Some of you have asked me to say more about the patterns that sustain barriers to learning and performance in the workplace. Here is a brief explanation of one that I see quite often in teams. The platform of this blog does not enable me to include the image, but picture a cycle for the following six stages to get a feel for this pattern:
One Strong Leader -
1) In a void, one outspoken, strong person steps up to lead the team;
2) Others fall back and are less engaged as a result;
3) As new challenges arise, the pattern re-enforces a “if nobody else will step up, I have to just go it alone” attitude and the leader is even more disproportionally engaged;
4) As time goes on, the lack of invitations for more engagement from the leader further alienates team members results in hurt feelings;
5) This lack of collaboration and open communication over time prevents issues from being discussed; and finally
6) The growing resentment re-enforces and sustains the existing pattern of one strong leader.
In this situations, it is critical for the strong leader to maintain a broader awareness of the team dynamic. Despite their good intentions, strong leaders must recognize that going it alone is seldom - if ever - a good option. He or she must work hard to engage others, especially those that may not be as outspoken. As far as the team members, it is not reasonable to withdraw and complain. That makes them complicit in the team dysfunction. Everyone must work hard to express their concerns, then step up to the plate to take responsibility for rectifying their part of the problem.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
“How to Bring Out the Best in Others When All You See is Their Worst”
There’s nothing better than hanging up the phone or walking out of a meeting when the person you worked with not only did their job, but they made it easier for you to do yours too. Unfortunately, the reason it feels so refreshing is because it doesn’t happen very often. Too frequently our interactions with associates, customer service reps and clients result in disappointment and ineffective outcomes.
Working with difficult people is a defining experience for all of us. It’s a universal occurrence for everyone because we interpret behavior differently and at some point, each of us becomes the difficult person to someone else. For those who are good communicators and consistently courteous, it may be a bad day here and there. For others who have significant challenges with interpersonal effectiveness, they may not ever ‘play nice’.
Arrogant, smug, condescending, patronizing, inept, sarcastic, blasé, uninformed – these words are often used to describe the behavior and/or personality of a difficult person. Despite the fact that it can feel intentional, many difficult people are simply producing behaviors from the negative side of their personality. In other words, we’re working with them when they are not operating from their strengths. Understanding what makes people feel difficult to us often makes it less frustrating to deal with them. When we encounter a difficult person, one of the best things we can do is to observe how we are triggered by them and take personal responsibility for shifting the interaction to a more positive place.
How can we turn the tide when we get off on the wrong foot with a person? How can we make progress when it seems a person’s only objective is to prevent it? And, how can we inspire others to think and act in more helpful ways? Consider the following strategies to help bring out the best in others when all you see is their worst:
When There Is Confusion
When a situation turns negative, often there is some degree of confusion or miscommunication involved. Before things get worse, ask the person to clarify their understanding of the situation. Listen respectfully to de-escalate emotions and then offer your perspective. Use it as an opportunity to be crystal clear about the situation.
When It Is A Question Of Motivation
It’s not our responsibility to help other people enjoy their lives or like their jobs. However, human nature is a blend of complex emotions and at times we have to know how to motivate others to help us. If they do not offer to provide the support you need, find a way to connect with this person to motivate them to work with you.
When It Is A Question Of Skill
When the skill level required to complete a task is too far out in front of a person’s ability, they can often be stretched to the point of negative stress and defensive action. To avoid exacerbating the situation, attempt to balance the skill gap with your own abilities, or attempt to work with someone who possesses the necessary knowledge and skills.
If They Become Defensive
If you anticipate that the person will react defensively, avoid interrogating questions and try to describe the problem/request in more objective terms. Use non-blaming language, remain calm, keep a sense of humor if you can, and try to make it a mutual problem to solve. Always be tough on the problem and easy on the people.
If You Feel Like Giving Up On Them
Don’t give up on a person too soon! There are some people that are difficult to work with no matter what approach you take, however, most people are not like that. Facing an initial obstacle or road block does not warrant the conclusion that ‘I just can’t work with this person’.
The next time you interact with a difficult person, hang in there and take the high road whenever you can. Imagine what’s possible if we all brought out the best in others when all we saw was their worst...
Working with difficult people is a defining experience for all of us. It’s a universal occurrence for everyone because we interpret behavior differently and at some point, each of us becomes the difficult person to someone else. For those who are good communicators and consistently courteous, it may be a bad day here and there. For others who have significant challenges with interpersonal effectiveness, they may not ever ‘play nice’.
Arrogant, smug, condescending, patronizing, inept, sarcastic, blasé, uninformed – these words are often used to describe the behavior and/or personality of a difficult person. Despite the fact that it can feel intentional, many difficult people are simply producing behaviors from the negative side of their personality. In other words, we’re working with them when they are not operating from their strengths. Understanding what makes people feel difficult to us often makes it less frustrating to deal with them. When we encounter a difficult person, one of the best things we can do is to observe how we are triggered by them and take personal responsibility for shifting the interaction to a more positive place.
How can we turn the tide when we get off on the wrong foot with a person? How can we make progress when it seems a person’s only objective is to prevent it? And, how can we inspire others to think and act in more helpful ways? Consider the following strategies to help bring out the best in others when all you see is their worst:
When There Is Confusion
When a situation turns negative, often there is some degree of confusion or miscommunication involved. Before things get worse, ask the person to clarify their understanding of the situation. Listen respectfully to de-escalate emotions and then offer your perspective. Use it as an opportunity to be crystal clear about the situation.
When It Is A Question Of Motivation
It’s not our responsibility to help other people enjoy their lives or like their jobs. However, human nature is a blend of complex emotions and at times we have to know how to motivate others to help us. If they do not offer to provide the support you need, find a way to connect with this person to motivate them to work with you.
When It Is A Question Of Skill
When the skill level required to complete a task is too far out in front of a person’s ability, they can often be stretched to the point of negative stress and defensive action. To avoid exacerbating the situation, attempt to balance the skill gap with your own abilities, or attempt to work with someone who possesses the necessary knowledge and skills.
If They Become Defensive
If you anticipate that the person will react defensively, avoid interrogating questions and try to describe the problem/request in more objective terms. Use non-blaming language, remain calm, keep a sense of humor if you can, and try to make it a mutual problem to solve. Always be tough on the problem and easy on the people.
If You Feel Like Giving Up On Them
Don’t give up on a person too soon! There are some people that are difficult to work with no matter what approach you take, however, most people are not like that. Facing an initial obstacle or road block does not warrant the conclusion that ‘I just can’t work with this person’.
The next time you interact with a difficult person, hang in there and take the high road whenever you can. Imagine what’s possible if we all brought out the best in others when all we saw was their worst...
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