Will You Notice Your Breakthrough?

In a recent coaching session I worked with a client who was in the process of pondering a significant life change. She expressed a deep level of frustration and confusion concerning the direction she should take. The stress of being in limbo seemed to only add to the urgency and frustration of her situation. At stake was the classic choice of “taking the leap” vs. “staying put and playing it safe”.

Rather than keeping the conversation at the intellectual level, I shifted directions and asked her what she noticed when she imagined saying yes and moving forward with the decision. I then asked her what she noticed about her body language, tone of voice and general mood when she pondered the no decision.

After a few minutes of reflecting, she said “When I think about the yes decision, I become excited…I feel energetic and alive…and I straighten right up…When I imagine saying no, I slump down a bit and I feel tired and frustrated”. Following up I asked her what she thought her physiology was telling her that her brain could not. At this point, she got the breakthrough that she was looking for and made her decision. I don’t think she would have arrived at that point unless she stopped to notice the subtle signs that were all around her.

How do you determine the critical choices you need to make in life? Perhaps the more practical decisions are informed by what you can rationally decide through your own assumptions, logic and reasoning. But what about those tricky decisions that tie you up in knots and leave you stranded at the crossroads?

If you are at a juncture in life where you want to make a change or decision of some kind, it’s important to avoid an all too familiar trap that distracts us from noticing the important, but subtle pieces of the puzzle. I call this distraction “expecting a revelation”. It’s the expectation that we must have a “big discovery” or a “life-changing confirmation” in the form of a lighting bolt, which will somehow illuminate the path forward. By setting our sights on this big moment in the sky, unfortunately we can miss the opportunity to notice the stream of quieter moments that often hold the key we’re waiting on.

If you’re hoping to find a way through a conflict, tune in to an inner gut feeling about a decision you need to make, or discover a path toward reaching your goals, following these steps may help you notice that the answer is right in front of you:

- First, make a conscious choice to set aside the analysis and self-talk in order to listen for something new;

- Next, take a few minutes to simply listen to what you feel as you reflect on the various aspects of the issue or decision you’re faced with – there’s no need to label or interpret the feelings at this point, the goal is to become aware of them;

- Next, think about moving along a continuum from 1) unconscious awareness about your thoughts and feelings to 2) noticing, then to 3) focused attention on the insights behind your thoughts and feelings; and

- Finally, because it’s usually the internal obstacles that hold us up more than the external ones, bring intentional focus and attention on any remaining concerns or doubts. Noticing and focusing on these can reveal new understanding, angles and insights that you can then integrate it into your larger process of decision-making.

At the end of the day, we have a measure of choice and control over what we are aware of, but what we are unaware of controls us. To access the subtle insights that can help you navigate the day-to-day relationships, interactions and decisions you’re faced with, try the simple act of noticing and becoming more aware of the feelings and impulses of your experience. They will inform your actions and decisions in positive ways. Imagine what’s possible when we focus our attention on the little things that allow us to notice the breakthrough we seek.