“Take It to the Elephant Graveyard”

Popular legend suggests that elephants instinctively leave their group when they reach an older age and then guide themselves toward a special place known as the Elephant Graveyard. When their journey is done, they die there alone, far away from the group - perhaps so that their passing does not adversely impact the herd or slow them down in any way.

Whether true or not, I think human nature can learn something important from watching this animal instinct in action. There are elephants all around us - at home, at work and throughout our community. Only the DNA of these elephants is formed from the miscommunications, unresolved conflicts, unmet expectations, denials and outbursts we experience in the course of our day-to-day lives.

When our higher ideals and abilities guide us, we confront these situations and resolve the issues in ways that allow us to move past the challenge at hand. However, when we lack the courage, energy or ability to successfully resolve an issue, it can take on a life of its own and acquire residence amidst our daily tasks and relationships. The old saying “the elephant in the room” describes these often unmentionable issues that are known by most to be present, yet overwhelm or intimidate direct conversation about their nature and influence.

How many aging elephants are lingering in your office, board room or living room? What is stopping you from giving them permission to go away and die so that you can move on, unencumbered by the weight of their memory? The following suggestions are offered here as a resource to address your “elephant in the room”:

Make the undiscussable discussable – Whether the issue is between two or twenty-two people, reduce the stigma of discussing the issue by requesting an open and honest discussion. Resistance to this can come from fear of saying things that may hurt others or result in retribution. You can reduce these fears and encourage conversation by setting up a few groundrules to make it a safe conversation.

Put the elephant in all three dimensions – The proverbial blind men touching different parts of an elephant and all describing something very different is a helpful analogy. It should not be assumed that everyone “knows exactly what’s going on here”. Invite people to share their perspective on the issue and don’t judge the way in which perspectives are different concerning the nature and causes of the issue. This will result in a much fuller understanding of what is happening and what is at stake.

Focus everyone on moving forward – Pose a powerful question to start down the path of resolution. Asking “what do we need to do to make peace with this and move on?” will initiate a conversation of possibilities and perhaps forgiveness and peace.

Implementing these three suggestions will be difficult for sure. However, they offer a possible way through the deeply-rooted issues that bog you and others down. Imagine what’s possible when the path to the elephant graveyard becomes well traveled and we confront our issues directly to let go of the past and claim a better future.