For many people, the reasons behind our success or failure in managing the day-to-day demands of life feel mysterious and difficult to understand. Not only are there the everyday challenges to contend with, but often we experience emergencies that require additional energy to address. When you take these demands and consider the added dimension of our goals and aspirations for the future, it can feel overwhelming to find a path forward.
When coaching a person or consulting with an organization that is having a hard time meeting the on-going demands of their circumstances, I invite them to make an honest assessment of their formula for success. Borrowing from the psychologist and researcher Howard McClusky’s theory of margin, we can identify the fundamental variables that influence their success. If they are not achieving at the level they want, the simple formula indicates what changes could be made to improve results and create greater satisfaction.
The formula looks something like this: LOAD/POWER = MARGIN. Load represents the total internal self and external social demands that must be met in the course of living (i.e. family and career obligations as well as goals and personal expectations, etc.). Power is equivalent to the resources we have at our disposal to meet those demands (i.e. financial resources, time, supportive relationships, accumulated skills, resiliency, etc.). Margin is the excess of power at our disposal that can be utilized to meet both expected and unexpected challenges that arise.
Obviously, a person with a high margin of excess power is in a better position to successfully adjust to emergencies that arise, as well as to apply their surplus power to new areas of growth and development. When a person or organization’s load is much greater than the available reserve of power, the inverse margin can create tremendous stress and limited success. The question becomes how can we increase our power or decrease our load so that our margin for success grows?
After taking an inventory of all the factors pertaining to their load and power, I then ask the client to create a start doing and stop doing list. This list becomes a guide for selectively reducing the load factors and intentionally surrounding them with power factors to get their margin into better balance. The conversation could go something like this:
Client: I have way too much on my plate right now to be successful at the things that matter most!
Coach: Okay, let’s take a look at everything on your plate and prioritize your commitment to these things. This will give you the chance to let go of responsibilities that are negotiable.
Client: Okay, as much as I would like to hold on to this, I guess I need to let go of activity x.
Coach: Good, now that you’ve looked at the LOAD factors, let’s look at ways to shore up resources and increase your POWER. What available or easily acquired resources could we add to help you in your everyday experiences?
Client: I never ask my colleagues for advice and they are much more experienced than me. Also, I forget that I have paid time off that I never take – maybe I should give myself some down time between big projects.
Coach: Great, what else?
As this conversation progresses, ideally the MARGIN gets into a better balance and the client is now aware of a tool they can use to identify and improve their formula for success. Imagine what’s possible when you adjust your formula for greater success.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
In Tough Times...Recover Your Balance - Revisited
Some of my readers inquired about resources for regaining balance during tough times. Here is an encore post from 2007 - 2008. I'll bring new resources into the mix next week.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Show of hands, who’s feeling a bit squeezed by the challenge and uncertainty of the times? Based on what I hear in business and around the community, “a bit squeezed” is putting it mildly. In fact, many of us are feeling downright crushed by the pressure and concern over the shrinking economy, widespread environmental catastrophes and political instability. How can we still work and live at our best in these tough times? Recover our balance!
It’s a conundrum that many of us face in trying circumstances. When things are difficult and risky, we naturally want to make the right decision and take the right course of action because the margin for error is narrow. In other words, if we don’t get it right, we could really get it wrong. In many ways this “black and white” thinking creates an impossible expectation.
Finding the “right” answer is a tricky proposition in tough times because circumstances tend to be ambiguous and constantly changing. These swirling conditions are often immune to our logic, making our search for the “right” decision or action very difficult. Although we desperately desire the sure thing and a successful outcome, our modern world is sometimes too unpredictable to define in this way.
We can do ourselves a favor by reframing our pursuit of the “right choice” to the search for the “best choice”. The best choice is not about perfection; rather it is about finding the most reasonable path forward in a given situation based on what you know at a given point in time.
The key to finding the “best choice” in a fast-changing world is balance. Finding our balance is walking the tightrope of life, acknowledging that the only certain thing is uncertainty. To help you thrive in the uncertainty and move past the “black or white” and “right or wrong” kind of thinking, consider the following pairs of opposites. Because they exist on a continuum, they can remind us that in order to find our balance it’s not one or the other, but somewhere in between:
Microscopes and Telescopes – Think small and focus on the details while visioning big and thinking long-term.
Rudders and Sails – Take calculated and careful direction while allowing passion and wide ideas to flow.
Caring for Yourself and Helping Others – Make sure your own needs are met while giving support to others.
Hard Work and Lucky Breaks – Put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen while hoping for fortunate timing.
Although it can be confusing to live in the ambiguity, the search for balance along the continuum will help you navigate the grey areas in light of your deeper priorities. Choosing an absolute or polar opposite only serves to limit the important insight from the other end of the spectrum. However, if we are able to consider both opposite ends simultaneously, we can find a unique place on the continuum that blends them both. By continually asking the questions “where am I and where do I want to be” in time we can get clear about what matters most.
The next time you feel off balance and need to make a difficult decision, let go of the desire and pressure to find the one “right answer”. Instead, weigh your continuum of ideas and choices and settle on a reasonable reconciliation of your options. Imagine what’s possible when we find our balance and confidently move forward with the “best choice” all things considered.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Show of hands, who’s feeling a bit squeezed by the challenge and uncertainty of the times? Based on what I hear in business and around the community, “a bit squeezed” is putting it mildly. In fact, many of us are feeling downright crushed by the pressure and concern over the shrinking economy, widespread environmental catastrophes and political instability. How can we still work and live at our best in these tough times? Recover our balance!
It’s a conundrum that many of us face in trying circumstances. When things are difficult and risky, we naturally want to make the right decision and take the right course of action because the margin for error is narrow. In other words, if we don’t get it right, we could really get it wrong. In many ways this “black and white” thinking creates an impossible expectation.
Finding the “right” answer is a tricky proposition in tough times because circumstances tend to be ambiguous and constantly changing. These swirling conditions are often immune to our logic, making our search for the “right” decision or action very difficult. Although we desperately desire the sure thing and a successful outcome, our modern world is sometimes too unpredictable to define in this way.
We can do ourselves a favor by reframing our pursuit of the “right choice” to the search for the “best choice”. The best choice is not about perfection; rather it is about finding the most reasonable path forward in a given situation based on what you know at a given point in time.
The key to finding the “best choice” in a fast-changing world is balance. Finding our balance is walking the tightrope of life, acknowledging that the only certain thing is uncertainty. To help you thrive in the uncertainty and move past the “black or white” and “right or wrong” kind of thinking, consider the following pairs of opposites. Because they exist on a continuum, they can remind us that in order to find our balance it’s not one or the other, but somewhere in between:
Microscopes and Telescopes – Think small and focus on the details while visioning big and thinking long-term.
Rudders and Sails – Take calculated and careful direction while allowing passion and wide ideas to flow.
Caring for Yourself and Helping Others – Make sure your own needs are met while giving support to others.
Hard Work and Lucky Breaks – Put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen while hoping for fortunate timing.
Although it can be confusing to live in the ambiguity, the search for balance along the continuum will help you navigate the grey areas in light of your deeper priorities. Choosing an absolute or polar opposite only serves to limit the important insight from the other end of the spectrum. However, if we are able to consider both opposite ends simultaneously, we can find a unique place on the continuum that blends them both. By continually asking the questions “where am I and where do I want to be” in time we can get clear about what matters most.
The next time you feel off balance and need to make a difficult decision, let go of the desire and pressure to find the one “right answer”. Instead, weigh your continuum of ideas and choices and settle on a reasonable reconciliation of your options. Imagine what’s possible when we find our balance and confidently move forward with the “best choice” all things considered.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
“The Knowing-Doing Gap”
Each year more than $60 billion dollars is spent on training programs in and by organizations in the United States. It is estimated that an additional $46 billion is spent on various types of consultants who offer their advice to individual and organizational clients. The question is, are these dollars well spent? When people attend trainings, workshops and retreats, or work with consultants to address problems, do they take the new information, knowledge and skills and implement them back in the workplace?
While we learn valuable new ideas and skills at these events, we often become quickly and painfully aware of the challenge of turning them into real changes. This gap between knowing and doing is something that must be understood and addressed if our money spent on training and development is going to be worth the investment.
While the gap is widely experienced, it is surprisingly under-researched. A promising long-term goal is to develop a research-based model to help people understand and close their gaps. In the meantime, I offer the following insight as a starting place to help you turn ideas into action.
I use a simple formula to understand what the nature of the gap is:
This equation illustrates the variables involved and it can be used in the form of questions to guide our thinking both before and after a training or other learning event. Questions like: How well do I understand the topic and how can I improve my knowledge of it? What is my current level of motivation and will that be sufficient when the initial excitement wanes? What are some obstacles to be aware of in changing behaviors or implementing change?
In addition to the above formula and questions, consider the following reminders as well:
Measure your goals on the substance of new knowledge and skill, not on excitement alone. We often experience a let down in motivation as we return to the “real world” and confront the obstacles to implementing new ideas and making real changes. Therefore, as we focus energy and attention on understanding and surrendering to the obstacles that could prevent us from “doing”, we are able to apply our motivation and excitement and keep our anticipated goals in proper perspective.
Start small and be specific. One of the biggest culprits of the “retreat letdown” or knowing-doing gap is the lofty expectation of how much new information/behavior can be implemented. Behavior change takes time and can best be accomplished in focused, incremental spurts. Start small, take one thing at a time and don’t give up.
Take a positive learning attitude. When you find obstacles to implementing new knowledge/skills, try to assess why the block is there. Avoid turning negative and becoming pessimistic. Imagine what’s possible when we can close or eliminate the gap between knowing and doing...
While we learn valuable new ideas and skills at these events, we often become quickly and painfully aware of the challenge of turning them into real changes. This gap between knowing and doing is something that must be understood and addressed if our money spent on training and development is going to be worth the investment.
While the gap is widely experienced, it is surprisingly under-researched. A promising long-term goal is to develop a research-based model to help people understand and close their gaps. In the meantime, I offer the following insight as a starting place to help you turn ideas into action.
I use a simple formula to understand what the nature of the gap is:
Understanding of knowledge/skill + motivation to improve – internal/external obstacles = GAP
This equation illustrates the variables involved and it can be used in the form of questions to guide our thinking both before and after a training or other learning event. Questions like: How well do I understand the topic and how can I improve my knowledge of it? What is my current level of motivation and will that be sufficient when the initial excitement wanes? What are some obstacles to be aware of in changing behaviors or implementing change?
In addition to the above formula and questions, consider the following reminders as well:
Measure your goals on the substance of new knowledge and skill, not on excitement alone. We often experience a let down in motivation as we return to the “real world” and confront the obstacles to implementing new ideas and making real changes. Therefore, as we focus energy and attention on understanding and surrendering to the obstacles that could prevent us from “doing”, we are able to apply our motivation and excitement and keep our anticipated goals in proper perspective.
Start small and be specific. One of the biggest culprits of the “retreat letdown” or knowing-doing gap is the lofty expectation of how much new information/behavior can be implemented. Behavior change takes time and can best be accomplished in focused, incremental spurts. Start small, take one thing at a time and don’t give up.
Take a positive learning attitude. When you find obstacles to implementing new knowledge/skills, try to assess why the block is there. Avoid turning negative and becoming pessimistic. Imagine what’s possible when we can close or eliminate the gap between knowing and doing...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Some Helpful Negotiation Tips for Tough Conversations
Last week a long-lost colleague got in touch with me again. He was facing a difficult work situation and wanted some tips on how to negotiate an important job change. I thought that some of what I shared with him may also be beneficial to you as you navigate the more difficult conversations and decisions that come your way.
Negotiation is a reflection of the dynamic world in which we live and it plays a significant role in our day-to-day lives. If we look at the world as a melting pot where differing needs, perspectives and desires constantly crash into each other, then negotiation - in some form or another - is the primary process of addressing these differences. A child’s bedtime or curfew, what movie the group will see, where the family will take a vacation, and how a business strategy will be designed and implemented are just a few simple examples of the everyday negotiation that we do.
Considering the fact that we are all negotiators all of the time, why isn’t there more attention paid to the knowledge and skill required to do it well? I am often asked for insights on successful negotiation and in response to those requests, this column features a summary of the guiding ideas that have helped me in my personal negotiations as well as the professional negotiations I have been a part of.
Negotiate Interests – Our interests explain the underlying reasons why we want things. Rather than trying to negotiate hard and immobile positions (i.e. “Your curfew is going to be 10:00 pm!”), discuss interests which can often be met in multiple ways (i.e. “I’m concerned that you will not get enough rest in order to be productive at school and soccer, so a 10:00 pm bedtime seems like it would give you ample sleep.”)
Be Hard On The Problem And Soft On The People – The first step toward successful negotiation is to frame differences as mutual problems to be solved. Getting both people in a more objective mindset can give you the opportunity to be hard on tackling the problem, but in a way that doesn’t personalize disagreements and reduce communication and goodwill.
Know What Matters To You – Some say that preparation is the most important part of any negotiation. It is vital that you know what your ‘walk away outcome’ really is. Often called a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), this bottom line helps you set a parameter about what will work for you. If you are unable to reach a negotiated settlement that is as good as or better than your BATNA, then you walk away.
Spend Time Understanding Their Perspective – Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to speak. Effective listening involves setting aside your own thoughts, defenses and judgments long enough to truly get inside their thinking about the problem. Understanding their interests is a key to generating options and solutions and when negotiations fail, it is often because the underlying interests and perspectives of both sides were not fully explored, understood and integrated into the discussion.
Break Issues Down Into Smaller Pieces – In complicated situations, getting stuck can hurt momentum and challenge the will of even the most optimistic negotiators. If you find yourself stuck at impasse, try breaking down issues into smaller pieces and addressing them one at a time, starting with the simpler ones. This may jumpstart a bigger breakthrough from an incremental level.
Validate The Other Sides’ Concerns – Problem solving often can’t occur until people have thoroughly expressed the impact of their experiences. We can accelerate the problem-solving phase of negotiation by earnestly acknowledging and validating the other sides’ concerns. This is not the same as agreeing with them, it simply helps them disarm their need to hold tight to past reactions and shift their thinking to future possibilities.
Seek Solutions That Will Satisfy Their Issues, As Well As Your Own – After the concerns of both sides have been fully understood and the underlying interests have been surfaced and put squarely on the table – it is time generate options and solutions. As proposals turn into potential areas of agreement, test them by asking if it satisfies both sides’ interests. Only mutually satisfying outcomes have the potential for durable agreement.
Negotiation is a reflection of the dynamic world in which we live and it plays a significant role in our day-to-day lives. If we look at the world as a melting pot where differing needs, perspectives and desires constantly crash into each other, then negotiation - in some form or another - is the primary process of addressing these differences. A child’s bedtime or curfew, what movie the group will see, where the family will take a vacation, and how a business strategy will be designed and implemented are just a few simple examples of the everyday negotiation that we do.
Considering the fact that we are all negotiators all of the time, why isn’t there more attention paid to the knowledge and skill required to do it well? I am often asked for insights on successful negotiation and in response to those requests, this column features a summary of the guiding ideas that have helped me in my personal negotiations as well as the professional negotiations I have been a part of.
Negotiate Interests – Our interests explain the underlying reasons why we want things. Rather than trying to negotiate hard and immobile positions (i.e. “Your curfew is going to be 10:00 pm!”), discuss interests which can often be met in multiple ways (i.e. “I’m concerned that you will not get enough rest in order to be productive at school and soccer, so a 10:00 pm bedtime seems like it would give you ample sleep.”)
Be Hard On The Problem And Soft On The People – The first step toward successful negotiation is to frame differences as mutual problems to be solved. Getting both people in a more objective mindset can give you the opportunity to be hard on tackling the problem, but in a way that doesn’t personalize disagreements and reduce communication and goodwill.
Know What Matters To You – Some say that preparation is the most important part of any negotiation. It is vital that you know what your ‘walk away outcome’ really is. Often called a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), this bottom line helps you set a parameter about what will work for you. If you are unable to reach a negotiated settlement that is as good as or better than your BATNA, then you walk away.
Spend Time Understanding Their Perspective – Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to speak. Effective listening involves setting aside your own thoughts, defenses and judgments long enough to truly get inside their thinking about the problem. Understanding their interests is a key to generating options and solutions and when negotiations fail, it is often because the underlying interests and perspectives of both sides were not fully explored, understood and integrated into the discussion.
Break Issues Down Into Smaller Pieces – In complicated situations, getting stuck can hurt momentum and challenge the will of even the most optimistic negotiators. If you find yourself stuck at impasse, try breaking down issues into smaller pieces and addressing them one at a time, starting with the simpler ones. This may jumpstart a bigger breakthrough from an incremental level.
Validate The Other Sides’ Concerns – Problem solving often can’t occur until people have thoroughly expressed the impact of their experiences. We can accelerate the problem-solving phase of negotiation by earnestly acknowledging and validating the other sides’ concerns. This is not the same as agreeing with them, it simply helps them disarm their need to hold tight to past reactions and shift their thinking to future possibilities.
Seek Solutions That Will Satisfy Their Issues, As Well As Your Own – After the concerns of both sides have been fully understood and the underlying interests have been surfaced and put squarely on the table – it is time generate options and solutions. As proposals turn into potential areas of agreement, test them by asking if it satisfies both sides’ interests. Only mutually satisfying outcomes have the potential for durable agreement.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
