Breaking Barriers

Communication Perspective

2012-01-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

Last month a record civil penalty was passed down in the West Virginia mining case where 29 miners were killed last year. The federal regulators investigating determined that the disaster “was the result of a workplace culture that valued production over safety .” In other words, the highest value or context for Massey Energy Co. was profit. While there may have been other priorities and perspectives within the organization’s management, it was the elevated context of production…over…safety that ultimately influenced the numerous critical decisions (in this case safety shortcuts) that were made in the course of doing business in a competitive industry.

Taking a communication perspective leads to some important and profound questions, namely: Could this disaster have been avoided if the company’s hierarchy of value had been challenged and ultimately shifted in some way toward the increased importance of safety? What if there was greater institutional support for whistle blowers who, in this case, experienced retaliation and disciplinary actions to their efforts to resolve safety-related issues effectively?

As the individuals and communities most affected by this tragic episode continue to search for a path forward, the next turn could understandably hold revenge and anger above all other priorities. What would happen, however, if the highest context for the surviving family members and their communities was to shift the conversation from one of retribution to one of changing values in corporate America? What would happen if those powerful voices united in advocacy for priorities such as improving the quality of conditions and ensuring safety measures for employees remain above the profit line?

Most Common Change Barriers

2011-12-15T09:02:00.000-08:00

Change Does Not Feel Relevant
When some kind of change initiative comes down the pike, it will usually be rejected if it does not directly connect with people’s needs
“”
This change will not help me with my problems!
I have not been asked to participate in the process, so I’m not really invested in seeing it through!

Insufficient Margin
When a person experiences more demands than they have energy and resources to address them, new learning and performance activities cannot be implemented:
“”
Help, I’m overwhelmed and can’t manage what’s already on my plate!

Anxiety or Distraction from Information/Communication Overload
Too much information, or too much communication around issues, resulting in confusion, frustration, or saturation.
“”
We are too STRESSED to take on anything new!

Tampering
Attempting to implement new behaviors and practices without changing the system that keeps the old behaviors in place:
“”
We’re spinning our wheels because the same old issue keeps coming up!

Defensive Routines
Deflecting criticism, blaming other people or events, avoiding tasks, or behaving in ways that shift responsibility to others to prevent uncomfortable or embarrassing consequences:
“”
There is somebody or something to blame!

Clinging to a Fixed, Positive Organizational Identity from the Past at the Expense of Current and Accurate Organizational Assessments
“”
I wish it was like it used to be; that was so much better!

Too Many Changes over a Short Period of Time Leading to Fatigue and Resistance to Other, More Essential Changes
“”
I’m done; I just won’t change any more!

Performance Whitewashing
Treating all goals and outcomes the same thus diverting energy and attention from the most critical priorities
“”
I’ll put out whatever fire is in front of me, even though something more important may need to get done!

CMM Solutions - Top 5 in Sales

2011-11-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

Just got word that the Danish translation of CMM Solutions has risen to #5 in the ranking of Top Ten Business Books in Denmark!

Jesse's New Article

2011-10-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

I have a new article in the September edition of the International Society for Performance Improvement's journal.

The piece is titled "A Systemic Cause Analysis Model for Human Performance Technicians" and it features my latest research on methods of identifying barriers to learning and performance.

Here is the abstract of the article. Click here to read it online:

This article presents a systemic, research-based cause analysis model for use in the field of human performance technology (HPT). The model organizes the most prominent barriers to workplace learning and performance into a conceptual framework that explains and illuminates the architecture of these barriers that exist within the fabric of everyday organizational life. The model has broad implications for HPT scholars and practitioners.

We Are The Stream

2011-09-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

While coaching a stressed-out executive several years ago, I shared a metaphor that I thought could be helpful during my client's exceedingly tumultuous time. Probably borrowed from zen tradition, I conjured an image of a smooth stone in a stream. The analogy of the roiling waters fit the description of the many challenges and demands of his daily work. And, like an edge-less stone in a stream, the water will naturally find a way around -- and eventually pass -- without undue resistance.

Well, the conversation proved helpful at the time, but I think I had it wrong. I don't think we are the stones, I think we are the water.

This paradigm shift occurred to me while using the CMM Solutions consulting model to address a workplace conflict. After exploring the ways in which the patterns of communication were "making the conflict" for these two colleagues, I immediately thought of the smooth stone in the stream as a possible metaphor to help ease the emotional tension/burden that the conflict was producing for them. Then it hit me: one of the core causes of the conflict was their effort to stay in one place, continuously engaging in the same pattern of communication that produced the friction.

So I shifted the metaphor. Staying in the moment, I described the stream and invited them to consider how the quality and character of the water is forever-changing with the contours of the rock, soil, and wind. We are the water. We never stop moving. We never stop flowing. We endlessly make and re-make the patterns of interaction that shape our experience. When we think of ourselves as fixed (like the stone), surrounded by the circumstances of life that constantly ebb and flow around us, we get stuck. We miss out on the creative freedom that comes with knowing we will not be the same tomorrow, as we are today.

For me, this shift has implications in other arenas as well. For example, in leadership and career coaching, one of the most common challenges I face is helping clients deal with the gap between their desired quality of experience and the one they are actually living. This frame is based on "being the stone." An empowering shift here is to ask them what it would be like if they were "the stream." In other words: "If you weren't motionless, dwelling on the circumstances that continuously rush your way, how would your focus change?" "If you were ever-flowing and rock-shaping water, never reaching a plateau, never quite arriving at the same place twice, would that invigorate you to see something new and different?"

In the right moment, these could be powerful questions. They certainly offer an opportunity to change the way we think about our oreintation toward "problems" and to think about our influence in shaping the experience we live in.

Perhaps the simplest way to put this is: are you the stone, or the stream?

“Do you know how fast you are going?”

2011-08-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Driving down highway 1 in California, the only thing that can distract from the world-class vistas is the threat of a CHiP ready to say hello by asking the dreaded question “do you know how fast you were going?”

That is why I was surprised when a lonely radar speed sign showed me that I was driving 72 in a 55 zone. There it was, flashing in bright orange “72!” Just below the legal speed limit, it was there in real-time, objective, straight by the numbers -- a surprising, but healthy warning to take stock and evaluate the current pace of my travels.

In the corridors of work we could benefit from this kind of in-your-face, objective assessment. Indeed, one of the leading explanations of speeding violations is that the driver “wasn’t paying attention” and “didn’t notice their speed.” How often does this type of dangerous distraction happen to us in the break-neck pace of the modern workplace?

To decrease distraction and avoid the unwanted outcome of an accident or citation, we can create our own version of radar speed signs at work. A major value of these is that they can provide space for self-correction and alignment of priorities and actions without punitive consequences. If we follow this metaphor, it becomes a straightforward process of deliberately placing these “sign posts” in front of us so that we can catch a glimpse of how we’re doing in the precise moments when and places where we may lose sight of the quality of our progress.

Whether it is a request of a colleague/mentor, a post-it note on your desk, an automatic reminder in your email system, I am referring to the kind of questions that we can ask that will provide this objective feedback:

- How fast am I going right now?

- Considering the conditions, is this the ideal speed?

- Am I tuned into the landscape, or is it just a blur?

- Do I know where I’m headed (what I’m seeking to accomplish)?

- Am I too far back, or too far out in front of the people I need to be working with?

The vendor, Radarsign, claims that their machines offer an effective and affordable traffic-calming solution for reducing speeding drivers on city streets and highways, in neighborhoods, school zones, and more. Let’s look at these kind of anchor-questions as our own traffic-calming solution to finding the right rhythm and pace of work.

Health Affairs Article

2011-07-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

This post references a June, 2011 article that I co-wrote for Health Affairs. The piece was listed in the top three most read GrantWatch Blog Posts online.

The July print addition of the Health Affairs journal will publish the piece about the groundbreaking ACA Education project conducted by AmericaSpeaks.

Here is an excerpt:

To explore the key factors that influence support and opposition to the law, including ways to better educate the public about the actual provisions of the law, AmericaSpeaks (referred to as CaliforniaSpeaks in this project) conducted seven community dialogue sessions with more than 220 participants, total, at all sessions across California during January and February 2011. The sessions assessed how the general public responds to the core elements of the ACA when they are presented in a variety of formats. These forums, supported by a grant from the Blue Shield of California Foundation (BSCF), were held in Fresno, Pasadena, Riverside, Sacramento, San Diego, San Leandro, and San Luis Obispo. This project built on the BSCF’s prior support of CaliforniaSpeaks in 2007 when the state was debating a major health reform proposal. Both projects were designed to educate and inform the public about efforts to expand health coverage for Californians.

You can get to the article here.

Book Review by Dr. Stephen W. Littlejohn

2011-06-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

Thought I would share this review that Dr. Littlejohn published last month:
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CMM Solutions Field Guide and companion Workbook for Consultants
By Barnett Pearce, Jesse Sostrin, and Kimberly Pearce (Lulu Press, 2011)

CMM Solutions, a two-part package of tools and practices for consultants, is designed to help practitioners apply the theory of the Coordinated Management of Meaning in their work with clients. Since its inception in the 1970s, CMM has been employed in various social situations and organizational interventions, including, for example, community dialogues, conflict resolution, counseling and psychotherapy, and spiritual practice. As a practical theory, CMM is powerful in helping consultants think about and act into client situations and problems, and practitioners familiar with the theory seem hungry for guidance on how to use the theory in this way. CMM Solutions was written to fill this gap.

The package consists of two booklets. The first, CMM Solutions: Field Guide for Consultants provides an overview of a CMM process that can guide any kind of intervention in which a consultant is presented with a problem or challenge experienced by a dyad, group, organization, or community. This first booklet features a realistic scenario and transcript of an intervention using this method. The second part, entitled CMM Solutions: Workbook for Consultants is a practical guide to CMM tools with templates and directions on how to use and adapt them.

The program features a five-part model for intervention, which the authors call SEAVA—(1) storyboarding, (2) enriching, (3) analyzing, (4) visioning, and (5) acting. SEAVA is described in detail in the first booklet, the Field Guide, and its use is illustrated by an annotated narrative “transcript” of a fictional intervention constructed as a composite from various actual consultations. Each stage of the consultation model features particular aspects of CMM carefully arranged for building awareness of the communication perspective, creating client insight into participants’ patterns of interaction, and consideration of how those patterns might be changed. The method is wholly collaborative in approach and relies heavily on the clients’ own constructions and insights. As such the method is heavy on process and light on judgment and consultant-centered problem solving. The consultant is aided at each stage of SEAVA with a set of tools designed to help build awareness of the communication process, choices made, and levels of meaning and action. These tools and forms are detailed in the Workbook.

CMM Solutions works within the communication perspective, aiming to help clients look at their process of communication, rather than through the process to some other content. Indeed, the fictional consultant, Larry, uses a card to remind himself that “we get what we make, we make it through communication, [and] if we get the pattern of communication right, the best possible things will happen.” CMM Solutions does not require prior familiarity with the theory. Many sources are available for readers who want to know more about the theory itself, several of which are listed in the resources at the end. I personally recommend Barnett Pearce’s book Making Social Worlds: A Communication Perspective (Blackwell, 2007).

For those familiar with the theory, CMM Solutions provides a method of storyboarding as a way of helping participants identify episodes and the punctuation of interactional sequences. A template for the LUUUUTT model can be used to help clients explore their stories, and a “daisy” template can help identify groups and conversations outside the immediate situation that influence or inform what is going on. The participants’ hierarchies of meaning and action can be probed using the hierarchy template, which can also be used in conjunction with a form for analyzing logical force. Tools are also available for uncovering unwanted repetitive patterns, strange loops, and bifurcation points. The practitioner can use any combination of these as part of the SEAVA process, and the Workbook provides guidelines for using and adapting each tool, including suggested time and resources required along with the process steps and examples. The CMM Solutions approach may appear formulaic at first glance, and it does present the method as a pre-formed and sequential model. However, the authors are clear that the model is presented in this way for clarity and completeness, but that experienced consultants will use it in innumerable creative and adaptive ways.

The CMM Solutions Field Guide at 134 pages is available for $35.00, or $19.99 for a downloadable version. The CMM Solutions Workbook at 31 pages is available for $24.95, or $14.99 downloadable. Both are can be purchased from Amazon or Lulu. The Field Guide can be used as a stand-alone, but I do not recommend the Workbook without the Field Guide.

Transforming Barriers - ODP Journal Article

2011-05-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

This month's peer reviewed Organization Development Practitioner Journal features my latest article. The culmination of year's of research and practice, the featured article includes a full-length case study using the new RITE Model. Two of this articles critical contributions include: 1) A practical roadmap to navigate the hidden curriculum of work; and 2) A system of transforming everyday organizational barriers into pathways for sustained learning and performance. The RITE Model is effective because it works simultaneously in both of these directions. It resolves barriers while also enhancing the capacity for change. Implementing the RITE Model consistently over time will allow managers to pitch the external consultant and coach your own team to new levels of learning and performance success that impact the bottom line.

Here is an excerpt from the Introduction:

Whether their position of influence is internal or external, Organization Development practitioners are tasked with resolving a wide range of issues that threaten individual, team, and organizational success. Sometimes these issues are referred to as gaps or obstacles, or they can be alluded to in more creative terms like breakdowns, and blind spots. Whatever form they come in, collectively I call these impediments to the quality and outcome of work barriers to workplace learning and performance .

When left unresolved, barriers can take a considerable toll on the workplace at three fundamental levels, including:

• 1st Order Impacts on Workers may cause individuals to lose focus, disengage from their work and the greater organization, avoid or disabuse priorities, exhaust motivation, cause physical and psychological discomfort through stress, and reduce accuracy and quality of performance;

• 2nd Order Impacts on Work Teams can debilitate patterns of communication, prevent effective decision-making, reduce collaboration, erode morale, distract from priorities, and undermine the collective potential of team members to positively impact the organization; and

• 3rd Order Impacts on the Workplace will divert values, disrupt effective structures of interaction, reduce overall productivity, increase absenteeism, presenteeism and turnover, adversely impact the strategic implementation of goals, and more.

Considering these summary examples of the compounding affects of unresolved barriers, the mandate to comprehensively address barriers across the organizational spectrum is considerable. One of the strengths of the Organization Development field is the diversity of practice traditions that contribute an array of processes and interventions that can identify barriers such as these.

Successfully identifying barriers, however, is only one part of a larger process of resolving them. As the nature of work continues to evolve, Organization Development practitioners increasingly intervene in unstructured circumstances that require dynamic tools and resources to quickly and effectively assist clients in the full resolution of their organizational issues.

The purpose of this article is to provide a detailed description and case example of the RITE Model, a unique system of transforming individual and team barriers into pathways for sustained learning and performance. The remainder of this introduction summarizes two key concepts that form the foundation of the model.

Why Focus on the Negative

2011-04-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

A client recently asked me about my Breaking Barriers brand and related programs that, in his words, "focus on the negative." After learning about several strength-based management strategies, including techniques like Appreciative Inquiry, he was right to recognize the frame of barriers. I appreciated his question and here’s how I responded and ultimately why I think it matters:

The reason for the focus on barriers is because they offer the most efficient path toward constructive improvement. This is based upon an inherent assumption that identifying and potentially reducing barriers may directly or indirectly improve the probability of successful workplace learning and performance. The primary foundation of this assumption comes from Kurt Lewin’s Force Field Analysis. In Force Field
Analysis, one can either: 1) reduce the strength of the forces opposing a desired change (e.g. barriers); or 2) increase the enhancing forces that drive change so that both opposing forces are brought into balance. In other words, it is believed that for an individual, team or organization that wishes to improve upon learning and performance, the successful identification and reduction of barriers is a key factor that enables movement toward the desired change to take effect.

Perhaps what is most powerful about the focus on transforming barriers is that it works in both of these directions simultaneously. While a concerted effort is made to reduce the strength of the barrier (opposing force), the capacity to build learning and performance capacity is also enhanced.

The Burnout Pattern

2011-03-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

Recently I worked with a very successful manager who was on the verge of burnout. He was experiencing a really uncomfortable pattern that seemed to lead him back to the inevitable conclusion that something had to give. After exploring the issues and circumstances, I helped him develop a visual image of the pattern – calling it the “Good Intentions” Pattern. After exploring the variables, the image was helpful to show how he kept ending up in the same place:

If you can’t see the image well, here are the four loops in the pattern:
- You develop lots of energy and excitement for accomplishing your priorities and goals…
- You put forth some effort, although you’re energy and resources are not very directed or consistent…
- You experience mixed results, the initial enthusiasm for the goals wanes and then frustration and negative self-talk set in…and then
- You lose focus and become distracted from your priorities and must spend time trying to rebuild your energy and excitement toward the goal.

After assessing the pattern and spending a few weeks noticing where it showed up, we worked together on identifying the trigger and then replaced that with a new commitment. In this instance, a negative trigger that reinforced the burnout pattern was the mixed results and frustration he experienced with a particularly challenging project. He decided to make a commitment to positively explore that frustration and to use it as a teachable moment and inspiration to re-focus on "what he could influence." This turned out to be a sufficient course correction to get him out of the burnout pattern. He reported that, although it wasn't easy, it opened up new ways of thinking about other difficult aspects of his working life.

The Problem with Solving Problems

2011-02-01T10:10:00.001-08:00

Here is a brief excerpt from the CMM Solutions Field Guide for Consultants. CMM Solutions is a two-book set for consultants and managers that want to use sophisticated communication techniques to address pressing organizational learning and performance challenges. The clip provides a feel for what the book is all about:

"The Problem with Solving Problems - There is nothing wrong with solving problems! When the supply room catches on fire, you want to put it out quickly and effectively. Forget the organization chart, whoever is closest to the extinguisher, grab it! Problem solved, and then life moves on.

But when the supply room keeps on catching fire day after day, your best response might be to change something more fundamental than replenishing the extinguisher and reducing the response time needed to activate it. A better world would be one in which fires don’t happen so frequently, if at all.

If the goal is to solve a problem, then the “problem” has been given tremendous power. The “problem” (however we construe it) organizes our efforts to “solve” it. And so the problems we face become the generative force in organizing our relationships and organizations, not our highest hopes or deepest values. In addition, the problem creates the criteria by which we will recognize “solutions.”

We become de-sensitized to all of the other things in our environment that are “not-solutions” but which may well be of great value. We might say that every “solution” to every problem has “collateral damage” – as everyone knows who has had to clean up a sodden store room after the fire has been extinguished. In one way of putting it, problems are holes in the ground and their solutions fill those holes, but when they are solved, we’re just back at level ground. Nothing has been gained, just put back where it was. Until next time…"

The Challenge of Change

2011-01-03T15:42:00.000-08:00

Considering the time of year, the concept of change is something to be looked at carefully. The purpose of this column is to explore some of the most common learning & performance barriers that we experience in a time of change.

As John Reh said, “Nothing is as upsetting as change…Nothing has greater potential to cause failures, loss of production, or falling quality than change...Yet nothing is as important to the survival of your organization as change.” Clearly, change matters. However, when the only day-to-day constant is change, it can be difficult to sustain focus and forward progress on true organizational priorities. If change fatigue sets in, our teams can experience reduced morale and important client services and projects can stall.

The good news is that a climate of change is also conducive to continuous learning and performance improvements. In order to capitalize on the opportunities for growth however, we have to identify and address the common Change Barriers. I have identified more than 250 of these in my research and work, but I picked out a few of the most common ones that I see in a time of change:

1. Change Does Not Feel Relevant – When some kind of change initiative comes down the pike, it will usually be rejected if it does not directly connect with people’s needs:

[This change will not help with my problems! I don’t see the relevance of this change to my own situation! I have not been asked to participate in the process, so I’m not really invested in seeing it through!]

2. Insufficient Margin - When a person experiences more demands than they have energy and resources to address them, new learning and performance activities cannot be implemented:

[Help, I’m overwhelmed and can’t manage what’s already on my plate!]

3. Anxiety or distraction from information/communication overload:

[We are too STRESSED to take on anything new!]

4. Tampering - Attempting to implement new behaviors and practices without changing the system that keeps the old behaviors in place:

[We’re spinning our wheels because the same old issue keeps coming up!]

5. Defensive Routines - Deflecting criticism, blaming other people or events, avoiding tasks, or behaving in ways that shift responsibility to others to prevent uncomfortable or embarrassing consequences:

[There is somebody or something to blame!]

6. Inability to successfully cope with or bounce back from adversity

[People are close-minded and feel too defeated to rise to a new challenge.]

7. Clinging to a fixed, positive organizational identity from the past at the expense of current and accurate organizational assessments:

[I wish it was like it used to be; that was so much better!]

8. Too many changes over a short period of time leading to fatigue and resistance to other, more essential changes:

[I’m done; I just won’t change any more!]

9. Performance Whitewashing - Treating all goals and outcomes the same thus diverting energy and attention from the most critical priorities:

[I’ll put out whatever fire is in front of me, even though something more important may need to get done!]

As you consider the diverse list above, it is clear the challenges of change can come from every direction. If you or your team is having difficulty overcoming one or more of these challenges to change, here are three very practical suggestions:

1. Locate the Resistance – What we are unaware of controls us, but what become aware, we can influence. That said, it is critical to locate the resistance to change and understand what it is and why it persists. Asking the question- what is this about - can start a valuable process of clarifying the situation. If one particular change barrier resonates with you, spend some time thinking about it and exchange perspectives with the team to explore what is going on.

2. Simplify the Equation – As greater awareness about the nature of resistance is developed, it is important to simplify the situation in order to identify effective ways to address the change. Examining what is in/out of your control and finding “pockets of influence” can be helpful because it allows you to stop worrying about what you can’t control, and to instead invest energy into the things that can be influenced by your response and action.

3. Respect Others’ Speed Limits – Each person has a pace of change the represents their comfort zone. It is important not to push others too hard toward change, but it is also critical not to ignore the need for change. This balancing act requires respectful discussion and engagement with colleagues about their speed limits for change. Pushing when needed and slowing down when helpful is a constructive give and take that facilitates productive change.

If you need support implementing these three approaches, or if you would like to discuss a specific situation in more detail, the door is always open.

FALL BREAK

2010-07-13T16:15:00.000-07:00

We're still taking a break for the fall. Please plan to resume your visits to the blog in January with the launch of a fresh new series on "Hope in a Time of Barriers."

While you're here, feel free to catch up on old posts and pod casts.

Archaeology at Work

2010-05-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

As a consultant who works regularly with clients dealing with strategy gaps, unresolved conflict and a wide range of personnel and performance issues, my first instinct is to help them look ahead rather than dwell in the past. However, sometimes digging into the past is necessary to find a durable, forward-looking solution. I call this archaeology at work and here is a quick framework that offers a guide to learning from the past:

Determine the “Archaeological Horizon” – This is the sum total of all artifacts at a site and it can be used to distinguish between episodes or periods of time. In the world of work, this is the equivalent of putting useful parameters around what is being discussed and considered. Re-tracing the roots of a presenting problem can sometimes lead down the rabbit hole, so delineating the horizon is important. It helps people see where other issues start/stop and what is “in-bounds or out-of-bounds” in a given situation.

Begin the “Excavation” – Many people take too narrow a view of excavation. It is not just bringing in the bulldozers and seeing what is dug up. In archaeology, excavation has three phases: exposure, processing and recording. In the workplace, these three phases are essential. Exposing issues and old wounds can be delicate, however, if a basic structure is used to process people's perspectives, feelings and ideas, then the findings can be recorded and made useful in the subsequent problem-solving phases. When thorough excavation is skipped, the wealth of critical information and data is left inaccessible just below the surface.

Discover the “Numismatics” – Numismatics refers to the study of currency. In the workplace, rather than coins and shells as the system of currency, we need to understand what values, beliefs and sources of power act as the currency for the people involved. Only by understanding the underlying drivers (what matters and to whom) can the details from the excavation be put into accurate and useful context. This can be accomplished with values clarification exercises or simply through discussion.

Ensure the “Preservation of Meaning” – Preservation of meaning is the total understanding of spiritual, psychological and perceptive values that people within a culture have toward artifacts and systems. By creating a shared sense of meaning – even when there is diversity among perspectives – it becomes possible to ensure that what people truly value can be preserved. This is a defining moment because developing and implementing problem solving strategies require commitment and buy-in. The best way to generate this is to connect solutions to what matters most for people: their core values and beliefs about priorities.

Used together, these lessons from the world of archaeology can help you discover important information buried in your own workplace.

Getting Those Disagreements Resolved

2010-04-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

A colleague of mine asked me to write about a few simple steps that can be used to navigate the proverbial "difficult conversation." I've written about this in past posts, but here is a helpful recap of a simple three-step process I use, including a self-guided preparation activity at the end:

Step 1: Initiate the Dialogue
Agree to have a conversation to explore issues, feelings and potential next steps.
- Opportunity to clear the air
- Understand how this conflict affects each of us
- Outline the values and needs at stake for each of us
- Uncover assumptions we each have

Step 2: Clarify the Situation
Communicate and clarify the important issues in order to elicit both perspectives on the situation.
- Tell “our stories” and goals for resolving the issue
- Clarify the issues in a productive manner
- Build a shared understanding of the important issues
- Identify what each person needs in order to move forward

Step 3: Brainstorm, Evaluate and Choose Solutions
Talk out loud about how to meet each other’s expectations.
- Focus the conversation on ways to meet or revise expectations
- As agreements form, give them the “Monday Test:” What will happen when we both come to work on Monday; will this help both of us move on?”
- Write down or verbally summarize the new expectations in a realistic and specific format
__________________________________________________

Preparation Activity:

- Think about a current or recent “unmet expectation” that either did or could possibly turn into a conflict at work
- Identify which of the 10 ineffective conflict management styles you used (or may be inclined to use) in this circumstance
- Review the three steps of conflict management and “script out” your approach to proactively address the situation
- Find a partner and practice working through each of the three steps

“Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow”

2010-04-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

We’ve all heard the inspiring call to action “live like there’s no tomorrow.” While this urgent directive can be helpful to get us out of our comfort zone for some things, it is decidedly unsound for the long term. I think something very different is required of those that manage and lead organizations in today’s volatile business economy. We have to manage and lead like there will be a tomorrow. To some, this may sound like the bar has been lowered to a plane just above survival. However, taking on this confident mindset is a prerequisite for surviving and thriving in the downturn.

In trying to sum up the impact of the collective change that I see managers and leaders experiencing across industries, I’ve described it as an “elegant disintegration of all things grasped for.” In practical terms, it means we don’t know which way is up…everything that we thought we knew now seems to be in question…and it doesn’t feel like much of anything can be counted upon. In fact, over the last six months most of my coaching and consulting clients have had one major goal in common – they want to establish at least some predictability during these incredibly uncertain times. More specifically, they are striving to establish meaningful strategies and action plans that can carry them through.

The first step in creating these strategies and plans is to make the conscious choice that the future can be shaped. I have always believed that today is the best preview of tomorrow. The attitudes that influence our thinking and inform the total set of adaptive choices we make and actions we take today are the best prediction of what tomorrow will hold. Therefore, making this subtle, but very powerful shift in thinking – we are managing like there will be a tomorrow – is the start of confidently putting one foot in front of the other. This is the surest way to get a foothold into a productive path forward.

All Leaders Have a Vision Problem

2010-03-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

All leaders have a vision problem, not because it is a unique barrier that leaders alone face, but because it is a human concern amplified by the specific role that leaders play in organizations. The vision problem is this: leaders are prone to see what they expect to see, and avoid what they don’t want to see.

Most conventional definitions of leadership include an aspect of ‘seeing the big picture’ and ‘charting a vision for the future.’ Both of these dictums imply the ability to observe, assess, and synthesize complex and often ambiguous inputs in order to make sense of the changing landscape in which the business or enterprise operates. In short, leaders have to see clearly in order to objectively strategize, collaborate, and decide on the organization’s course. But how can leaders effectively fulfill this aspect of their role with impaired vision?

The roots of this leadership vision problem are both biological (primarily cognitive) and cultural. Much has been written about the brain and business so I won’t revisit the pop science description of the brain’s need to take survival-enhancing short cuts via assumptions and pre-formulated mental shortcuts that reduce risk. Of course the problem with this lizard brain stuff is that the shortcuts often short-change our ability to see a bigger (more accurate) picture. As a result we often miss critical information and data that can help us to arrive at better all around conclusions.

In addition to this cognitive and developmental pattern, the rest of the vision problem stems from cultural norms. In the US, business schools around the country and much of the associated business media constantly reinforce a reactionary frenzy around the concept of “the rapid pace of business.” I have been guilty of this one too; often feeling justified to rush because the pace and depth of demands on my working life unfold at a speed and intensity that requires short cuts, brilliant strokes of insight in real time, and the necessary sacrifice of reflection and patience.

This cultural norm, which I call the “cult of right now,” fits the natural biological function of the brain seamlessly. However, when these cognitive and cultural factors combine they cause vision impairments for leaders that reduce performance in both the short and long term.

After more than 10 years of work in conflict mediation and executive coaching, my experience has confirmed that as leaders wrestle with their most significant challenges, vision correction (enhancement) is a critical and consistent factor of their success as they work through their concerns and advance on their highest goals.

Tools for vision correction must begin with two simultaneous efforts -- one of them internal to address the cognitive-developmental patterns that compel us to cheat on our process of seeing and considering all available input -- and the other one is external as it addresses leaders’ wrongly rooted conviction and related set of practices that enforce the “cult of right now.”

Implementing these tools requires attitude and behavioral modification, which this blog alone cannot achieve. However, let me offer two very clear starting places for those managers and leaders who recognize the importance of this kind of vision correction.

Regarding the external piece, there is a question tree that can be pursued that can challenge our innate assumptions and force us to at least expand the horizon and peripheral observations we include in our analysis. You can customize these questions to suit your specific role and/or industry practice, but the general flow goes like this: what are the current limits I have set around the problem/issue/idea I am considering; in what areas could I stretch those limits to include new and different input; who could I present my thinking to in order to get a different take on things; now that I’ve stretched the parameters and gotten some contrary views, what are two or three potentially reasonable answers or conclusions; of these somewhat diverse possibilities, which one is preferred…

These questions can be asked in rapid succession, though ideally they can be sequenced over a few days to allow for substantial echoes and insights. Following this line of inquiry can help to take the blinders off and promote healthier vision.

Now, regarding the external need to confront popular business culture’s “cult of right now,” my suggestion is to immerse yourself in the contrarian mindset on this one. Model it in your attitude and in your behavior. When a colleague says: “look at me, I’m doing the job of three people,” you know that he’s likely just doing less with less and that the miracle of doing more with less is actually a myth. When your CEO screams that she wants an answer yesterday to one of your biggest challenges, push back and create the space you need to get the right answer even if it requires more reflection and extended analysis.

Know that when demands increase but resources to meet them do not grow, it is paramount to hone the discipline of choice. To avoid getting caught up in rash decisions and compromises, choose to slow down and absorb the bigger picture in order to make the best decision with available information. Get used to the initial disappointment of false instant accomplishment and instead embrace the imperfection of not getting it all done.

Focusing on accurate information and realistic priorities in this way requires us to be brutally honest about what matters most and to make hard choices about which goals are just not that important right now. In the end, you’ll get more of what matters most done and establish a precedent of reflection and patience that is welcome in any business climate.

Some Collaboration is Wrong…Even When It Is for a Good Reason

2010-03-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

There is not simply one kind of collaboration. It is a gross over simplification to speak about collaboration in homogenous terms because it takes on diverse implications every time a collaborative initiative is put into effect.

The goal of collaboration is to get better results and while not everyone practices the same degree of discipline in their choices about when, where, why and with whom to collaborate – there is general agreement that there is a “right time and a wrong time and a right way and a wrong way” to collaborate.

A very common breakdown in effective collaboration occurs in organizations of every size when the wrong kind of collaboration is used, even if it is applied for a good reason.

One very good outcome of successful collaboration is the social capital that is built through exercising effective communication, mutually exploring interests and ultimately developing stronger relationships (that are quite useful when difficult circumstances arise). This is important and it should be recognized as a legitimate by-product of successful collaboration. However, this good will and social capital is not the end goal of collaboration and when it is over utilized, it inadvertently distracts us from the right kind of collaboration.

The right kind of collaboration is often quite challenging. By definition, if an individual could get a better result themselves, they would pursue that path because it is more efficient. True collaboration is plural and often challenging because of communication incompatibility, differences of opinion, and uncertainty of outcome. We tend to do less of this kind of collaboration, despite the fact that it holds the most potential for achieving better results.

When it is easy and it feels good to connect, communicate and problem solve with another person we tend to do more of that kind of collaboration. The paradox which undermines our overall effectiveness is that we could benefit more from challenging collaboration, yet we do less of it because it is time consuming and susceptible to an uncertain outcome.

The lesson here is to confront this paradox when it emerges. Choose opportunities for collaboration when they represent the right reasons. When it feels easy and good to collaborate, question the motive and make sure the end goal of a better result can be achieved.

Trigger Truce

2010-03-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

Working with a badly-behaving sales team, I noticed an interesting pattern of interaction at their weekly staff meetings. A tit-for-tat response pattern had developed over a few grueling months when their sales targets had increased, but the capacity to pursue leads had not been commensurately augmented. The pressure from this inverse equation led to a cycle of escalated bickering. Over time, as the intensity increased the sour interactions began to erode the trust and capacity for the kind of sophisticated collaboration required among team members.

After a few one-to-one conversations to explore the underlying issues and concerns from various perspectives, it turned out that they were in fact triggering each others’ insecurities regarding the difficulty of achieving the sales goals. As a result, rather than working together to meet the stretch goals for their team, they developed hair-pin triggers that decreased focus on priorities, encouraged disruptive communication and ultimately sabotaged their own efforts to meet their targets.

Our responses to triggers may not be wanted or even conscious, though they often surface with a force of will all their own. Without delving too deeply into the complex psychology of triggers, here’s a simple way to define triggers in the workplace: the attitudes, words (spoken and unsaid), and actions that spark a rehearsed response based on a past experience. Once the context and nature of triggers are identified, we gain room to assess our knee-jerk reactions and seek alternative choices that are more aligned with our goals.

As I began working with this sales team to explore their triggers, I reminded them of a few key factors to pay attention to. I put them into the form of questions to generate insights and discussion: 1) when are you more likely to be triggered into the pattern of ineffective behavior (e.g. high stress level, etc.); 2) what, if any, gap do you see in the intensity of your response and the intensity of the circumstances; and 3) what is perhaps fueling this pattern and making it such a significant part of your experience at work? Once we began discussing these questions, the conversation actually took a humorous tone. As one person put it, “it was more comfortable to poke fun at myself for acting childish because it took the pressure off of blaming the other team members.”

Once individuals began to more clearly identify the kinds of inciting behaviors that were undermining their work together, I invited them to waive the white flag and hold a trigger truce for 30 days. The goal was to allow them to clear the air, get off of the “reactionary offensive” and to notice how, if at all, the quality of their interactions changed as a result of the stopped behavior. Most importantly, the trigger truce gave them an opportunity to look with fresh eyes at their work priorities in order to make greater progress on the essential tasks and responsibilities that had been put aside during the interpersonal issue.

"Don’t Talk Your Highest Priorities off the Ledge"

2010-02-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

In our fast-moving, complex world of work sometimes the toughest challenge is discerning the right choice. However, an even bigger issue can bog us down once we have zeroed-in on the right decision.

When a clear path emerges and we know what we need to do, we often sabotage ourselves by talking our highest priorities off the ledge.

Perhaps it is a difficult conversation with a colleague, or maybe it is a tough staffing decision that will have immediate and adverse impacts on people; whatever it is, when a difficult choice presents itself it is often accompanied by a series of rationalizations or believable stories that justify why taking the leap is no good.

Two predictable factors are in play when we counsel ourselves into passive-mode and step back from the edge of implementation: 1) initiating the decision is a stretch from our everyday comfort zone and/or standard skill set; and 2) the absence of courage to act is re-framed as "uncertainty" (buying into the story of confusion leads to indecision at the moment of truth).

The next time an important priority emerges for you and you feel yourself stepping back from action, think about the following reminders:

- A small degree of uncertainty is healthy because it signals a convergence of diverse perspectives and means that you’re seeing the issue from all angles;

- A deeper reserve of courage to act on the right priorities can be summoned in the form of a flexible mindset, which is the willingness to adapt if new information can improve the decision or action; and

- Your investment of time and energy that went into determining the best solution must be trusted – in other words, you climbed to the ledge precisely because you knew you needed to take this important step.

While it is never easy to stretch beyond our comfort zone, experience will teach us that stepping back from the ledge of our highest priorities leaves us nowhere to go but down.

“What’s for Breakfast? Your Business’ Strategy!”

2010-01-25T09:13:00.000-08:00

Many people mistakenly think that the hardest thing in running a business is developing and continuously adjusting the right strategy to achieve the business’ desired goals. While having a sound strategy to deal with competitive pressures and economic uncertainties is critical, it is the process of implementing strategy that can be the major obstacle to long-term organizational success.

Recently a client from the hotel business was developing a complicated workforce development strategy. As the finishing touches were being put on the plan, the team leader confirmed that “we nailed it”. At that moment, I quickly interjected a popular buzz phrase to the rest of the team - “culture eats strategy for breakfast”. I explained that this is an accurate and realistic danger because many business leaders develop their short and long-term plans in a vacuum, thinking that the strategy itself will be enough to lead the way.

It always has been, and always will be, the people who must integrate change and adapt their attitudes and behaviors to new strategic directions if those changes will firmly take hold. If you’ve ever tried to steer an organization into a new direction through pure technical or strategic means, rather than incorporating a human strategy component that accounts for the living, breathing, working culture of the organization itself, then you know what I am talking about. It can be like herding cats.

An interesting question about organizational culture is: can we really influence it, or will it simply do what it does? In my work with organizations and their leaders I have come to believe that indeed we can influence workplace culture in meaningful ways so that good strategy has the chance to flourish. The next time you formulate the perfect set of strategic goals for your business, the following ideas may help you to integrate the strategy into the culture of your organization before it gets eaten for breakfast:

Know What Culture Is - Your culture doesn’t need to be a vague or lofty concept. Workplace culture is simply the collective stories, attitudes, beliefs, rules, behaviors, jokes and experiences that are learned and shared by those inside the organization. When it is meshing, culture is a powerful force that helps people understand each other and work effectively together. When it becomes dysfunctional or goes through periods of change, it can be a powerful force that contributes to misunderstanding, conflict, poor working relationships and inefficiency.

Treat Culture Like a System - The culture of your organization is a complex system, with lots and lots of moving parts that come together to give it its unique identity. When integrating new elements to the system (e.g. strategic plans), it is critical to take a step back and look at the written and unwritten rules of the organization to know how the strategy will be understood and received. Some cultures strive to hold firmly to their history and identity, while some others are built around the notion of continuous change. Sometimes the different parts of the system do not see the world in the same way; therefore, communicating context and insight related to proposed strategic change is essential.

Listen to Voices and Give them Choices - It is important to listen to all the voices within the organization. Often there are internal influencers (they could be positive contributors or underminers) that hold sway with the pulse of the group. All voices, despite their potential opposition to a new prospective strategy, should be fully integrated into the discussion. Listening is only the first part of this process, however. Opening up a forum for dialogue and an exchange of views gives people an empowering voice and renders organizational members more likely to support (even if they don’t fully agree with) strategic changes.

Considering these ideas may provide you with a wider perspective that ultimately helps to get things done. Imagine what’s possible when strategic thinking and cultural understanding skip breakfast and just do lunch.

Repairing a Breach of Trust in a Team

2010-01-18T10:16:00.001-08:00

A great friend and colleague of mine, Wendy Frasier, just completed an exciting doctoral research project where she studied what team members did to work through and repair a breach of trust. She came up with six very insightful findings, which I mention here briefly:

- The teams that successfully worked through a breach of trust made more attempts to repair trust and matched an appropriate remedy to respond to the nature of the violation;

- They took an appropriate amount of time to engage in repair efforts;

- Group members were intentional about engagement, relationship building and Use of Self;

- People acknowledged their part in the violation(s) and were tenacious in the repair efforts;

- The groups generally had the right people and accessed additional people if they needed help; and

- Effective leadership within these groups influenced the repair strategy and overall success.

Thanks to the results of this study, there is now a clearer, evidence-based way to look at the success factors of working through a breach of trust in teams. You can learn more about Wendy's work here: http://wendyf.com/index.php

10,000 Hours

2010-01-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

[The following post offers a brief excerpt from the upcoming Breaking Barriers book:]

Most efforts to explain the process of acquiring expertise in a given skill or endeavor include reference to a certain number of hours dedicated to intentional practice. Usually this number is 10,000, which represents the total investment required to form the vast superstructure of neural connections, habits, and patterns of attitude and action that signal the highest level of proficiency in the given undertaking.

The thought of attaining this level of expertise for most of us is overwhelming and (if we're honest) out of reach. We often project this gap because the demands of daily life leave precious few “extra” hours on evenings and weekends to pursue our truest ambitions. However, there is an activity that each of us could benefit from greater expertise. Conveniently, the nature of this activity also provides room for the timing and practice required for our 10,000 hours. I am referring to the practice of continuous learning and performance at work.

Let me put the incentive for this in terms of my own demographic: Considering the current life expectancy for Gen X’ers like me, as well as the current downward trend in the economy, if I keep my health and wits about me then I will most likely work until I am 75 years old. If we consider the implications of current bio-technology research and medical advances that could improve health and sustain quality of life beyond current levels, the millennial generation and those that follow are likely to perhaps live and work well into their 100’s. Even for me, these 60+ years spent in the workplace make an absolutely definitive statement about the truth of the adage life is work and work is life.

So, here we all are – destined to fulfill a working life with increasing pressure on ourselves to remain employable. Breaking Barriers offers a set of integrated models that can serve as a road map to navigate the challenges and pitfalls of work. When integrated fully, the system of personal and professional development can pervade every aspect of how good work is done - from the simple interactions between colleagues to the major activities and decisions an organization engage in. If you commit to full immersion into Breaking Barriers, then your path to proficiency is a lot more realistic.

Instead of the inconsistent half-hour each evening and a few hours on the weekend to inch closer to excellence, I am suggesting that the workplace can be your workshop where your full-time devotion to learning the art and practice of Breaking Barriers and improving performance can dramatically accelerate the path to expertise.

The average full-time employee works around 2,080 hours per year and in this regard getting to 10,000 hours of hard-earned practice will take less than five years. If you are going to spend 70 years in a working life, isn’t it worth the investment to set a trajectory of optimal performance and increased personal success?

Make no mistake; there isn't a short cut to this kind of proficiency - everyone must earn these 10,000 hours if they wish to experience the benefits of mastery. However, I believe that the development of meaningful excellence at work is something that each one of us can attain. The benefits include greater personal and professional success, as well as a high-demand skills set that will go with us as careers and jobs evolve into an unknown future.

What’s Your Formula For Success?

2009-12-29T08:10:00.000-08:00

For many people, the reasons behind our success or failure in managing the day-to-day demands of life feel mysterious and difficult to understand. Not only are there the everyday challenges to contend with, but often we experience emergencies that require additional energy to address. When you take these demands and consider the added dimension of our goals and aspirations for the future, it can feel overwhelming to find a path forward.

When coaching a person or consulting with an organization that is having a hard time meeting the on-going demands of their circumstances, I invite them to make an honest assessment of their formula for success. Borrowing from the psychologist and researcher Howard McClusky’s theory of margin, we can identify the fundamental variables that influence their success. If they are not achieving at the level they want, the simple formula indicates what changes could be made to improve results and create greater satisfaction.

The formula looks something like this: LOAD/POWER = MARGIN. Load represents the total internal self and external social demands that must be met in the course of living (i.e. family and career obligations as well as goals and personal expectations, etc.). Power is equivalent to the resources we have at our disposal to meet those demands (i.e. financial resources, time, supportive relationships, accumulated skills, resiliency, etc.). Margin is the excess of power at our disposal that can be utilized to meet both expected and unexpected challenges that arise.

Obviously, a person with a high margin of excess power is in a better position to successfully adjust to emergencies that arise, as well as to apply their surplus power to new areas of growth and development. When a person or organization’s load is much greater than the available reserve of power, the inverse margin can create tremendous stress and limited success. The question becomes how can we increase our power or decrease our load so that our margin for success grows?

After taking an inventory of all the factors pertaining to their load and power, I then ask the client to create a start doing and stop doing list. This list becomes a guide for selectively reducing the load factors and intentionally surrounding them with power factors to get their margin into better balance. The conversation could go something like this:

- Client: I have way too much on my plate right now to be successful at the things that matter most!

- Coach: Okay, let’s take a look at everything on your plate and prioritize your commitment to these things. This will give you the chance to let go of responsibilities that are negotiable.

- Client: Okay, as much as I would like to hold on to this, I guess I need to let go of activity x.

- Coach: Good, now that you’ve looked at the LOAD factors, let’s look at ways to shore up resources and increase your POWER. What available or easily acquired resources could we add to help you in your everyday experiences?

- Client: I never ask my colleagues for advice and they are much more experienced than me. Also, I forget that I have paid time off that I never take – maybe I should give myself some down time between big projects.

- Coach: Great, what else?

As this conversation progresses, ideally the MARGIN gets into a better balance and the client is now aware of a tool they can use to identify and improve their formula for success. Imagine what’s possible when you adjust your formula for greater success.

Whitewashing

2009-12-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

Let’s face it; everything is not created equal in the workplace. One of the most common mistakes managers and leaders make is to treat all outcomes the same. This is often called whitewashing because everything is made to look the same on the surface.

When we treat all goals and outcomes the same, we inadvertently divert our energy and attention away from the most critical priorities. In a challenging business environment, this distraction from essential priorities can be a fatal flaw.

Although it can be important to consistently check tasks off your to do list, if your efforts are focused on the easier, but less critical priorities, then you risk leaving the more difficult challenges left undone. This requires us to be brutally honest about what matters most and to make hard choices about goals that we may not succeed at initially.

All of us, especially managers and leaders must distinguish good successes from okay successes in order to instill “top of mind focus” on the most essential priorities. When we do this, we’ll stop whitewashing and the true colors of our goals and objectives will shine through.

“Get Rid Of Your URPs”

2009-11-23T07:24:00.000-08:00

One constant in the complex and diverse world of human relationships is that everybody, no matter how good of a communicator they are, experiences times when communication breaks down and they just get stuck. One of the questions that is often asked in these moments of confusion or hurt is “how did this happen”? While the variables involved with answering this type of question are vast and sometimes beyond our individual control, there is often a dynamic in play that can very much influence our communication experiences and overall relationships.

An Unwanted Repetitive Pattern (URP) is a term that describes the assumed role that a person often falls into when they are communicating with someone else. These are the all too predictable patterns of communication, which in the moment seem unavoidable and even inescapable to the participants. They may often take the form of arguments, nag-withdrawal patterns and other events that steadily diminish the quality of relationships one conversation at a time. I would venture a guess that everyone experiences URPs of some kind in their significant relationships. Pearce and Cronen coined this term in their communication research and the concept is described here as a tool for seeing how each of us may unconsciously keep falling into these unwanted circumstances.

A quick example might help to clarify the concept: Imagine a husband and wife are working hard to be partners in their marriage. The pressures of managing the family, the home and all the stuff take a toll and are often the source of their arguments. Based upon their deeply held attitudes about money, each time things get tight with the family budget, the couple participates in nearly the exact same conversation. Each person performs the same role, with nearly the same words and behaviors. Despite the fact that this repetitive pattern causes hurt and is not really helping them to address their issues, it continues to repeat itself.

The physics of these URPs works something like this: Throughout our relationships we develop a strong sense of what we think we “should do” in a specific context. Over time, whenever that familiar context presents itself, the same set of behaviors naturally recurs. Rather than stopping to evaluate what we want out of a given situation, we effortlessly replay a similar pattern of words, non-verbal communication cues and attitudes that embody this sense of what we ought to be doing. For people who have experienced a dysfunctional relationship with a co-worker, significant other, friend or family member, they often describe the URP as an invisible force that pulls them in a specific direction or pattern of communication.

If you find yourself experiencing a URP, there are a couple of things you can do to disrupt the pattern. The first thing is to notice the dynamic when it occurs. Focus on exactly what the “should” is and observe the specific context that evokes the strong knee-jerk pattern of attitudes and behaviors. When you become more comfortable noticing the pattern, begin to ask these two questions: 1) What would I choose to create in this relationship instead of the URP? and 2) How would these changes alter this relationship so that a new context emerges?

By focusing and eventually getting some clarity on these two questions, it becomes possible to get the leverage needed to change the strong pull of a URP. Although they can be difficult to shift because of their years of strong influence upon us, URPs can be replaced by confident and intentional choices for more effective communication and better relationships. Imagine what’s possible when we ditch our URPs and replace them with more satisfying interactions with others!

Today's Barrier: Fear & Anxiety

2009-11-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

In this economy, uncertainty is all around. When that uncertainty gives way to a a deeper sense of fear and anxiety, there are many immediate challenges with learning and performance.

With fear and anxiety at the core, related barriers such as a loss of focus on priorities, decreased motivation to tackle difficult challenges, and low resilience to adversity quickly come into the picture. More subtle, but no less important, are the barriers that slowly erode our long-term success in the workplace. These include decreased trust in the relevance of our work, loss of urgency for achieving difficult goals, and the inability to relate to and collaborate with others effectively.

If you discover that you are operating with consistent feelings of fear and anxiety, make an effort to name the specific causes of concern as they surface. By bringing these into the open, you have a chance of exposing the assumptions that often leave us feeling paralyzed. Once you see the source, simply notice how the factors show up and what outcomes they cause. This process will also bring into focus the things that you can actually influence, as well as the external factors that you simply have to accept and adapt to.

The cost of being overrun by fear and anxiety is too steep to stay in that frame of mind, so look to make subtle shifts toward empowerment as you exert influence over the incremental changes you can manage with confidence.

“Distraction from Multitasking”

2009-11-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

Multitasking has been widely recognized as an important skill in today’s fast paced and competitive business environment. By completing multiple tasks simultaneously, the idea is that one can do more with less time and in the process withstand the multiple interruptions and pressures of the modern workplace.

However, new research indicates that multitasking not only results in the loss of time, but it reduces our overall effectiveness and the accuracy of our work. It turns out that the busyness associated with switching back and forth between tasks reduces the valuable self-talk and mental processing time we actually need to make good decisions. Rather than saving us time and money, multitasking can represent as much as a 40% reduction in our overall productivity. That’s not very efficient.

While channel surfing, reading a magazine and eating a snack on the couch at home is harmless, reducing your productivity at work by 40% could leave you out of a job. The next time you’re tempted to email, voicemail and rehearse a presentation all at once, think about the benefit of focusing on each task separately until they’re complete. It’s about going slow to go fast.

Patterns That Sustain Barriers: One Strong Leader

2009-10-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

Some of you have asked me to say more about the patterns that sustain barriers to learning and performance in the workplace. Here is a brief explanation of one that I see quite often in teams. The platform of this blog does not enable me to include the image, but picture a cycle for the following six stages to get a feel for this pattern:

One Strong Leader -

1) In a void, one outspoken, strong person steps up to lead the team;
2) Others fall back and are less engaged as a result;
3) As new challenges arise, the pattern re-enforces a “if nobody else will step up, I have to just go it alone” attitude and the leader is even more disproportionally engaged;
4) As time goes on, the lack of invitations for more engagement from the leader further alienates team members results in hurt feelings;
5) This lack of collaboration and open communication over time prevents issues from being discussed; and finally
6) The growing resentment re-enforces and sustains the existing pattern of one strong leader.

In this situations, it is critical for the strong leader to maintain a broader awareness of the team dynamic. Despite their good intentions, strong leaders must recognize that going it alone is seldom - if ever - a good option. He or she must work hard to engage others, especially those that may not be as outspoken. As far as the team members, it is not reasonable to withdraw and complain. That makes them complicit in the team dysfunction. Everyone must work hard to express their concerns, then step up to the plate to take responsibility for rectifying their part of the problem.

“How to Bring Out the Best in Others When All You See is Their Worst”

2009-10-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

There’s nothing better than hanging up the phone or walking out of a meeting when the person you worked with not only did their job, but they made it easier for you to do yours too. Unfortunately, the reason it feels so refreshing is because it doesn’t happen very often. Too frequently our interactions with associates, customer service reps and clients result in disappointment and ineffective outcomes.

Working with difficult people is a defining experience for all of us. It’s a universal occurrence for everyone because we interpret behavior differently and at some point, each of us becomes the difficult person to someone else. For those who are good communicators and consistently courteous, it may be a bad day here and there. For others who have significant challenges with interpersonal effectiveness, they may not ever ‘play nice’.

Arrogant, smug, condescending, patronizing, inept, sarcastic, blasé, uninformed – these words are often used to describe the behavior and/or personality of a difficult person. Despite the fact that it can feel intentional, many difficult people are simply producing behaviors from the negative side of their personality. In other words, we’re working with them when they are not operating from their strengths. Understanding what makes people feel difficult to us often makes it less frustrating to deal with them. When we encounter a difficult person, one of the best things we can do is to observe how we are triggered by them and take personal responsibility for shifting the interaction to a more positive place.

How can we turn the tide when we get off on the wrong foot with a person? How can we make progress when it seems a person’s only objective is to prevent it? And, how can we inspire others to think and act in more helpful ways? Consider the following strategies to help bring out the best in others when all you see is their worst:

When There Is Confusion
When a situation turns negative, often there is some degree of confusion or miscommunication involved. Before things get worse, ask the person to clarify their understanding of the situation. Listen respectfully to de-escalate emotions and then offer your perspective. Use it as an opportunity to be crystal clear about the situation.

When It Is A Question Of Motivation
It’s not our responsibility to help other people enjoy their lives or like their jobs. However, human nature is a blend of complex emotions and at times we have to know how to motivate others to help us. If they do not offer to provide the support you need, find a way to connect with this person to motivate them to work with you.

When It Is A Question Of Skill
When the skill level required to complete a task is too far out in front of a person’s ability, they can often be stretched to the point of negative stress and defensive action. To avoid exacerbating the situation, attempt to balance the skill gap with your own abilities, or attempt to work with someone who possesses the necessary knowledge and skills.

If They Become Defensive
If you anticipate that the person will react defensively, avoid interrogating questions and try to describe the problem/request in more objective terms. Use non-blaming language, remain calm, keep a sense of humor if you can, and try to make it a mutual problem to solve. Always be tough on the problem and easy on the people.

If You Feel Like Giving Up On Them
Don’t give up on a person too soon! There are some people that are difficult to work with no matter what approach you take, however, most people are not like that. Facing an initial obstacle or road block does not warrant the conclusion that ‘I just can’t work with this person’.

The next time you interact with a difficult person, hang in there and take the high road whenever you can. Imagine what’s possible if we all brought out the best in others when all we saw was their worst...

Doing Less with Less

2009-09-30T08:24:00.001-07:00

The business world is booming with axiomatic statements about the need to do more with less. Unfortunately, the tales of workforce reduction are turning into a kind of bragging right. The other day I heard a manager smugly say that she is now doing the work of three people! Really?

The downturn is definitely requiring more from everyone, however, in most cases people are simply doing less with less. It is a myth to think that one can flip a switch and double or triple their capacity overnight. While the fat trimming does create more capacity, it is not at the level required by most cutbacks. So what does this mean for those who survive the cutbacks? Let’s use process of elimination to get to a reasonable conclusion:

Should we just multitask more?
No, multitasking is not the answer. Although multitasking has been widely recognized as an important skill in today’s competitive business environment, research indicates that multitasking not only results in the loss of time, but it reduces our overall effectiveness and the accuracy of our work.

Should we just work more days and longer hours?
No, working harder is not the answer. While there may be some short-term benefit from this extra time, burn out from this tact would further cripple the productivity of the workforce.

Should we re-focus our priorities on the most essential organizational objectives and then set aside the appropriate level of resources required to meet them?
Yes, in my experience this is the best response to the often unreasonable mandate to do more with less.

Let’s face it; everything is not created equal in the workplace. One of the most common mistakes managers and leaders make is to treat all outcomes the same. This is called whitewashing because everything is made to look the same on the surface. When we treat all goals and outcomes the same, we inadvertently divert our energy and attention away from the most critical priorities. In a challenging business environment, this distraction from essential priorities can be a fatal flaw. The valiant, but miserable attempts to do “more with less” risks leaving the more difficult challenges left undone.

Focusing on priorities in this way requires us to be brutally honest about what matters most and to make hard choices about which goals are just not that important. In the end, you’ll get more of what matters most – done.

Mediation Tips For Business Owners

2009-09-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today’s current business owner and tomorrow’s entrepreneur alike require a range of critical skills to successfully navigate the challenges of doing business. Often overlooked and undervalued are the soft, people skills that mark the difference between deal-making and deal-breaking. One’s ability to mediate opposing interests and find win-win solutions in the face of conflict is a considerable leverage point that can save time, money and get results.

Here are a few quick tips for the businessperson to remember when opposing viewpoints or agendas need to come together:

- Attack the problem, not the person. Remember to be hard on the substance of the dispute but soft on the people. Although emotions may rise, both parties are in the same situation. Step back, separate the person from the problem and make a good faith attempt to put energy into solutions vs. blaming.

- Reframe for easier understanding. The way you speak your mind is often more important than what you say. To hear and be heard, use open language that expresses the simple points. Avoid comments embellished with condescending jargon, personal attacks or negative tones.

- Find ways to create more value. It is easy to focus on a ‘fixed-pie’, or a finite set of value when competing. Try to expand the pie by understanding deeper interests that could lead to other possible points of agreement.

The Knowing-Doing Gap

2009-09-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Each year more than $60 billion dollars is spent on training programs in and by organizations in the United States. It is estimated that an additional $46 billion is spent on various types of consultants who offer their advice to individual and organizational clients. The question is, are these dollars well spent? When people attend trainings, workshops and retreats, or work with consultants to address problems, do they take the new information, knowledge and skills and implement them back in the workplace?

While we learn valuable new ideas and skills at these events, we often become quickly and painfully aware of the challenge of turning them into real changes. This gap between knowing and doing is something that must be understood and addressed if our money spent on training and development is going to be worth the investment.

While the gap is widely experienced, it is surprisingly under-researched. A promising long-term goal is to develop a research-based model to help people understand and close their gaps. In the meantime, I offer the following insight as a starting place to help you turn ideas into action.

I use a simple formula to understand what the nature of the gap is:

Understanding of knowledge/skill + motivation to improve – internal/external obstacles = GAP

This equation illustrates the variables involved and it can be used in the form of questions to guide our thinking both before and after a training or other learning event. Questions like: How well do I understand the topic and how can I improve my knowledge of it? What is my current level of motivation and will that be sufficient when the initial excitement wanes? What are some obstacles to be aware of in changing behaviors or implementing change?

In addition to the above formula and questions, consider the following reminders as well:

Measure your goals on the substance of new knowledge and skill, not on excitement alone. We often experience a let down in motivation as we return to the “real world” and confront the obstacles to implementing new ideas and making real changes. Therefore, as we focus energy and attention on understanding and surrendering to the obstacles that could prevent us from “doing”, we are able to apply our motivation and excitement and keep our anticipated goals in proper perspective.

Start small and be specific. One of the biggest culprits of the “retreat letdown” or knowing-doing gap is the lofty expectation of how much new information/behavior can be implemented. Behavior change takes time and can best be accomplished in focused, incremental spurts. Start small, take one thing at a time and don’t give up.

Take a positive learning attitude. When you find obstacles to implementing new knowledge/skills, try to assess why the block is there. Avoid turning negative and becoming pessimistic. Imagine what’s possible when we can close or eliminate the gap between knowing and doing...

Not All Halos Are Created Equal

2009-09-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

In his book The Halo Effect, Phil Rosenzweig does us all a favor as he defines one of the most intrinsic barriers to learning and performance in the workplace. While there can be several types of “Halo Effects,” essentially the barrier occurs when we make specific evaluations based on a general impression. For example, if we really like the CEO of a company and we see the firm attain great financial results, we might conclude that the company’s leadership and associated strategy is the reason for the firm’s success. In reality, the factors contributing to the firm’s financial outcomes may be unrelated to either the leadership style or strategy implemented by the CEO.

Without going into too much detail, the reason that Halos are all around us is because of our tendency to quickly take in vast amounts of data and to take short cuts in sorting what is important from what is not. While this tendency to generalize has helped humans survive lots of physical danger (that rustling noise might be a tiger in the bushes), it also creates many cognitive problems for those seeking great decisions based on nuanced information.

It turns out that vast amounts of business literature and self-help programs promise to identify the keys to success, but many (perhaps most) of them are based on data, information and assumptions that have been distorted in some way or another by the Halo Effect. As Rosenzweig points out in the following book excerpt, the Halo Effect can also result in other business delusions:

- The Delusion of Absolute Performance: Company performance is relative to competition, not absolute, which is why following a formula can never guarantee results. Success comes from doing things better than rivals, which means that managers have to take risks.

- The Delusion of Rigorous Research: Many bestselling authors praise themselves for the vast amount of data they have gathered, but forget that if the data aren't valid, it doesn't matter how much was gathered or how sophisticated the research methods appear to be. They trick the reader by substituting sizzle for substance.

- The Delusion of Single Explanations: Many studies show that a particular factor, such as corporate culture or social responsibility or customer focus, leads to improved performance. But since many of these factors are highly correlated, the effect of each one is usually less than suggested.

To avoid the adverse impacts of the Halo Effect, I recommend developing a brief checklist prior to implementing important decisions. This list could include questions that force us to review the assumptions that we may have left unchecked throughout our process, including: “What conclusion(s) did I have to accept to arrive at this decision? Can I trust these conclusions or should I revisit them in some way? Where might there be Halos in and around this decision? What new information and data is required to make a better decision?”

If we do this well, we can expose Halos and both elevate the level of discussion within our team and enhance our own capacity to think critically about the variables leading to a decision.

Will You Notice Your Breakthrough?

2009-08-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

In a recent coaching session I worked with a client who was in the process of pondering a significant life change. She expressed a deep level of frustration and confusion concerning the direction she should take. The stress of being in limbo seemed to only add to the urgency and frustration of her situation. At stake was the classic choice of “taking the leap” vs. “staying put and playing it safe”.

Rather than keeping the conversation at the intellectual level, I shifted directions and asked her what she noticed when she imagined saying yes and moving forward with the decision. I then asked her what she noticed about her body language, tone of voice and general mood when she pondered the no decision.

After a few minutes of reflecting, she said “When I think about the yes decision, I become excited…I feel energetic and alive…and I straighten right up…When I imagine saying no, I slump down a bit and I feel tired and frustrated”. Following up I asked her what she thought her physiology was telling her that her brain could not. At this point, she got the breakthrough that she was looking for and made her decision. I don’t think she would have arrived at that point unless she stopped to notice the subtle signs that were all around her.

How do you determine the critical choices you need to make in life? Perhaps the more practical decisions are informed by what you can rationally decide through your own assumptions, logic and reasoning. But what about those tricky decisions that tie you up in knots and leave you stranded at the crossroads?

If you are at a juncture in life where you want to make a change or decision of some kind, it’s important to avoid an all too familiar trap that distracts us from noticing the important, but subtle pieces of the puzzle. I call this distraction “expecting a revelation”. It’s the expectation that we must have a “big discovery” or a “life-changing confirmation” in the form of a lighting bolt, which will somehow illuminate the path forward. By setting our sights on this big moment in the sky, unfortunately we can miss the opportunity to notice the stream of quieter moments that often hold the key we’re waiting on.

If you’re hoping to find a way through a conflict, tune in to an inner gut feeling about a decision you need to make, or discover a path toward reaching your goals, following these steps may help you notice that the answer is right in front of you:

- First, make a conscious choice to set aside the analysis and self-talk in order to listen for something new;

- Next, take a few minutes to simply listen to what you feel as you reflect on the various aspects of the issue or decision you’re faced with – there’s no need to label or interpret the feelings at this point, the goal is to become aware of them;

- Next, think about moving along a continuum from 1) unconscious awareness about your thoughts and feelings to 2) noticing, then to 3) focused attention on the insights behind your thoughts and feelings; and

- Finally, because it’s usually the internal obstacles that hold us up more than the external ones, bring intentional focus and attention on any remaining concerns or doubts. Noticing and focusing on these can reveal new understanding, angles and insights that you can then integrate it into your larger process of decision-making.

At the end of the day, we have a measure of choice and control over what we are aware of, but what we are unaware of controls us. To access the subtle insights that can help you navigate the day-to-day relationships, interactions and decisions you’re faced with, try the simple act of noticing and becoming more aware of the feelings and impulses of your experience. They will inform your actions and decisions in positive ways. Imagine what’s possible when we focus our attention on the little things that allow us to notice the breakthrough we seek.

New Pod Casts

2009-08-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Check out the three latest additions to the Breaking Barriers podcast! Download them free on iTunes and enjoy the fresh ideas and insights for success at work, at home and in life.

Whitewashing - Put down the to-do list and thing about what really matters.

Pain is Changeful - Don't waste one ounce of painful change.

Inability to Let Go of the Past - There is nothing quite as strong as the gravitational pull of the past.

Make the Most of Every Complaint

2009-08-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Complaining has gotten a bad wrap. Just today I saw a bumper sticker that said “Stop Global Whining” – a coy reference to everything that is annoying about complaining (and complainers), yet a statement that overlooks the fact that every complaint holds the potential for something powerful - an opportunity for real change.

A complaint is like the tip of an iceberg – it is a small representation of something bigger that exists below the visible surface. While complaints often appear to be simple, negative reactions, they are also a sign of things that matter to us. Revealing what is below the surface of our complaints can help us connect to what matters most.

Psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey provide insight into the way our surface-level complaints represent something powerful when they say: “We would not complain about anything unless we cared about something.” During a recent conversation with a coaching client who shared a significant complaint with me, I used an activity based on Kegan and Lahey’s work to help him follow the path of his complaint to his underlying values and priorities.

- His complaint, which was said with equal parts venom and hopelessness, went something like this: “I can’t stand it when people talk behind each others’ backs, the constant backbiting and gossip is killing morale”.

- After acknowledging what he said and telling him I appreciated how strongly he felt about it, I asked him to take that complaint and restate it in the form of a commitment – in other words, behind the complaint, what is your commitment? He replied, “Well, I guess I’m committed to more open and direct communication with colleagues at work”.

- Great, I said, now as you think about your commitment, what are you doing or not doing that prevents your commitment from being fully realized? “Um, I don’t speak up when colleagues gossip about others. And, I won’t always speak to a person directly when I have an issue with them.”

- Okay, now looking at your behavior, are you also committed to something else – do you have a competing commitment? After some thought, he replied “Yes, I guess I’m also committed to not being seen as some ‘righteous crusader’, or ‘condescending watchdog’. And, I want people to feel comfortable with me.”

- We discovered that he holds several commitments that are working against each other. Now, I said, when you look at your competing commitments, do you see a big assumption that holds them together? “Yes! I assume that if people do see me as the righteous crusader then they will avoid me, I would eventually become shunned and have no real connections at my office, and then work would become a nightmare.”

In review, I asked him what he noticed about the exercise. Like the many others who I have done this activity with, he was amazed at the way his competing commitments and assumptions had created a frustrating cycle of disappointment. He said, “I’ve been feeling like a whiner, but now I can see my convictions and use those in a more productive way”.

Rather than looking outward and blaming others for his dissatisfaction, he had a new framework to observe his own internal choices that contributed to his complaint. The next time you complain, try to follow it below the surface and see if it leads you to what matters most.

Composure Under Pressure

2009-08-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

In sports, an indispensable key to success is the ability to maintain composure and execute your objectives in the face of intense pressure. I can still hear the surly words of my college lacrosse coach as I’m being surrounded by three aggressive defenders: “Sostrin, composure! You dictate where you’re going, not the other way around!”

This lesson from sports is quite applicable to our experiences in the workplace – particularly in today’s age of rapid change, shrinking resources and increasing demands. Rather than being reactive and letting the onslaught of challenging circumstances dictate our course, we can keep our composure and remain focused on our goals and objectives.

Challenges to our composure are everywhere. Anytime we experience a disagreement or conflict, a clash of personality, external pressures like tight timelines and tight budgets, or anytime someone else makes us the object of their unhappiness, the pressure is on. I would argue that composure is one of the most underrated traits of successful managers and employees and that if we cultivate it intentionally we can improve our success.

When we lose our composure, our attitudes and behaviors recede into a realm of reactionary, often personality driven behaviors. Rather than assertively working toward a solution, our flustered and disjointed actions can inflame the situation and ultimately take more energy than just dealing with the problem directly. Our composure can unravel in the moment when our knee-jerk reactions and self-talk turn negative. Thoughts such as “This hassle is the last thing I need right now…I don’t deserve this aggravation…and I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this right now” are personal reactions that distract from the challenge at hand and may do more to psych us out of proactive action than the issue itself.

If you need it, go ahead and give yourself a minute to sulk and feel like things aren’t fair. But once that minute of indulgence has passed, breathe deep and let it go, accepting the situation as it is for what it is. While some people seem to effortlessly exude cool, calm and collected attitudes, others need to work a little harder on it. Either way, consistently maintaining our composure is something we can all do. The following tips will help you step up when it’s crunch time crunch:

- Give yourself a minute to vent and collect yourself;
- Assess the situation objectively and don’t let your own or someone else’s personal reaction cloud things;
- Gather all relevant information to understand the issue;
- Look at the deeper root cause of the problem and don’t get distracted by emotional interpretations of it; and
- Lead by example and take simple, focused action on what can be influenced.

You can tell you are composed when you breathe easily, remain centered and acknowledge the pressure and challenge of the moment without adding to it with your own angst. Keeping your composure is not only a key for your own individual success, but by example it can also inspire confidence in others. Imagine what’s possible when we rise to the occasion and keep our composure when the pressure is on.

July Blog Feature - OD Practitioner Journal

2009-07-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

Jesse Sostrin just published his article "A Conceptual Framework of Barriers to Workplace Learning and Performance" in the OD Practitioner Journal vol. 41 No. 3.

To read the full piece anytime this month, send a comment and request a PDF. Here is an excerpt:

“Considering the changing nature of work and the mandate for continuous learning and performance,it is no longer an option to endure barriers. A new system for accurately identifying and broadly addressing barriers to workplace learning and performance is required.”

Introduction

The workplace has changed dramatically over the last 50 years. This evolution is marked by significant and wide-sweeping trends, including accelerating technology,
increased global competition and movement toward a service-driven economy. Collectively, these and many other imposing changes require a new approach to defining and measuring the effectiveness and overall success of not only individual productivity at work, but also our collective human capital—I call it continuous workplace learning and performance. I define continuous workplace learning and performance as the consistent acquisition and application of the attitudes, values, knowledge, skills and abilities required to successfully fulfill specific job functions that are consistent with the organization’s desired business outcomes.

Moving beyond this technical definition,continuous learning and performance is a recognition that each day in the workplace presents the critical choice to innovate or decline and to learn or lapse. Developing a discipline of continuous workplace learning and performance is not only the competitive advantage of the 21st century—it is a matter of survival for individuals,teams, and organizations competing
in the modern workplace.

Unfortunately, barriers to continuous workplace learning and performance are everywhere, all the time. Some barriers subtly impact everyday communication and decision-making, while others are more systemic and have adverse impacts on things like workforce selection and retention. Regardless of the nature and impact of specific barriers, they undermine our ability to learn and perform. In many cases barriers are often sustained in the workplace because they are elusive and difficult to address. Considering the changing nature of work and the mandate for continuous learning and performance,it is no longer an option to endure barriers. A new system for accurately identifying and broadly addressing barriers to workplace learning and performance is required.

For Organization Development (OD)practitioners and their clients, acknowledging the presence of barriers is not a novel concept. The premise of most OD interventions in fact is to either react to or proactively intervene against some kind of barrier. However, the ability to successfully resolve issues related to barriers relies exclusively on our ability to accurately identify the barrier and its root causes, as well as its interdependent parts. The fact is, each year billions of dollars are spent on training and development programs,expensive consultants and change initiatives within organizations of all types. For organizations and their leaders to fully maximize these types of investments it is critical to accurately identify the specific barriers to learning and performance experienced by both individuals and teams in the workplace.

After working as an OD practitioner for more than 10 years, I became increasingly frustrated by the lack of a comprehensive model that could help identify and provide context to the many recurring barriers experienced by clients across industries. From a practical standpoint, I was also concerned by the lack of a reliable assessment tool that could help to effectively “connect the dots” and identify the intertwined, systemic barriers experienced by my clients. In time, I resolved to channel my frustrations into academic research that could potentially add benefit to both scholars and practitioners working in the field of OD. The specific goal of my research was to identify and organize a wide range of barriers to workplace learning and performance into a conceptual framework that illuminates this phenomenon in the context of the changing demands of today’s work environment. This article presents a summary of my research, including a description of the model and a discussion concerning implications for OD practitioners.

“What’s Your Emotional Bottom Line?”

2009-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

In business we pay attention to the bottom line as a measure of net income and as an indicator of the health and potential of an enterprise. But in our own lives, what helps us gauge our current health and potential for success? Our emotional bottom line can be an enlightening interpersonal benchmark of what’s working and what’s not working for us.

An emotional bottom line is the difference between what you need and what you are getting. A healthy emotional bottom line means that in general you are getting your needs satisfied more often than not. For example, if a person has an expressed need to feel challenged in their position at work, a healthy emotional bottom line would indicate that in general they enjoy a sense of challenge on most days at work. This can be measured by identifying and reflecting on his or her various roles and responsibilities and documenting what aspects provide reasonable degrees of challenge.

Similar to a businesses’ bottom line, our emotional bottom line can help us to be reflective about a given situation to determine whether or not we need to address any gaps. While working with a client recently, I had the opportunity to help them articulate their emotional bottom line related to a contentious issue in the workplace. My client explained that she had repeatedly felt “shut out” and “undermined” by a dominating colleague. During meetings, she was unable to present her own ideas without fear of being interrupted or sidetracked. This led to anxiety and an ever-present, underlying sense of worry. I asked the client what she needed in this situation. She explained that she desired mutual respect with her colleague and wanted the freedom to express ideas on her own terms, without fear of sabotage. When asked where her emotional bottom line was right now, she explained that in general, most days left her feeling frustrated and unable to meet her needs.

As we probed on the related issues more deeply, the realization of an unhealthy bottom line helped the client to assess how important these emotional and psychological needs were, what negative effects their absence were having on her life inside and outside of the workplace and, most importantly, what assertive action she was willing to commit to in order to improve her emotional bottom line related to these particular needs.

Walking yourself through this type of reflective exercise to measure your own emotional bottom line can add a lot of value at both a personal or team level. It helps to put something very subjective into a more objective framework, making it easier to talk about difficult interpersonal issues. The New Year is often a time to create resolutions for future changes in our lives. Rather than updating our 2006 New Year’s resolution lists for 2007, imagine what’s possible if we took an honest look out our emotional bottom lines?

"Paradise Found: Dealing With Noisy Vacation Rentals Next Door"

2009-06-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

A friend who lives next to a vacation rental asked me for some advice in dealing with difficult, short-term neighbors. I shared this with him - perhaps it can help you or someone you know.

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When you love where you live, it can feel like paradise has been found. Unfortunately for some neighbors and residents, it feels like paradise lost when the peace, quite and continuity of daily life are interrupted by the commotion from nearby vacation rental properties. The central coast has been, and hopefully always will be, an attractive destination for visitors. This means local residents need constructive strategies to successfully address concerns that may arise from the numerous vacation rentals in our area.

The dynamic between locals and visitors is a classic example of converging expectations that couldn’t be more diverse. Local residents tend to value the ownership and pride they have in their community. They have come to expect their neighborhoods and communities to look and feel a certain way, including the pace of daily life and the peace and quiet that small communities enjoy. Vacationers on the other hand - while seeking some rest and relaxation - are looking for a break from their day-to-day routines. They are more likely to stay up late, listen to music and enjoy outdoor barbecues and social events as they make full use of the their (expensive) rental house. Neither local residents nor vacationers are necessarily more or less justified in their expectations than the other. However, when there is a clash of expectations hurtful conflict can erupt.

Whether it is a concern about yard maintenance, property lines, or traffic safety, part of the solution lies in forming collaborative relationships with property management companies who are responsible for enforcing rules. These property management companies are accountable to the property owners for generating rental income and keeping the units intact. In addition, proactive communication with the actual renters and home owners can give you the opportunity to air out concerns. If you are struggling with these issues, the following tips may help you navigate your way through the conflict:

Remember Things Aren’t Personal – Imagine a typical vacationer; they can’t wait to truly get away for the weekend with a few close family friends at a beach house. They’re ready to get some much needed rest and relaxation as they pick up their favorite meat and plan a BBQ out on the deck for the entire group, including some time in the hot tub on the deck! The property manager made it clear that dogs are not allowed inside the home so they set up an area in the backyard for their three dogs…If you are the next door neighbor who is bothered by the noise and the constant commotion; it’s helpful to remember that the vacationers are doing exactly what vacationers do. They are not necessarily intending to keep you up late or to disrupt the neighborhood.

Take Initiative to Talk to Your Neighbors (Vacation Renters and Home Owners) – While it can feel really stressful, the cost of living with unresolved conflict can hurt more than the challenge of addressing the issue head on. If you experience concerns of any kind, make an effort to talk to your neighbors, the home owner or the property management company directly. Use the following roadmap as a guide:

1. First, agree to have a conversation to explore the issues, assumptions, feelings and potential next steps.

2. Next, take time to clarify the situation to get both perspectives squarely out in the open. Try to focus attention on identifying the substantial issues and then break those down into separate pieces (remember, be hard on the problem and easy on the people).

3. For each issue, generate options that can potentially satisfy the underlying needs of both people.

4. As agreements begin to form, commit to a resolution and discuss how the solution can be implemented successfully.

"Playing Nice" - Another Pattern That Sustains Barriers

2009-06-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Last week I reviewed a pattern of thought and behavior that can really hurt a team's ability to perform at optimal levels. Here is another team dysfunction that I see play out across industries. I call it "Playing Nice," and here's how the cycle goes:

A) The team establishes a non-hierarchical (flat) mode of decision-making where everyone feels welcome to speak their mind and voice their opinions;

B) Maintaining this apparent harmony becomes an unwritten goal of the group;

C) As barriers or issues emerge within the team, the team makes no room for making waves when unpopular choices might be required to fix things;

D) As a result, accountability for addressing problems decreases and team members do not have an outlet for their concerns;

E) Over time, the implicit rule of “playing nice” outweighs incentives to address barriers and the dysfunctional pattern is sustained...

This pattern of "playing nice" can easily erode confidence in and capacity for learning and performance. A way to avoid this is to separate the person from the problem and when issues arise - attack the problem, but not the person. This can preserve a respectful tone in the group, but not at the expense of having tough conversations that lead to better decisions.

Patterns That Sustain Barriers to Learning & Performance

2009-06-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

Pain is Changeful

2009-06-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

Riddle: What is really good for us, feels really bad for us, is something that we avoid and yet is something that’s ultimately unavoidable? Change.

Despite our valiant efforts to fend it off with repetitive behavioral routines and comfortable patterns of thinking, change is all around us and is a natural part of life. While it’s true that change can sometimes be really painful, it is also true that pain is changeful. This is more than a distinction without a difference - so if you are confused, stick with me.

More than just a clever way to reframe a problem or negative experience, looking at pain as a source of positive change is an efficient and practical choice. Pain from change can come in many forms, including: frustration over unmet expectations, disappointment over lost opportunities and grief from broken relationships to name a few. Rather than seeing these painful experiences as a nuisance or something to “get past”, why not embrace them as a vehicle to accelerate the change we experience?

The following tips may help you find the focus and sustain the motivation to stick with the pain and use it as a catalyst to change:

1) Keep Perspective – It is critically important to keep things in perspective so that we can process our experiences accordingly. A frustrating experience may feel like a “mountain”, but if we capture a wider vantage point when the initial sting subsides, we may actually recognize it as just a “small hill”. Keeping perspective will reduce wasted energy and potential over-reactions.

2) Find The Teachable Moment – If pain is truly going to be changeful, we have to find the teachable moment. Maybe the lesson is about our own misguided efforts, perhaps we didn’t listen enough or perhaps we didn’t stand up for what we knew was right. Either way, the important thing is to capture the lesson and fully integrate into our experience for next time.

3) If I Feel Something, They Feel Something – If your pain stems from some kind of relationship concern, chances are just like you feel something, the other person involved also feels something. This recognition can be a humanizing force and it is an important reminder that if we get out of our own shoes, we’re likely to be less attached to our own emotional pain as we empathize and connect with others.

The next time you feel pain or discomfort, think changefully and use the experience for your own growth and development.

The Wisdom of Being Here Before

2009-06-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

“We miss an opportunity for future
success when we fail to learn from
past experience.”

Within business circles we don’t talk about wisdom as much as we should in the context of building and maintaining successful organizations. Complex thought processes, decision-making and interpersonal relationships are recurring cycles at the heart of every business venture, and wisdom is an asset that leaders can use to accelerate informed decision-making and cohesion around personnel, operational and strategic issues.

As a leader who is always looking for insight to help me be more effective in my work, I have encountered a very powerful tool that we all have equal access to – I call it “The Wisdom of Being Here Before”. I define wisdom as ‘the intersection of our intuitive understanding of people and things and the ability to aptly apply that understanding to real experience’. “The Wisdom of Being Here Before” (WBHB) is a special understanding that can be uniquely applied to business situations that recur repeatedly.

There are a lot of things that leaders know; in fact, there are billions of pieces of information and bits of data that are available at the touch of a mouse. However, wisdom is different than information and in my experience it comes from the teachable moments of the natural business life-cycle. The cycle of business inevitably brings us back to similar, sometimes identical, situations that we have encountered in the past. For example, an economic downturn decreases the attractiveness of R&D expenditures. The loss of these endeavors can significantly hinder the development of new, revenue-generating products and services that can help solve the current economic problem. The considerations and ultimate decision around how to proceed with R&D projects is a cyclical business cycle that comes and goes as the external economic environment ebbs and flows.

As another example, one of the most important, and often frustrating, components of business is recruiting, selecting and managing a successful workforce. Yet the pitfalls inherent in the HR experience can create a repetitive cycle of turnover that hinders morale, drains earning potential and bogs down organizational success

Unfortunately many people interpret these recurring cycles as failures (i.e. I thought we solved that problem last year!). This negative interpretation can be a source of frustration and hopelessness because it emphasizes the external cycle of business that is out of our control. Another much more productive interpretation of the recurring cycle is that we recognize the opportunity to approach a familiar problem or challenge with the strength of our prior experience that makes us stronger and more focused on what matters most.

For many leaders, in our rush to accomplish things we actually lose efficiency by not fully integrating the WBHB. This highlights the importance of maintaining the mindset of a learner. Leaders who understand the importance of keeping an open, developmental attitude are able to ask questions in real time such as: What is this circumstance teaching us? How can that be applied to future situations? When that future situation arises, these leaders are able to draw upon their intuitive understanding of people and things and then apply that understanding to their real, present experience, thus avoiding the negative interpretation.

As an emerging leader, I did not understand the WBHB. When a cycle of business would return me to familiar ground, I was often frustrated; more interested in blaming myself for the need to “repeat” something that should have already been completed. As an established leader, I now see the WBHB as an invaluable asset to draw upon when confronted with a tough, but familiar decision. I see it as both a reminder that things always remain in flux and ultimately, start again – and at the same time I can bring my experience, deep insight, confidence and wisdom to each new beginning.

The next time you find yourself re-doing a marketing campaign or getting bogged down with all-too-familiar HR issues, imagine what is possible if you fully integrate the WBHB.

Avoid Change Fatigue

2009-05-26T11:18:00.001-07:00

This week’s blog post marks the last in a four-part series – Breaking Barriers (In) Real-Time. Each week in May I will be exploring popular examples of emergent issues in business and popular culture. These issues will be analyzed through my Breaking Barriers system of professional development. I hope that the insights gleaned from these everyday examples will provide accessible, constructive support for you as you navigate similar challenges.

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One of the most common barriers I see in today’s organization is Change Fatigue. Government is not immune either and nowhere is this barrier more prevalent than in the Administration of President Obama. With an onslaught of complex issues, including both domestic and international crises, each day the challenges for the Administration grow and I would argue the capacity to deliver diminishes accordingly.

In essence, change fatigue occurs when an individual or team experiences too many convergent changes over a short period of time. These often tumultuous times can lead to a number of debilitating issues. Three of the most prominent outcomes from change fatigue include: 1) information overload; 2) decrease in quality of work and overall performance; and 3) resistance to future changes that may be necessary. In less elegant terms, change fatigue can be summed up like this: when everything happens at once, nothing works well.

I have no inside view of the inner workings of the White House, however, I see the adverse impacts and the onset of change fatigue occurring as we speak. The messages and promises from the campaign are eroding, priorities seem to be jumbled as goals and initiatives are convoluted and key staffers seem to be making more uncharacteristic mistakes (See the first post in this series for more on this).

If you or your team is in the midst of rapid change, the following tips could help to alleviate the burden and avoid change fatigue:

- Make sure the change is essential. Optional changes should be put on hold in order to avoid adding unnecessary elements to the mix.

- When implementing change, provide your people with full context for why the changes are needed. This will create association with the mandate for change, as well as personal connection with the need for and upside of the expected results.

- Always provide follow-up and on-going support to key team members so that the change effort remains vital, connected and achievable.

Following these three tips will help the team embrace change and keep morale at optimal levels.

Doing Less With Less

2009-05-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

This week’s blog post marks the third in a new four-part series – Breaking Barriers (In) Real-Time. Each week in May I will be exploring popular examples of emergent issues in business and popular culture. These issues will be analyzed through my Breaking Barriers system of professional development. I hope that the insights gleaned from these everyday examples will provide accessible, constructive support for you as you navigate similar challenges.

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Lately, the business world is resounding with axiomatic, hyperbolistic statements about the need to do more with less. The disconcerting refrain goes something like this: “We’re laying off half of our workforce, those who remain will just have to do more with less.” Unfortunately, these positive reframes on staff reduction are turning into bragging rights. The other day I heard a manager say that she is now doing the work of three people! Really?

I’ll be the first to say that the downturn is requiring more from everyone, however, in most cases people are simply doing less with less. It is a myth to think that one can flip a switch and double or triple their capacity overnight. While the fat trimming does create more capacity, it is not at the level required by most cutbacks. So what does this mean and what should you do? Let’s use process of elimination to get to a reasonable conclusion:

Should we just multitask more?
No, multitasking is not the answer. Although multitasking has been widely recognized as an important skill in today’s fast paced and competitive business environment, new research indicates that multitasking not only results in the loss of time, but it reduces our overall effectiveness and the accuracy of our work. It turns out that the busyness associated with switching back and forth between tasks reduces the valuable self-talk and mental processing time we actually need to make good decisions. Rather than saving us time and money, multitasking can represent as much as a 40% reduction in our overall productivity. That’s not very efficient.

Should we just work more days and longer hours?
No, working harder is not the answer. While there may be some short-term benefit from this extra time, burn out from this tact would further cripple the productivity of the workforce.

Should we re-focus our priorities on the most essential organizational objectives and then set aside the appropriate level of resources required to meet them?
Yes, in my experience, this is the best anecdote to doing less with less. Let’s face it; everything is not created equal in the workplace. One of the most common mistakes managers and leaders make is to treat all outcomes the same. This is often called whitewashing because everything is made to look the same on the surface.

When we treat all goals and outcomes the same, we inadvertently divert our energy and attention away from the most critical priorities. In a challenging business environment, this distraction from essential priorities can be a fatal flaw. The valiant, but miserable attempts to do “more with less” risks leaving the more difficult challenges left undone. This requires us to be brutally honest about what matters most and to make hard choices about goals that we may not succeed at initially. All of us, especially managers and leaders, must distinguish good successes from okay successes in order to instill “top of mind focus” on the most essential priorities. When we do this, we’ll stop whitewashing and the true colors of our goals and objectives will shine through.

Organizational Success-Handicapping

2009-05-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

This week’s blog post marks the second in a new four-part series – Breaking Barriers (In) Real-Time. Each week in May I will be exploring popular examples of emergent issues in business and popular culture. These issues will be analyzed through my Breaking Barriers system of professional development. I hope that the insights gleaned from these everyday examples will provide accessible, constructive support for you as you navigate similar challenges.

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Even if you are not a closet astrophysicist, you have most likely been impacted by the Hubble Space Telescope. Since its launch in 1990, the stunning images of distant stars and galaxies returned by Hubble have shown up in movies, websites and even popular art. A slew of scientific discoveries and affirmations have resulted from the work of this school bus-size instrument. Yesterday the most expensive repair team launched into space to give Hubble “a hug” as one astronaut put it. They are changing out computers, updated hardware and increasing its capacity to deliver even better results. This is the last repair mission and the Hubble will go offline on or around 2014 so that a next generation telescope can get its moment in the sun.

What? One of the most productive instruments NASA has launched will be relegated to the space junk scrap heap while it is still going strong? Okay, major disclaimer here: I am a doctor, but not the kind that is qualified to comment on the science and political inner-game at work here. That being said, in this scenario I see an all-too familiar organizational performance barrier that must be discussed. I call this barrier organizational-success handicapping. I describe this barrier as strategic and operational behavior that creates or attracts obstacles that limit success.

In essence, NASA is abandoning a relatively cheap, productive and reliable first-generation instrument for the promise of something more expensive, hopefully just as productive - and uncertainly reliable – next generation telescope. But why? It is not because the scientific community and the world of amateur star gazers have tired of the breathtaking Hubble pictures. I argue that it is part of a culture that needs such a strong justification for failure (in order to maintain credibility for political and budgetary reasons) that at times they inadvertently induce that failure.

This is similar to the opposite of a sunk-cost fallacy. A sunk-cost fallacy occurs when someone has put so much time, energy and resources into a failing project that they refuse to call it quits – even when they know it will never succeed. On the flip-side, NASA’s barrier of organizational-success handicapping follows a pattern of building road blocks when there are none to be found. This barrier is especially problematic because it creates a nexus of other performance issues and reduces efficiency and capacity for leveraging successes that do occur. For the sake of everyone, let’s hope that there are people working to change the culture so that this form of handicapping does not erode the runaway success of missions like Hubble in the future.

Inside Blinders

2009-05-04T09:19:00.001-07:00

This week’s blog post marks the first in a new four-part series – Breaking Barriers (In) Real-Time. Each week in May I will be exploring popular examples of emergent issues in business and popular culture. These issues will be analyzed through my Breaking Barriers system of professional development. I hope that the insights gleaned from these everyday examples will provide accessible, constructive support for you as you navigate similar challenges.

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Last week Vice President Joe Biden found himself embroiled in another gaffe; this time regarding his supposed personal advice to family members on how to avoid exposure to swine flu. Slightly led into the off-message comments by the interviewer, Vice President Biden seemed to relish the chance to speak for the crisis. While many in the media immediately dismissed the comment as “Joe being Joe,” I recognized a barrier to learning and performance that played a role in his collapse. I refer to this barrier as Inside Blinders and it means that you narrowly see yourself as you want to, not as others do.

As I watched the interview, to me there was a visible instant of choice - the split second in which Mr. Biden made a decision to share the hard truth regarding the crisis in an unabashedly honest way. Perhaps this is too generous for a public figure known for not always thinking before he speaks; but my guess is that his calculation included the assessment that keeping things real with the American public would be better than providing stock answers that don’t actually say anything.

While this kind of candor could really work as a refreshing alternative for the constant media drone of safe political statements, in this case it didn’t. For the 25 second unscripted portion of the interview, The Vice President saw himself as a brave truth teller and did not perceive the public’s view of him as the voice of the administration’s policy on the crisis. The Vice President’s inside blinders made it infeasible for him to measure the cost of his candid comments. As a result, he was not only off the political message and inconsistent with the administration’s health advisory, he appeared naïve and over-reaching about the nature of the threat.

The negative impact of these Inside Blinders does not to suggest that a person should operate exclusively at the whim of others’ perceptions. However, if we can learn to shape our attitudes, behaviors and choices with respect to a balance between how we see ourselves and how other people view us, our calculations can produce better net results. My guess is that this won’t be the last time this happens to the Vice President, so stay tuned for an update…

2009-04-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Nat Geo feature, Waking the Baby Mammoth, here is a reprise of a column I published last year.

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Popular legend suggests that elephants instinctively leave their group when they reach an older age and then guide themselves toward a special place known as the Elephant Graveyard. When their journey is done, they die there alone, far away from the group - perhaps so that their passing does not adversely impact the herd or slow them down in any way.

Whether true or not, I think human nature can learn something important from watching this animal instinct in action. There are elephants all around us - at home, at work and throughout our community. Only the DNA of these elephants is formed from the miscommunications, unresolved conflicts, unmet expectations, denials and outbursts we experience in the course of our day-to-day lives.

The old saying “the elephant in the room” describes these often unmentionable issues that are known by most to be present, yet overwhelm or intimidate direct conversation about their nature and influence.

How many aging elephants are lingering in your office, board room or living room? What is stopping you from giving them permission to go away and die so that you can move on, unencumbered by the weight of their memory? The following suggestions are offered here as a resource to address your “elephant in the room”:

Make the undiscussable discussable – Whether the issue is between two or twenty-two people, reduce the stigma of discussing the issue by requesting an open, honest and safe discussion.

Put the elephant in all three dimensions – The proverbial blind men touching different parts of an elephant and all describing something very different is a helpful analogy. Don’t assume that everyone “knows exactly what’s going on here”. Invite people to share their perspective on the issue and don’t judge the way in which perspectives are different concerning the nature and causes of the issue.

Focus everyone on moving forward – Pose a powerful question to start down the path of resolution. Asking “what do we need to do to make peace with this and move on?” will initiate a conversation of possibilities and perhaps forgiveness and peace.

Implementing these three suggestions will be difficult for sure. However, they offer a possible way through the deeply-rooted issues that bog you and others down.

Sorry, But That Was Bad Advice

2009-04-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

I was surprised to read the advice given by a syndicated columnist in yesterday’s newspaper. She was asked for feedback on how to approach an emerging conflict between neighbors. The issue at hand involved intrusive backyard lights that created an uncomfortable glare and disrupted serene, nocturnal hot-tubing. After one attempt to talk about things without a solution, the concerned neighbor asked for help with an emphasis on wanting to avoid escalating the situation. In short the columnist’s advice was to write a formal cease and desist letter and send it by registered mail. And, if that didn’t change things, she should hire an attorney and begin the litigation process. Thanks for coming.

My blog is not designed to give advice directly, but I feel the need to break tradition here and offer some advice to the neighbor who wrote to this syndicated columnist (wherever they are) and to any other people in similar situations who may have read the response. For starters, do not follow that advice.

The registered letter and threat of litigation is the equivalent of snuffing out a candle with a leaf blower. It is an unnecessarily confrontational approach and it is this kind of advisement that often prevents issues like this from being resolved without long-term, negative effects. The adversarial approach that she recommended is shortsighted for the following reasons:

• Registered letters and threats from attorneys invite a volley of tit for tat exchanges that solidify barriers to communication and close the door on reasonable discussion;

• By shifting toward a “win-lose” approach to addressing the issue, common sense is tossed out the window as the focus turns toward proving right and wrong according to CC&Rs, code enforcement issues, HOA rights, etc.; and

• By using external channels to communicate, the person with the most incentive to settle the dispute is made powerless to make those requests directly thus reducing the urgency to settle the matter and the potentially cathartic aspects of conflict resolution.

For individuals experiencing neighbor issues, there are other options to consider that hold more promise for a successful and lasting resolution, including:

• Call your local mediation center. Most communities have one and they offer a wealth of expertise on non-adversarial means of dealing effectively with conflict. They can coach you on an approach or help to convene a mediation session between both sides. San Luis Obispo County residents can contact Creative Mediation at 805-549-0442 or www.creativemediation.net.

• If you want to go it alone, try to speak with the person face to face before sending threatening letters or hiring expensive attorneys. You can use the following steps as a guide for these conversations:

o Invite them to discuss the issues openly
o Vent frustrations and concerns openly, but not in an accusatory manner
o Separate the people from the problem by focusing on issues, not personalities
o Instead of standing firm in positions, focus on the underlying interests
o Brainstorm solutions that can satisfy both sides’ interests
o Agree to a mutual and concrete resolution with clear tasks and timelines

While a proactive approach like this may feel more challenging, it offers the potential to work things out faster, with less stress, and in a manner that strengthens relationships in the long-run. Imagine what’s possible when neighbors mediate more and litigate less.

Three Quick Mediation Tips For Business Owners

2009-04-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today’s current business owner and tomorrow’s entrepreneur alike require a range of critical skills to successfully navigate the challenges of doing business. Often overlooked and undervalued are the soft, people skills that mark the difference between deal-making and deal-breaking. One’s ability to mediate opposing interests and find win-win solutions in the face of conflict is a considerable leverage point that can save time, money and get results.

Here are a few quick tips for the businessperson to remember when opposing viewpoints or agendas need to come together:

Attack the problem, not the person. Remember to be hard on the substance of the dispute but soft on the people. Although emotions may rise, both parties are in the same situation. Step back, separate the person from the problem and make a good faith attempt to put energy into solutions vs. blaming.

Reframe for easier understanding. The way you speak your mind is often more important than what you say. To hear and be heard, use open language that expresses the simple points. Avoid comments embellished with condescending jargon, personal attacks or negative tones.

Find ways to create more value. It is easy to focus on a ‘fixed-pie’, or a finite set of value when competing. Try to expand the pie by understanding deeper interests that could lead to other possible points of agreement.

NEGOTIATION 101

2009-04-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Last weekend a colleague asked for some tips on negotiation so I thought I would share a few tips with my readers. These are general concepts, so connect with me if you have a specific situation that you have difficulty applying them to. In the meantime, check out my "Breaking Barriers" podcast updates on iTunes!

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Negotiation is a reflection of the dynamic world in which we live and it plays a significant role in our day-to-day lives. If we look at the world as a melting pot where differing needs, perspectives and desires constantly crash into each other, then negotiation - in some form or another - is the primary process of addressing these differences. A child’s bedtime or curfew, what movie the group will see, where the family will take a vacation, and how a business strategy will be designed and implemented are just a few simple examples of the everyday negotiation that we do.

Considering the fact that we are all negotiators all of the time, why isn’t there more attention paid to the knowledge and skill required to do it well? I am often asked for insights on successful negotiation and in response to those requests, this column features a summary of the guiding ideas that have helped me in my personal negotiations as well as the professional negotiations I have been a part of.

Negotiate Interests – Our interests explain the underlying reasons why we want things. Rather than trying to negotiate hard and immobile positions (i.e. “Your curfew is going to be 10:00 pm!”), discuss interests which can often be met in multiple ways (i.e. “I’m concerned that you will not get enough rest in order to be productive at school and soccer, so a 10:00 pm bedtime seems like it would give you ample sleep.”)

Be Hard On The Problem And Soft On The People – The first step toward successful negotiation is to frame differences as mutual problems to be solved. Getting both people in a more objective mindset can give you the opportunity to be hard on tackling the problem, but in a way that doesn’t personalize disagreements and reduce communication and goodwill.

Know What Matters To You – Some say that preparation is the most important part of any negotiation. It is vital that you know what your ‘walk away outcome’ really is. Often called a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), this bottom line helps you set a parameter about what will work for you. If you are unable to reach a negotiated settlement that is as good as or better than your BATNA, then you walk away.

Spend Time Understanding Their Perspective – Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to speak. Effective listening involves setting aside your own thoughts, defenses and judgments long enough to truly get inside their thinking about the problem. Understanding their interests is a key to generating options and solutions and when negotiations fail, it is often because the underlying interests and perspectives of both sides were not fully explored, understood and integrated into the discussion.

Break Issues Down Into Smaller Pieces – In complicated situations, getting stuck can hurt momentum and challenge the will of even the most optimistic negotiators. If you find yourself stuck at impasse, try breaking down issues into smaller pieces and addressing them one at a time, starting with the simpler ones. This may jumpstart a bigger breakthrough from an incremental level.

Validate The Other Sides’ Concerns – Problem solving often can’t occur until people have thoroughly expressed the impact of their experiences. We can accelerate the problem-solving phase of negotiation by earnestly acknowledging and validating the other sides’ concerns. This is not the same as agreeing with them, it simply helps them disarm their need to hold tight to past reactions and shift their thinking to future possibilities.

Seek Solutions That Will Satisfy Their Issues, As Well As Your Own – After the concerns of both sides have been fully understood and the underlying interests have been surfaced and put squarely on the table – it is time generate options and solutions. As proposals turn into potential areas of agreement, test them by asking if it satisfies both sides’ interests. Only mutually satisfying outcomes have the potential for durable agreement.

Not Enough Gas In The Tank

2009-03-30T08:12:00.001-07:00

Have you ever tried to start something new – going back to school, launching a business or starting a new project at work – only to discover shortly after beginning the effort that you did not have enough time, energy or skills to make it work?

Too often we find ourselves in a situation of inevitable failure. These false starts can wreak havoc on our confidence and diminish future possibilities. Often the problem is that we simply don’t have enough gas in the tank.

David McClusky called this “Insufficient Margin” and it happens when a person experiences more demands than they have energy and resources to match them. For example, if you have career, family and social responsibilities, as well as financial concerns and other day-to-day challenges, then you need to have an equivalent set of resources such as time, money, motivation and support from others to meet them.

When the pressures we face outweigh the resources we have to meet them, we might not have enough gas in the tank to take on something new. Before you take on the next exciting challenge, take an honest assessment of what’s on your plate and make sure you have the available skills, resources and motivation to match them.

Start Thinking Like A Mediator

2009-03-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

Imagine, two sisters are bitterly arguing over a single orange, both claiming it is theirs alone. After intense bickering, their Mom enters the room determined to end the dispute and regain peace and calm in the house. She snatches the orange, takes a knife, and proceeds to cut it down the middle, giving half to one sister and half to the other. Following a stern reminder to keep quiet, Mom retreats back to her room leaving both of the sisters to pick up where they left off.

Problem solved? Not exactly, because the story doesn’t end there…

Before we see what comes of these two sisters and the controversial orange, think about a recent conflict you’ve been involved in. We’ve all been there – the point where communication breaks down, walls come up, and we spend more time blaming others for our problems than focusing on potential solutions.

Unfortunately, conflict can also be an expensive and damaging force that destroys even the best relationships and significantly reduces our overall effectiveness. Take a minute right now and consider the costs of unresolved conflict at work, at home and in your personal life. Some of the negative outcomes you’ve experienced may include: physical and emotional stress, reduced productivity, even safety concerns or expensive legal fees. In addition to these negative outcomes, the emotional wake that trails us when we are caught up in a conflict can put a wedge in our relationships and prevent us from being at our best.

Each of us could significantly reduce or eliminate these negative consequences if we began to “start thinking like a mediator”. Thinking like a mediator begins with an attitude shift, where conflict is seen not as a problem to be avoided, but as an opportunity to improve relationships and get more of what we want and need. Thinking like a mediator means you focus on future possibilities, not past mistakes.

How can you start thinking like a mediator? Consider the story of ‘The Orange and the Sisters’ again, which captures a simple lesson about what’s at the heart of conflict. We left off with Mom splitting the orange down the middle. One sister proceeds to juice her half of the orange and throw the peel in the trash. The other sister scoops out the fruit and throws it in the trash, then takes the zest from the peel and uses it to make a cake.

In this situation, if Mom had thought like a mediator she would have been able to help each of the sisters explain what they wanted, why it was important to them and what type of potential resolution they could both live with. Although each sister’s position was mutually exclusive (It’s my orange, you can’t have it), their underlying interests were much more compatible (I want the fruit; I just want the peel). If Mom thought like a mediator, she could have helped each sister achieve 100% of what they wanted, rather than 50%.

This story offers a simple analogy regarding the importance of understanding what’s going on below the surface of a conflict and it can be applied to any disagreement, large or small. The next time you find yourself feeling stuck in the middle of a conflict, remember the moral of the story and try to follow this roadmap to a successful resolution:

1) First, agree to have a conversation to explore the issues, assumptions and feelings involved. Relationships are built one conversation at a time. By agreeing to sit down and talk things out, you have the opportunity to chart a new course and a better direction for that relationship.

2) Next, take time to clarify the situation to get both perspectives squarely out in the open. It is important to acknowledge the impact of the conflict, then model new ways to make amends. Try to focus attention on identifying the substantial issues and then break those down into separate pieces. Remember; be hard on the problem and easy on the people.

3) As issues surface, generate options that can potentially satisfy the underlying needs of both people. You don’t always have to have something brilliant to propose; just start getting supportive ideas on the table.

4) And finally, as agreements begin to form, commit to a resolution and discuss how the solution can be implemented quickly and effectively.

This road map can take you from avoiding problems to achieving solutions. Imagine what’s possible if we all started thinking like mediators!

Whitewashing

2009-03-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

Change Your Routine

2009-03-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

If you’ve ever tried to break a habit at work or in your personal life, then you know how difficult it can be to get out of a pattern and start a new routine. Despite this difficulty, there are some routines that are worth changing. In prior posts I have written about ways in which we sometimes project outward attitudes that are then contradicted by our behaviors. In this vein, defensive routines are important habits to examine.

As Chris Argyris defines them, defensive routines are like mixed-messages, which over time blind people to their contradictory nature. Over time, we accept these mixed messages as simple truth. This welcomed conundrum is a sort of double-bind, which is maintained as a means of preventing embarrassment, avoiding a perceived threat or awkward situation, maintaining the status quo and avoiding unwanted change. As these messages are institutionalized over time, they can take on the force of a cultural taboo, making an honest dialogue about them off limits.

It is important to note that these defensive routines represent dynamic and complicated behaviors and require a certain level of what Chris Argyris calls "skilled incompetence”. Essentially, even though one individual may know that another person is also aware of an issue that is a problem of mutual concern, they both choose to act as though neither of the parties knows anything. They both may do this in a skilled manner in order to perpetuate a believable cover-up. The very attitudes and behaviors that support these cover-ups are an example of a defensive routine and over time they serve to prevent the learning that is necessary to bring about both individual and organizational changes for improvement. If you think you are experiencing a defensive routine, answer these four questions to see what is happening at a deeper level.

1. Are you or others sending a message that is inconsistent?
2. Are you or others acting as if the message is not inconsistent?
3. Are you or others in any way making this inconsistency undiscussable?
4. And, are you or others making the pretense that there is no inconsistency, or that it is discussable?

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, perhaps you are in the midst of a defensive routine. If you discover the presence of a defensive routine, it is critical to fully understand what it is and then devise a way to address it. No individual, team or organization is immune to developing defensive routines and it is important not to let responses to them include simple quick fixes or band-aid solutions. As a way to avoid developing or sustaining such routines, individuals can begin to practice more open communication by making it acceptable to freely and respectfully question interpersonal dynamics or business practices.

Once an environment of openness is established, there is an activity that can promote discussion about the nature of the defensive routine. Often called the “left-hand/right-hand column”, individuals focus on the identified problem, and then use a blank page to reveal things that they say and things that they think about the issue. After writing a brief description of the defensive routine as they see it, they begin in the right-hand column where they write down exactly what they have said about the situation. Then, in the left-hand column, they write down things that they think but do not say or act upon. The following questions can be discussed in order to contrast the difference between the two columns:

1. What factors have led me to think and feel this way?
2. What was my intention and what was I really hoping to accomplish?
3. How might my comments have contributed to the difficulties?
4. Why didn't I say or act upon what was in my left-hand column?
5. What assumptions might I be making about the other person or people involved?
6. What are the costs of operating this way? What are the payoffs?
7. How can I use my left-hand column to improve my communication and behavior on this issue?

Although it can take time and energy, identifying and addressing these defensive routines can accelerate the learning process and help us achieve our goals more consistently. Imagine what’s possible when we drop our defensive routines and take risks to learn the very things that can help us discover new kinds of success.

What’s Your Formula For Success?

2009-03-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

For many people, the reasons behind our success or failure in managing the day-to-day demands of life feel mysterious and difficult to understand. Not only are there the everyday challenges to contend with, but often we experience emergencies that require additional energy to address. When you take these demands and consider the added dimension of our goals and aspirations for the future, it can feel overwhelming to find a path forward.

When coaching a person or consulting with an organization that is having a hard time meeting the on-going demands of their circumstances, I invite them to make an honest assessment of their formula for success. Borrowing from the psychologist and researcher Howard McClusky’s theory of margin, we can identify the fundamental variables that influence their success. If they are not achieving at the level they want, the simple formula indicates what changes could be made to improve results and create greater satisfaction.

The formula looks something like this: LOAD/POWER = MARGIN. Load represents the total internal self and external social demands that must be met in the course of living (i.e. family and career obligations as well as goals and personal expectations, etc.). Power is equivalent to the resources we have at our disposal to meet those demands (i.e. financial resources, time, supportive relationships, accumulated skills, resiliency, etc.). Margin is the excess of power at our disposal that can be utilized to meet both expected and unexpected challenges that arise.

Obviously, a person with a high margin of excess power is in a better position to successfully adjust to emergencies that arise, as well as to apply their surplus power to new areas of growth and development. When a person or organization’s load is much greater than the available reserve of power, the inverse margin can create tremendous stress and limited success. The question becomes how can we increase our power or decrease our load so that our margin for success grows?

After taking an inventory of all the factors pertaining to their load and power, I then ask the client to create a start doing and stop doing list. This list becomes a guide for selectively reducing the load factors and intentionally surrounding them with power factors to get their margin into better balance. The conversation could go something like this:

Client: I have way too much on my plate right now to be successful at the things that matter most!

Coach: Okay, let’s take a look at everything on your plate and prioritize your commitment to these things. This will give you the chance to let go of responsibilities that are negotiable.

Client: Okay, as much as I would like to hold on to this, I guess I need to let go of activity x.

Coach: Good, now that you’ve looked at the LOAD factors, let’s look at ways to shore up resources and increase your POWER. What available or easily acquired resources could we add to help you in your everyday experiences?

Client: I never ask my colleagues for advice and they are much more experienced than me. Also, I forget that I have paid time off that I never take – maybe I should give myself some down time between big projects.

Coach: Great, what else?

As this conversation progresses, ideally the MARGIN gets into a better balance and the client is now aware of a tool they can use to identify and improve their formula for success. Imagine what’s possible when you adjust your formula for greater success.

In Tough Times...Recover Your Balance - Revisited

2009-02-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

Some of my readers inquired about resources for regaining balance during tough times. Here is an encore post from 2007 - 2008. I'll bring new resources into the mix next week.

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Show of hands, who’s feeling a bit squeezed by the challenge and uncertainty of the times? Based on what I hear in business and around the community, “a bit squeezed” is putting it mildly. In fact, many of us are feeling downright crushed by the pressure and concern over the shrinking economy, widespread environmental catastrophes and political instability. How can we still work and live at our best in these tough times? Recover our balance!

It’s a conundrum that many of us face in trying circumstances. When things are difficult and risky, we naturally want to make the right decision and take the right course of action because the margin for error is narrow. In other words, if we don’t get it right, we could really get it wrong. In many ways this “black and white” thinking creates an impossible expectation.

Finding the “right” answer is a tricky proposition in tough times because circumstances tend to be ambiguous and constantly changing. These swirling conditions are often immune to our logic, making our search for the “right” decision or action very difficult. Although we desperately desire the sure thing and a successful outcome, our modern world is sometimes too unpredictable to define in this way.

We can do ourselves a favor by reframing our pursuit of the “right choice” to the search for the “best choice”. The best choice is not about perfection; rather it is about finding the most reasonable path forward in a given situation based on what you know at a given point in time.

The key to finding the “best choice” in a fast-changing world is balance. Finding our balance is walking the tightrope of life, acknowledging that the only certain thing is uncertainty. To help you thrive in the uncertainty and move past the “black or white” and “right or wrong” kind of thinking, consider the following pairs of opposites. Because they exist on a continuum, they can remind us that in order to find our balance it’s not one or the other, but somewhere in between:

Microscopes and Telescopes – Think small and focus on the details while visioning big and thinking long-term.
Rudders and Sails – Take calculated and careful direction while allowing passion and wide ideas to flow.
Caring for Yourself and Helping Others – Make sure your own needs are met while giving support to others.
Hard Work and Lucky Breaks – Put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen while hoping for fortunate timing.

Although it can be confusing to live in the ambiguity, the search for balance along the continuum will help you navigate the grey areas in light of your deeper priorities. Choosing an absolute or polar opposite only serves to limit the important insight from the other end of the spectrum. However, if we are able to consider both opposite ends simultaneously, we can find a unique place on the continuum that blends them both. By continually asking the questions “where am I and where do I want to be” in time we can get clear about what matters most.

The next time you feel off balance and need to make a difficult decision, let go of the desire and pressure to find the one “right answer”. Instead, weigh your continuum of ideas and choices and settle on a reasonable reconciliation of your options. Imagine what’s possible when we find our balance and confidently move forward with the “best choice” all things considered.

“The Knowing-Doing Gap”

2009-02-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

Understanding of knowledge/skill + motivation to improve – internal/external obstacles = GAP

Some Helpful Negotiation Tips for Tough Conversations

2009-02-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

Last week a long-lost colleague got in touch with me again. He was facing a difficult work situation and wanted some tips on how to negotiate an important job change. I thought that some of what I shared with him may also be beneficial to you as you navigate the more difficult conversations and decisions that come your way.

Negotiation is a reflection of the dynamic world in which we live and it plays a significant role in our day-to-day lives. If we look at the world as a melting pot where differing needs, perspectives and desires constantly crash into each other, then negotiation - in some form or another - is the primary process of addressing these differences. A child’s bedtime or curfew, what movie the group will see, where the family will take a vacation, and how a business strategy will be designed and implemented are just a few simple examples of the everyday negotiation that we do.

Considering the fact that we are all negotiators all of the time, why isn’t there more attention paid to the knowledge and skill required to do it well? I am often asked for insights on successful negotiation and in response to those requests, this column features a summary of the guiding ideas that have helped me in my personal negotiations as well as the professional negotiations I have been a part of.

Negotiate Interests – Our interests explain the underlying reasons why we want things. Rather than trying to negotiate hard and immobile positions (i.e. “Your curfew is going to be 10:00 pm!”), discuss interests which can often be met in multiple ways (i.e. “I’m concerned that you will not get enough rest in order to be productive at school and soccer, so a 10:00 pm bedtime seems like it would give you ample sleep.”)

Be Hard On The Problem And Soft On The People – The first step toward successful negotiation is to frame differences as mutual problems to be solved. Getting both people in a more objective mindset can give you the opportunity to be hard on tackling the problem, but in a way that doesn’t personalize disagreements and reduce communication and goodwill.

Know What Matters To You – Some say that preparation is the most important part of any negotiation. It is vital that you know what your ‘walk away outcome’ really is. Often called a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), this bottom line helps you set a parameter about what will work for you. If you are unable to reach a negotiated settlement that is as good as or better than your BATNA, then you walk away.

Spend Time Understanding Their Perspective – Listening is not simply waiting for your turn to speak. Effective listening involves setting aside your own thoughts, defenses and judgments long enough to truly get inside their thinking about the problem. Understanding their interests is a key to generating options and solutions and when negotiations fail, it is often because the underlying interests and perspectives of both sides were not fully explored, understood and integrated into the discussion.

Break Issues Down Into Smaller Pieces – In complicated situations, getting stuck can hurt momentum and challenge the will of even the most optimistic negotiators. If you find yourself stuck at impasse, try breaking down issues into smaller pieces and addressing them one at a time, starting with the simpler ones. This may jumpstart a bigger breakthrough from an incremental level.

Validate The Other Sides’ Concerns – Problem solving often can’t occur until people have thoroughly expressed the impact of their experiences. We can accelerate the problem-solving phase of negotiation by earnestly acknowledging and validating the other sides’ concerns. This is not the same as agreeing with them, it simply helps them disarm their need to hold tight to past reactions and shift their thinking to future possibilities.

Seek Solutions That Will Satisfy Their Issues, As Well As Your Own – After the concerns of both sides have been fully understood and the underlying interests have been surfaced and put squarely on the table – it is time generate options and solutions. As proposals turn into potential areas of agreement, test them by asking if it satisfies both sides’ interests. Only mutually satisfying outcomes have the potential for durable agreement.

"Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow”

2009-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

This is the fourth part in a four-part series designed to give managers and leaders constructive insights to navigate these difficult times. Come back to the blog next Monday for new posts on different themes related to personal and professional development. As always, if the writing supports and inspires you – please share it with friends and colleagues.

Part three described the specific barriers that that managers and leaders need to see right now in order to limit the reach and impact of the current business crisis. Part four will bring this special blog series together in the form of an action plan for immediate progress.

Part Four

In Part One, you made the shift and began to move forward confidently to “Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow.” In part two, we identified the reasons that continuous learning and performance is a matter of survival during these difficult times. We left off in Part Three with a powerful list of some of the more prominent obstacles to continuous learning and performance. So now what?

Now, let's put it all together. If you are going to manage like there will be a tomorrow, you have to plan for it. I've heard it said that the best way to predict the future is to create it. Part four is designed to help you take the first few steps toward creating the future you want. Specifically, we’ll go through a brief, guided facilitation to help you put together a game plan for February – a few key action steps for the Next 20 - 30 Days.

When wrestling with a big goal or challenge, it can help to break it down in smaller pieces. In that spirit, let's take the first step and brainstorm a commitment statement that captures what matters most to you about “Managing Like There Will Be A Tomorrow:”

I Am Committed To: _________________________

Now, write down two or three important objectives for the next month. These can relate to the kind of attitude and motivation you hope to maintain, or they can be specific to addressing some of the barriers to learning and performance we identified in Part Three.

Key Objectives:
1. ______________________________________
2. ______________________________________
3. ______________________________________

Next, for each of these objectives, list the first two action steps that will lead to achieving the objective:

Objective #1 -
Action Step (A): _______________________________
Action Step (B): _______________________________

Now, continue this action planning step for your additional objectives as well. And finally, put some timelines to each of the action steps so that you being to instill some basic accountability and measures of success. Even a basic action plan like this can help you move from great ideas to real changes. There is also something very powerful about putting pen to paper and creating a graphic form of our inner goals and commitments.

Remember, when everything around us falls away, what remains is what is true for us. Our values are the silent, but powerful, guiding forces that shape our experience. Our values are what we must rely on. As you move forward, Managing Like There Will Be A Tomorrow, I encourage you to embrace what is true to you. If people matter most, then put others first. If you want to stretch and grow, then take risks. Follow the path and see where it leads...

Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow”

2009-01-26T08:10:00.000-08:00

This is the third part in a four-part series designed to give managers and leaders constructive insights to navigate these difficult times. Come back to the blog next Monday for the final installment in the series, as well as archives of stimulating content. As always, if the writing supports and inspires you – please share it with friends and colleagues.

Part two described the ways in which managers and leaders can inspire employees to work differently within this period of rapid change and intense competition. Part three will identify some important barriers that can be addressed to improve continuous learning and performance.

Part Three of Four:

We left Part Two of this series making the strong case that the managers, leaders and organizations that understand and promote continuous workplace learning and performance have the best chance at turning the current economic downturn into an opportunity for improved performance and long-term success. Of course, there are many obstacles to continuous learning and performance so now we turn our attention to identifying some of the most common barriers.

It is a very strange thing in life. Often the more ubiquitous something is, the less we seem to notice it. Barriers to workplace learning and performance are everywhere, all the time - yet; these barriers are often hidden in plain sight. The big, ugly ones usually get our attention fast. However, even with these our focus on them is usually reactionary and short-lived. The subtler barriers that quietly disrupt our productivity, diminish our working relationships and make it difficult for us to learn and grow are surprisingly concealed and largely left alone. These are the barriers that managers and leaders need to see right now in order to limit the reach and impact of the current business crisis.

The following list of barriers captures some of the most relevant obstacles that many organizations and their leaders face right now:

- Lack of reflection and learning from past successes and failures
- Too much complacency and not enough urgency
- Learning and change efforts that address only symptoms but not underlying causes of problems
- Inability to let go of past ways of thinking or acting
- Change fatigue and resignation to fail
- Absence of dialogue and fear of raising concerns
- Inability or unwillingness to adapt to fast changing, complex or uncertain environmental conditions
- Clinging to a fixed organizational identity from the past
- Limited expectations about what is possible leading to limited results
- Delaying decision-making and action by getting bogged down with research, information, and analysis
- Not raising questions or exposing uncertainties for fear of being seen as incompetent
- Doing lesser tasks well at the expense of more important priorities

In my forthcoming book, Breaking Barriers: A Survival Guide to Work in the 21st Century, I describe the interrelationships between these barriers and the underlying patterns that often suspend them in place. It is too complicated to delve into on the blog, but suffice it to say there are some very important shifts we must make in order to begin untangling the web of barriers that hold us back. Check back next week for the new post. Part Four will describe some important action steps you can take right now to move past your barriers!

Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow

2009-01-19T14:26:00.000-08:00

This is the second part in a four-part series designed to give managers and leaders constructive insights to navigate these difficult times. Come back to the blog each Monday for future installments in the series, as well as archives of stimulating content. As always, if the writing supports and inspires you – please share it with friends and colleagues.

Part one challenged you to make an important attitude shift, which all managers and leaders must make in order to survive and thrive in the current business and economic downturn. Part two will describe the ways in which managers and leaders can inspire employees to work differently within this period of rapid change and intense competition.

Part Two of Four:

The intense competitive pressures and the never-ending pursuit of a competitive edge are forcing today’s workforce to be leaner and more agile, more focused on identifying brand value from the customer perspective, and more focused on developing dynamic and innovative strategic plans. These changes require workers to become their company’s best asset as they continually learn and perform as a way of adapting to the only constant in today’s dynamic organizational environment – change.

In my forthcoming book, Breaking Barriers: A Survival Guide to Work in the 21st Century, I describe the urgent need for continuous workplace learning and performance. Managers, leaders and organizations that understand and promote continuous workplace learning and performance have the best chance at turning the current economic downturn into an opportunity for improved performance and long-term success. I define workplace learning and performance as the consistent acquisition and application of knowledge, skills, attitudes, values, and abilities to successfully fulfill specific job functions that are consistent with the organization’s desired business outcomes.

Unlike the more static work of the past where roles and responsibilities are fixed over time – today’s work is constantly changing and requires continuous development of knowledge, skills and abilities that fulfill our specific job functions and add increasing value to the overall organizational goals. Continuous learning and performance is therefore a matter of survival for employees who must remain relevant to their organizations. For managers and leaders, inspiring continuous learning and performance in your workforce offers potentially the greatest competitive advantage.

At a practical level, this means that managers and leaders should encourage team members to invent and own their work; all employees to be self-initiating, self-correcting, and self evaluating; encourage individuals and teams to be guided by their own visions of work; and empower workers to take responsibility for what happens both internally and externally within the organization. In essence, it is your job to unleash the innovative force of your human capital. In reality, as fiscal capital is in demand, we must rely on the human capital of today’s organization, which is the knowledge worker who understands the clear connection between continuous learning and performance.

Digging a bit deeper, what outcomes can managers and leaders expect when they support the shift to continuous workplace learning and performance? The following characteristics are often developed throughout the workforce as learning and performance advance:

• Clear goals and expectations
• Greater internal motivation.
• Quicker response to feedback.
• Greater resilience in the face of adversity.
• Ability to anticipate success, despite obstacles.
• Confident and assertive communication of ideas.
• Willingness to embrace ambiguity and change.

These are just some of the benefits that continuous learning and performance bring. Of course, there are many obstacles to continuous learning and performance that make it difficult to truly turn our employees into our greatest assets. When obstacles to learning and performance are present for employees, they can negatively impact productivity and hinder overall organizational success. Progress and positive development occur for individuals and organizations when employers remove barriers to performance.

Identifying some of the most common barriers is the subject of part three of this series. Check back next week for the new post!

“Manage Like There Will Be A Tomorrow”

2009-01-12T08:14:00.000-08:00

This is the first part in a four-part series designed to give managers and leaders constructive insights to navigate these difficult times. Come back to the blog each Monday for future installments in the series, as well as archives of stimulating content. As always, if the writing supports and inspires you – please share it with friends and colleagues.

Part one is a brief introduction that begins with an important attitude shift that all managers and leaders must make in order to survive and thrive in the current business and economic downturn. Part two will describe the ways in which we all must work differently within this period of rapid change and intense competition. Part three discusses some important barriers that can be addressed to improve our learning and performance. And, part four offers a guided action plan for the first quarter of 2009.

Part One of Four:

We’ve all heard the inspiring call to action “live like there’s no tomorrow.” While this urgent directive can be helpful to get us out of our comfort zone for some things, it is decidedly unsound for the long term. I think something very different is required of those that manage and lead organizations in today’s volatile business economy. We have to manage and lead like there will be a tomorrow. To some, this may sound like the bar has been lowered to a plane just above survival. However, taking on this confident mindset is a prerequisite for surviving and thriving in the downturn.

In trying to sum up the impact of the collective change that I see managers and leaders experiencing across industries, I’ve described it as an “elegant disintegration of all things grasped for.” In practical terms, it means we don’t know which way is up…everything that we thought we knew now seems to be in question…and it doesn’t feel like much of anything can be counted upon. In fact, over the last six months most of my coaching and consulting clients have had one major goal in common – they want to establish at least some predictability during these incredibly uncertain times. More specifically, they are striving to establish meaningful strategies and action plans that can carry them through.

The first step in creating these strategies and plans is to make the conscious choice that the future can be shaped. I have always believed that today is the best preview of tomorrow. The attitudes that influence our thinking and inform the total set of adaptive choices we make and actions we take today are the best prediction of what tomorrow will hold. Therefore, making this subtle, but very powerful shift in thinking – we are managing like there will be a tomorrow – is the start of confidently putting one foot in front of the other. This is the surest way to get a foothold into a productive path forward.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to visit the Breaking Barriers blog every Monday to get the latest updates. The 2009 edition will resume on Monday January 12, 2009. January will begin with a powerful 4-part series focused on managing/leading in tough times. Don't miss a thing!

“Change Your Routine”

2008-12-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

If you’ve ever tried to break a habit at work or in your personal life, then you know how difficult it can be to get out of a pattern and start a new routine. Despite this difficulty, there are some routines that are worth changing. In prior posts I have written about ways in which we sometimes project outward attitudes that are then contradicted by our own choices and behaviors. In this vein, defensive routines are important habits to examine.

A defensive routine is like a mixed-message, which over time blinds people to its contradictory nature and is seen simply as the truth. This welcomed conundrum is a sort of double-bind, which is maintained as a means of preventing embarrassment, avoiding a perceived threat or awkward situation, maintaining the status quo and avoiding unwanted change. As these messages are institutionalized over time, they can take on the force of a cultural taboo, making an honest dialogue about them off limits.

It is important to note that these defensive routines represent dynamic and complicated behaviors and require a certain level of what Chris Argyris calls "skilled incompetence”. Essentially, even though one individual may know that another person is also aware of an issue that is a problem of mutual concern, they both choose to act as though neither of the parties knows anything. They both may do this in a skilled manner in order to perpetuate a believable cover-up. The very attitudes and behaviors that support these cover-ups are an example of a defensive routine and over time they serve to prevent the learning that is necessary to bring about both individual and organizational changes for improvement. If you think you are experiencing a defensive routine, answer these four questions to see what is happening at a deeper level.

* Are you or others sending a message that is inconsistent?
* Are you or others acting as if the message is not inconsistent?
* Are you or others in any way making this inconsistency undiscussable?
* And, are you or others making the pretense that there is no inconsistency, or that it is discussable?

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, perhaps you are in the midst of a defensive routine. If you discover the presence of a defensive routine, it is critical to fully understand what it is and then devise a way to address it. No individual, team or organization is immune to developing defensive routines and it is important not to let responses to them include simple quick fixes or band-aid solutions. As a way to avoid developing or sustaining such routines, individuals can begin to practice more open communication by making it acceptable to freely and respectfully question interpersonal dynamics or business practices.

Once an environment of openness is established, there is an activity that can promote discussion about the nature of the defensive routine. Often called the “left-hand/right-hand column”, individuals focus on the identified problem, and then use a blank page to reveal things that they say and things that they think about the issue. After writing a brief description of the defensive routine as they see it, they begin in the right-hand column where they write down exactly what they have said about the situation. Then, in the left-hand column, they write down things that they think but do not say or act upon. The following questions can be discussed in order to contrast the difference between the two columns:

1. What factors have led me to think and feel this way?
2. What was my intention and what was I really hoping to accomplish?
3. How might my comments have contributed to the difficulties?
4. Why didn't I say or act upon what was in my left-hand column?
5. What assumptions might I be making about the other person or people involved?
6. What are the costs of operating this way? What are the payoffs?
7. How can I use my left-hand column to improve my communication and behavior on this issue?

Although it can take time and energy, identifying and addressing these defensive routines can accelerate the learning process and help us achieve our goals more consistently. Imagine what’s possible when we drop our defensive routines and take risks to learn the very things that can help us discover new kinds of success.

A Simple Tool To Help You GROW

2008-12-15T10:14:00.000-08:00

Are you a supervisor, manager or leader who is responsible for people in your organization? Are you a parent, volunteer or support person who wants to help others succeed without "acting like a boss"? If you fall into either of these groups, there is a simple but very effective tool that you can use to get the most out of people by improving decision-making and problem-solving skills in a quick, but meaningful way. It is called the GROW model and it is a well-proven technique that was originally developed by Mark Landsberg.

The GROW model is an acronym for the words Goal, Reality, Options and Wrap-up. When used as a series of questions, the GROW model can help give structure to a conversation that enables a person create the deep and clear awareness needed to understand their challenge. It can also inspire the responsibility for personal choice as well as the focused next steps needed to improve the situation.

Here's an example of using the GROW model: Tim is a young professional who is very successful in his job as a financial analyst. The skills that help him to offer great service to his clients, namely decisiveness, attention to detail and commitment to analytical research, proved not to be so helpful in his role as a volunteer recreational soccer coach. After getting some disappointing feedback from a few of the parents, Tim wanted to sort through his approach to coaching the team and make sure that being a great role model was always his number one priority. We used the GROW model to frame the conversation and it went something like this:

- Jesse: Tim, what's on your mind?

- Tim: I'm frustrated because I'm trying hard to be a good coach for these kids. I never wanted to be seen as someone who pushes too hard and loses sight of fun and good teamwork.

- Jesse: (Goal) Okay, let's talk about your approach to coaching the team. What are your specific goals for our conversation today? What would you like to be different as a result of what we discuss?

- Tim: Well, I would like to find a way to remind myself about what's important to me. I don't want to let the competitive juices distract me. And, I'd like to interact more with parents to gain their trust.

- Jesse: (Reality) Alright, let's take a look at the reality of the situation. Focusing on the last game, what happened? What effects did this behavior have on the kids, parents and other spectators?

- Tim: It was a tied game and I yelled at a player because she fell down but didn't get up quickly. I just wanted to encourage her, but it came out as real negative. One of the parents started yelling to her 'that's okay; if you're hurt take your time'. It was like we were competing with our comments.

- Jesse: (Options) What alternative choices do you have in this situation? What do you think will be your challenges with doing things differently?

- Tim: I need to remember that safety, fun and good teamwork come first and that the tone and words I chose should always reflect that. The challenge will be to not let the adrenaline take over.

- Jesse: (Wrap-up) Okay, what are the next steps you would like to commit to? What support do you need to help you stay focused on them?

- Tim: I'll ask my assistant coach to help me stay positive by letting me know that we need to take a time out when things get too tense. I'm also going to start a new tradition, after each game I'm going to give out a "game ball" to the player that showed the most sportsmanship. I'm going to invite the parents to get in the circle with us so they are a part of this positive experience.

Following this discussion, Tim reported that his new approach to coaching has also helped him maintain better balance during the work week too. Using the GROW model proved to be a simple, but very useful tool to help him understand the challenge and find ways to improve the situation. Imagine what's possible when we take steps to GROW!

“Get Comfortable With Contradictions”

2008-12-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

Be honest, when you woke up this morning the first question you asked yourself was what can I learn from Chinese dialectical epistemology? After your coffee, you rushed to your computer to scour the web for any answers you could get your hands on…

Chances are you probably didn’t wake up with that question rattling around in your head; but thankfully others have and there are some very interesting and potentially helpful insights to consider. The translation of these 50 cent words is simply this: the world is becoming more and more complex and as a result our daily lives are filled with inherent contradictions and conflicts that require a new kind of thinking to successfully manage them. Dialectical thinking means that we make room for alternative points of view or truths when considering a given experience in our daily lives.

Here’s a classic example: An individual may have a moral opposition to killing; however, they may also silently applaud a peaceful person’s effort to switch off the life-support of a spouse who is suffering beyond relief from terminal illness. In this example, how can both be true? Is the person a walking contradiction of their own values?

In the workplace, a supervisor is committed to the fair treatment of all employees regarding standard policies and procedures. Despite the fact that no employee is permitted to take time off without a written request at least two weeks in advance, the supervisor approves time off for an employee that urgently requests time due to an unforeseen and urgent family matter. Does this choice make the boss an unfair person? As a result has she compromised her integrity as a leader?

These two examples lead us back to the burning question you may or may not have woken up with this morning. There are three principles of Chinese dialectical epistemology that can help us make sense of these conundrums. First, reality is a dynamic process of continuous change. Second, reality is always full of ambiguity and contradiction. And third, everything is connected to everything else. These three Eastern principles contradict more Western ways of thinking that suggest everything is what it is (A = A) and because of the law of noncontradiction, no statement can be both true and false. Because dialectical thinking is not a convenient set of rules or principles as such, however, it can be harder to understand.

Embracing dialectical thinking is not to suggest that our closest values and principles should be rationalized away in a given situation. Instead, if we are able to use formal logic and Western thinking for basic problem solving (i.e. finding misplaced car keys), dialectical thinking will be more helpful with big-picture questions that touch as at a deeper level. Although they may be confusing, living with these contradictions can expose our deeper motivations, values and choices and may help us to identify what is really going on in a given situation.

Recognizing the continuous flow of change and the interconnectedness of situations also helps us to focus on the big picture and long-term impact of our decisions. Dialectical thinking can be helpful in a variety of everyday experiences. When faced with a really confusing situation, sometimes it feels better just to state the contradiction out loud. By exploring multiple perspectives, we often get out from under the pressure to find the one “right answer” and can find the most reasonable reconciliation of diverse options. Imagine what’s possible when we get comfortable with contradictions and seek the best answers to problems.

“How to Bring Out the Best in Others When All You See is Their Worst”

2008-12-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

“Let’s Stop and Think About It for a Minute!”

2008-11-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

This time of year many of us are thinking about changes we want to make in our lives. As with any goal or desire for change, it is important to understand that the way that we think about a topic largely influences our approach to taking action. Before you begin thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions in earnest, let’s stop and think about it for a minute.

Whatever we call them – errors in reasoning, thinking fallacies, cognitive biases, smoke screens, , etc. – there are a number of thinking mistakes that serve as common traps for us when considering, planning, and deciding things in the course of our lives. A great resource to learn more about the most common thinking fallacies is Don Lindsay’s website: http://www.don-lindsay-archive.org/. Here are a few of the most interesting thinking errors that I observe when working with people who are trying to resolve an issue or make a change.

Anchoring Bias occurs when a person sets a standard, regardless of its reasonableness. Once they set that standard, they are anchored to it and are unable to move past the constraints it brings. For example, if a person declares that they “have to lose 50 pounds this year”; they may get stuck on that unrealistic number. Losing weight may be healthy for them, but the actual number of pounds they lose may be less of a priority.

A False Dilemma occurs when only two opposing choices are presented as an “either or” solution. Although there may be other choices, the false dilemma directs us to buy into only one of the opposing options while excluding a middle ground. Saying “I need to move up in this company, or move out” is an example of a false dilemma because it does not acknowledge the possibility of incremental or alternative outcomes.

A Double Bind occurs when a person holds two contradictory pieces of information. “Let’s plan more spontaneous get togethers” is an example of a double bind because it leaves the person in an impossible, contradictory situation. No matter how hard they might try, they can never plan spontaneity.

A False Cause Fallacy assumes that just because event B follows event A, event B was therefore caused by event A. For example, “Last year a colleague got his Master’s degree and then got promoted. This year I will earn my Master’s degree so that I too will get promoted”. This is a false cause fallacy because it does not consider the fact that the colleague may have performed better and/or done additional things (beyond getting a graduate degree) to earn the promotion.

Filtering or Confirmation Bias is where a person consciously or unconsciously overlooks or avoids information that contradicts what they already believe or confirms something that they want to believe. Filtering makes it hard for us to take in valuable feedback, which is often needed to adjust our approach to achieving goals.

The Overconfidence Effect occurs when a person over estimates their ability to achieve a given level of performance in an activity. Despite the perception that many people lack confidence, it is human nature to believe in one’s behavior and abilities beyond what is realistic. This can result in risk taking behaviors such as setting very high goals and persisting in a failing course of action where the expected outcome is poor.

These and other common thinking errors such as blaming, catastrophic thinking, justifying and assuming often occur so frequently that it can be difficult to detect them. If you notice that your own thought patterns are affected by one or more of the above errors, try to observe your own thinking process to more fully understand the way you arrive at your conclusions. This observation may help to expose patterns of thought that are no longer useful to you.

Imagine what’s possible when our thinking untangles complex situations and leads us to clearer decision making and attainable goals.

PART FOUR OF FOUR: “Domestic Diplomats”

2008-11-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you for returning to the “Breaking Barriers” blog for Part 4 of this 4-part series. The series, Domestic Diplomats, is designed to support women in their roles as working parents, committed homemakers and involved citizens. If you missed any of the previous posts, you can find them on the blog by scrolling down toward the bottom of the home page.

Part 1 began with identifying the underlying patterns that get us off track; Part 2 identified some of the specific barriers that hold us back, while Part 3 discussed three important strategies to address barriers. Part 4 will describe more practical tools to help you succeed.

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If you have spent any time implementing some of the breaking barriers strategies that have been discussed in the first three parts of this series, you may have come face to face with the challenge of meeting the day-to-day demands of your life while finding additional energy to put into your own personal and professional development. The push and pull of thinking big and acting small can strain our ability to be poised, communicate assertively and manage emotional conflict effectively. These are the three hallmarks of a successful Domestic Diplomat and the following reminders can help you improve in these areas:

Stay Poised and Keep Your Composure -
Challenges to our composure are everywhere, however, maintaining composure is one of the most underrated traits of successful “Domestic Diplomats.” When we lose our composure, our attitudes and behaviors recede into a realm of reactionary, often personality driven behaviors. Rather than assertively working toward a solution, our flustered and disjointed actions can inflame the situation and ultimately take more energy than just dealing with the problem directly. The following tips will help you step up and stay cool when it’s crunch time:

- Give yourself a minute to vent and collect yourself;
- Assess the situation objectively and don’t let your own or someone else’s personal reaction cloud things;
- Gather all relevant information to understand the issue;
- Look at the deeper root cause of the problem and don’t get distracted by emotional interpretations of it; and
- Lead by example and take simple, focused action on what can be influenced.

You can tell you are composed when you breathe easily, remain centered and acknowledge the pressure and challenge of the moment without adding to it with your own angst. Keeping your composure is not only a key for your own individual success, but by example it can also inspire confidence in others.

Communicate Assertively -
Our personal and professional success can be measured in large part by the quality of our relationships. Our relationships flourish and decline one conversation at a time and the artfulness and courage to have these conversations in positive, constructive ways gives us an immediate opportunity to reach greater levels of success in all aspects of our lives. Communicating assertively in our everyday conversations can help us avoid the pent up frustration of things left unsaid or misunderstood. The following conversation guide can help you communicate effectively in a variety of circumstances:

- Describe the situation, including specific behaviors, in objective terms
- Put words to your feelings and express the impact of the situation
- Make a clear request and state what you want
- Ask for a response

Prior to the conversation, determine what an ideal time and place is and who needs to be a part of the conversation. And if you can, practice the conversation out loud by walking through each of the four steps.

Successfully Manage Emotional Conflict –
When it comes to emotional conflict, the core friction emerges when people differ in their expectations of each other. Or, put another way, emotional conflict occurs whenever our expectations are left unmet. “Domestic Diplomats” are often surrounded by emotional conflict in the workplace, at home and in social settings because we often don’t live up to the expectations we have for each other (incidentally, we usually don’t express what our expectations are, but that is the subject of another blog post).

When our expectations aren’t met by the world, disappointment is often the first emotion we experience. Among other things, the challenge with emotional conflict is that it can spawn other disruptive emotional reactions like fear, anxiety and guilt. As positive feelings that help connect us to others are replaced by pessimism, resentment and anger, the cumulative effects of emotional conflict can erode happiness, productivity and satisfaction in relationships. Here are a few ideas that may work for you if you find yourself bogged down in an emotional conflict:

- Tune in and understand the emotion you are feeling
- Take ownership for your own unmet expectations and tell the person how you feel without blaming them (anger/resentment are secondary emotions, so acknowledge these feelings and let them go)
- Clearly state your expectation and make a positive request that it be met

As both people exchange ideas about solutions to move forward, the chances for success grow.

In summary, keeping your composure, communicating assertively and proactively managing emotional conflict are three important traits of successful “Domestic Diplomats.” If you can do these three things well, you will be able to maintain a focus on breaking barriers without getting sidetracked by unnecessary interpersonal issues. In addition, you will create an environment for yourself that is much more for receptive to personal growth. Good luck in your journey to become a successful Domestic Diplomat – the world needs you!

Thank you for joining me and the more than 450 readers who followed this four-part series. As always, don’t forget to visit the Breaking Barriers blog each Monday for new posts, polls and other great ready-to-use insights.

PART THREE OF FOUR: “Domestic Diplomats”

2008-11-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

Thank you for returning to the “Breaking Barriers” blog for Part 3 of this 4-part series. The series, Domestic Diplomats, is designed to support women in their roles as working parents, committed homemakers and involved citizens. If you missed any of the previous posts, you can find them on the blog by scrolling down toward the bottom of the home page.

Part 1 began with identifying the underlying patterns and barriers that get us off track and keep us out of balance. This introduction laid the foundation for being a successful Domestic Diplomat. Part 2 picked up their and identified some of the specific barriers that hold us back. Now, in Part 3 we get serious about change.

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Okay, now that we have identified some of the specific barriers that challenge us in our day-to-day lives, what next? First and foremost, it’s time to shift your thinking!

There are three important steps that you can take to change the way you think about your barriers. If you make these three shifts, you have the opportunity to continuously learn and make progress on your goals. Whether you are focusing on being a more effective professional, a dedicated mother and wife, or to spend more time focusing on you, making the following three shifts can help you get there.

Shift #1: Before We Can Change, We Have To Become Aware
The pace of modern life can keep us in constant “catch up” mode. Without time to reflect and integrate new learning, we are bound to the same recurring patterns of experience. As we discussed in Part 1, just as our patterns of experience bring us face to face with our barriers, they can also divert us from seeing them for what they are and taking practical steps to address them.

Therefore, the first shift you can make is a commitment to become aware of your attitudes, behaviors and decision-making processes that guide you. Becoming aware is not the same as forming an opinion about what you see. Too many times when we are taking steps in our personal and professional development we “rush to judge” ourselves. This judgment can come with strong emotions, which often blind us from seeing what is really going on. Only by seeing clearly can we identify what exactly is or isn’t working for us in a given situation. Because awareness is the key to making change, we have to have an observer’s eye and steadily examine and learn from what we notice.

Shift #2: Barriers Mark Our Pathway To Change
In Part 2 we discussed several of the common examples of barriers that women experience as they juggle their roles and responsibilities. As you read through the list, did some of those barriers hit home with you? What was your first reaction; to want to get rid of them? Many of us look at our barriers as negative traits or extra baggage to get rid of, to avoid or to use as justification for negative self-talk about ourselves. However, if we simply try to run from or avoid our barriers we miss a critical opportunity.

Instead of avoiding barriers, if we make the second important shift and look at our barriers as signposts that can map the way to positive change, we can exploit them as a useful guide for improvement. For example, if we notice that we tend to “Do The Wrong Things Right And Leave The Right Things Neglected,” this barrier can point the way toward re-focusing our priorities on what matters most. If we realize that we “Expect More of Ourselves Than Anyone Else,” we are reminded to adjust the unrealistic expectations we hold for ourselves and reduce the anxiety we carry. Regardless of what the barrier is, it will show you where to concentrate your efforts to change.

Shift #3: We Live On A Continuum Of Change
The third shift is subtle, but just as important as the first two. When we consider the change we want to make in our lives, we can sometimes get trapped in “either, or” and “black or white” kinds of absolute thinking. This is counterproductive. Instead, we need to recognize that we all live on a continuum of steady change that keeps us in a constant state of “becoming.”

Now, let’s put all three of the shifts together in a very practical example. Let’s say you’ve become aware of one of your specific barriers – perhaps you do not ask for help and support from others when you really need it. Rather than simply ignoring the behavior, you have recognized that the barrier is showing you an area for potential growth: it marks the pathway to change for you. Now that this new awareness has helped you see an avenue for change, you can use the concept of “a continuum of change” to develop a goal for taking small steps forward.

For instance, ask yourself the scaling question: “On a scale of 1 to 10, where do I put myself on the continuum.” A rank of “1” means that I absolutely never ask for help from anyone while a rank of “10” means that I consistently and appropriately seek help and support from those around me. Now, using the scale of 1 – 10, place yourself at a given point along the continuum. Let’s say for example that you gave yourself a “4”, meaning that less than half of the time you are willing to take the risk of opening up and asking for help. This ranking now offers several teachable moments. For example, what is the result in your life of being a “4?” Are you suffering quietly with a burden you can’t carry alone? Do you have growing seeds of resentment toward those who do not “read your mind” and know that you could use a hand? Are the burden and resentment starting to spill over into other parts of your life? More importantly, if you are not content staying at a “4,” what would it take to become a 5 or even a 6 or 7? What one or two practical steps could you take beginning right now to start moving along the continuum toward your desired goal?

This final question becomes your action plan for growth. It is not feasible to go from 4 to 10 overnight. However, if you commit to a couple of achievable, incremental goals then change is not only realistic, but inevitable. You can see that making these three shifts and following similar self-guided questions can open up opportunities to address your barriers and create focused change. The path toward becoming an effective Domestic Diplomat requires that you make these shifts. Once you do, you are ready for the final installment of this series.

Visit the Breaking Barriers blog next Monday for Part 4 of this series, which will help you focus on the communication and conflict resolution skills that will help you excel as a successful Domestic Diplomat. In the meantime, your homework is to notice one barrier that surfaces throughout your experience this week. Rather than judging it, just become aware of what it is and what it creates in your life. Next, shift your thinking in order to look at that barrier as something that points toward change, rather than something unwanted to get rid of. And finally, place yourself on a continuum and make a reasonable commitment to move toward the change you want to see.

PART TWO OF FOUR: “Domestic Diplomats”

2008-11-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Thank you for returning to the “Breaking Barriers” blog for Part 2 of this 4-part series. The series, Domestic Diplomats, is designed to support women in their roles as working parents, committed homemakers and involved citizens. If you missed any of the previous posts, you can find them on the blog by scrolling down toward the bottom of the home page.

In Part 1 we began with identifying the underlying patterns and barriers that get us off track and keep us out of balance. This introduction laid the foundation for being a successful Domestic Diplomat. Part 2 picks up where we left off and shifts toward identifying the specific barriers that hold us back.

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Last week I provided a snapshot of the “Good Intentions” pattern and the “Repeat Success” patterns as a way of demonstrating how our routines often distract us from taking an honest look at our barriers. Now that each of you understand your own pattern of experience better, identifying your barriers is possible.

In my coaching and consulting experience, I have identified many different barriers that women experience as they negotiate the demands of modern life. Not only can these barriers make people ineffective communicators and problem-solvers, but over time they can prevent us from reaching our larger goals in life. Before we identify some of the most common barriers Domestic Diplomats experience, a few reminders first.

The more familiar we become with our own patterns, the better we will be able to recognize our barriers when they show up. And, as a general rule - when we see a barrier we don't need to rush to "fix it." Instead, we should make friends with it in order to more deeply understand where it comes from and what it creates for us. In that spirit, here are a few of the common barriers that Domestic Diplomats encounter:

1) Not Asking For Help - You can dish it out, but you can't take it. Giving your all to others and not asking for help when you need it most can hold you back. Worse yet, it sometimes makes the help you give seem to come with “guilty strings” attached.

2) Becoming Trapped In Your “To Do List” - Women are usually efficient and productive, however, constantly anticipating the needs of the next situation (packing the diaper back, change of clothes, work out gear, emergency phone numbers, extra lap top, etc.) can get you trapped in anticipation of “what comes next.” Always preparing, but never being present can create a big blind spot.

3) Wishing Or Hoping Things Would Be Different - Being stuck in your thoughts about how things "should be” can keep you from taking proactive steps to make change. Even if you don’t think of yourself as a victim of others, being a victim of “should” can paralyze you and leave you feeling bitter and angry.

4) Expecting More of Yourself Than Anyone Else – When the bar is set so high, the pressure can be unbearable. Sometimes it’s helpful to realize who is holding the bar so high. Bosses, partners, children and friends usually don’t place unrealistic demands on your life – so why do you?

5) Doing The Wrong Things Right And Leaving The Right Things Neglected - Getting the shopping done perfectly well while avoiding that difficult conversation with your husband, girlfriend, etc. can turn your priorities upside down. When we accomplish lesser priorities while avoiding more important needs, we get the illusion of success, at the expense of taking care of what matters most.

6) Change Exhaustion – The pace of life and its many changes can be unrelenting. Too many changes over a short period of time can lead to fatigue and resistance. Because it’s infeasible to stop the flow of change, we have to focus on becoming attached to the things that are lasting, while holding only loosely to the things that are fleeting.

7) Confirmation Bias – When you expect to feel unappreciated, don’t be surprised if you feel unappreciated. Looking for what reinforces our own existing beliefs and expectations gives us a kind of tunnel vision. As a result, we miss out on other possibilities and end up believing what we already assumed was true.

8) Never Truly Letting Go - You finally get to the gym for some “me time” and instead of relaxing into a good workout, you're mind is pacing back and forth between tomorrow’s "to do list" and the dishes in the sink at home. Instead of the rationalized virtue “someone needs to be responsible”, never really letting go becomes a burden that suffocates new ideas and possibilities from your life experience.

9) Expecting People to Read Our Minds (And Being Frustrated When They Don't)– Just because those from Venus are known as the superior communicators on the planet, doesn’t mean you don’t have work to do. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that more of your needs are met when you clearly express your expectations to others.

These are some of the more prominent barriers that I see with women who are juggling commitments at work, at home and in the community. Some of these may speak to you, while others may not. Your homework this week is to use this list as a starting place, and simply notice the barriers you encounter. Now that you are familiar with your pattern (from Part 1), when the barriers show up you will be much better positioned to learn from it.

Visit the Breaking Barriers blog next Monday for Part 3 of this series, which will help you focus on the attitude, behaviors and skills required to become a successful Domestic Diplomat.

PART ONE OF FOUR: “Domestic Diplomats”

2008-10-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

Are you one of the millions of women juggling responsibilities at home, at work and in the community? If so, chances are that at the end of long work/school days and throughout hectic weekends, you are required to be a Domestic Diplomat – always keeping the peace, negotiating schedules, soothing hurt feelings and, with all your spare time, delicately advocating for your own needs.

Needless to say, tactfully juggling everyone’s needs and expectations (while too often putting your own needs on the back burner) can be an overwhelming challenge that sometimes gets the best of us.

This four-part series is designed to support women in their roles as working parents, committed homemakers and involved citizens. Each piece offers room for some healthy venting, as well as some very practical strategies and tips to meet the challenges of life in the 21st century. Part 1 is about identifying the barriers that get us off track and keep us out of balance. This introduction lays the foundation for being a successful Domestic Diplomat.

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Many people talk about having balance as though it is the elixir of life. However, is searching for balance the answer? I do believe that work/life and physical/emotional/spiritual balance are an important aspect of a healthy life, but achieving balance is not a silver bullet. Even more important than having balance is becoming aware of the things that can knock us out of our rhythm. Before we can strike a balance we have to discover the barriers that make us one-dimensional, keep us off balance and out of focus.

There are many different barriers that women experience under the demands of modern life (i.e., setting low expectations to avoid failure, doing the wrong things right and leaving the right things neglected, inability to adapt to change, etc.). Not only can these barriers make us ineffective communicators and problem-solvers, but they can prevent us from reaching our larger goals in life. Successful Domestic Diplomats must be willing to identify and address barriers.

Before we get into more specific examples in Part Two, it is important to understand that these barriers are experienced within patterns of experience. In most cases, these patterns prevent us from understanding and addressing our barriers. Here are a couple of common experience patterns that might seem familiar to you:

The “Good Intentions” Pattern – A) You have energy and excitement for accomplishing your goals; B) You put forth some effort, although you’re not very directed; C) You experience mixed results; D) Barriers pop up and overwhelm you; E) Frustration and negative self-talk set in; F) You lose focus and become distracted from your priorities; G) You spend time trying to rebuild your energy and excitement toward the goal…and the cycle starts again.

The “Repeat Success” Pattern – A) You have a track record of past success in one part of your life; B) You put all your energy into what you know you are good at; C) Other parts of your life begin to suffer; D)The imbalance becomes painful and you’re forced to look at the part of your life that you’ve neglected; E)As these unfamiliar Barriers come into sight, your efforts lack confidence and commitment; F) When you’re not perfect at “fixing things” right away, frustration sinks in; G) You return to what you know in order to feel the success from what you’re good at…and the cycle starts again.

Notice in both of these examples, the moment the barriers are seen and felt, the cycle moves the person away from confronting them directly. If you experience one or both of these patterns, it is important to recognize that the barriers that create frustration for us also give us the opportunity to grow. Rather than being something to ignore or retreat from, we should embrace our barriers and learn what they can teach us about what gets us stuck. Only by addressing these barriers can we potentially change the dynamic of the cycle.

What is most important at this point is simply to become aware of your own patterns and the specific barriers that you experience. Don’t rush to fix them, and definitely don’t react to them – just observe what they are and get to know more about when they show up and what they create for you. Visit the Breaking Barriers blog next Monday for Part 2 of this series. Part two will help you take the next step to address your barriers on your path to becoming a Domestic Diplomat.

“Pain is Changeful”

2008-10-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

Riddle: What is really good for us, feels really bad for us, is something that we avoid and yet is something that’s ultimately unavoidable? Change.

Despite our valiant efforts to fend it off with repetitive behavioral routines and comfortable patterns of thinking, change is all around us and is a natural part of life. While it’s true that change can sometimes be really painful, it is also true that pain is changeful. This is more than a distinction without a difference - so if you are confused, stick with me.

More than just a clever way to reframe a problem or negative experience, looking at pain as a source of positive change is an efficient and practical choice. Pain from change can come in many forms, including: frustration over unmet expectations, disappointment over lost opportunities and grief from broken relationships to name a few. Rather than seeing these painful experiences as a nuisance or something to “get past”, why not embrace them as a vehicle to accelerate the change we experience?

If these negative emotions are part of the reality we are facing, we can choose to seize that moment and face up to them squarely in order to take important lessons from them. The following tips may help you find the focus and sustain the motivation to stick with the pain and use it as a catalyst to change:

1) Keep Perspective – It is critically important to keep things in perspective so that we can process our experiences accordingly. A frustrating experience may feel like a “mountain”, but if we capture a wider vantage point when the initial sting subsides, we may actually recognize it as just a “small hill”. Keeping perspective will reduce wasted energy on potential over-reactions as our responses to painful experiences become more proportional.

2) Find The Teachable Moment – If pain is truly going to be changeful, we have to find the teachable moment. Maybe the lesson is about our own misguided efforts, perhaps we didn’t listen enough or perhaps we didn’t stand up for what we knew was right. Either way, the important thing is to capture the lesson and fully integrate into our experience for next time.

3) If I Feel Something, They Feel Something – If your pain stems from some kind of relationship concern, chances are just like you feel something, the other person involved also feels something. This recognition can be a humanizing force and it is an important reminder that if we get out of our own shoes, we’re likely to be less attached to our own emotional pain as we empathize and connect with others.

The next time you feel pain or discomfort, think changefully about ways to use the experience for your own growth and development. Imagine what’s possible when pain is changeful and regrets are unnecessary.

“The Weight of the World”

2008-10-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried to start something new – something so new that you had to create it out of thin air? Maybe you decided to commit to a new attitude or behavior. Maybe you rededicated yourself to better performance at your current job. Or, maybe you were the driving force behind a new business or other venture. If you have done any of these things, chances are you have seen first hand what a roller coaster setting and achieving goals can be.

During the dreaming stage, ideas and goals flow and things can feel loose and light. However, moving from out-of-the-box, blue sky thinking to on-the-ground action can make things feel heavy – like the weight of the world is squashing the life out of the motivation you have to succeed. Swinging between both of these poles is to be expected as they represent the tension needed to bring our goals to fruition. Unfortunately, many of us shy away from finishing things because we don’t persevere through the intensity of the extremes before settling into a comfortable middle-ground that leads us to inspired, but focused action.

A coaching client who runs a multimedia company wants to establish himself as a preeminent documentarian whose work literally changes the world. This is a lofty goal for sure, but one that inspires him deeply just by saying it out loud. Just as the thought of redefining his career makes him fly, the patience for and commitment to the baby steps required along the way could challenge him and pull him off track. The way he responds to this tension between the opposing forces will make all the difference in the world. But how can we consistently respond to these shifts in ways that will contribute to our success?

One of the best ways to manage the challenges of goal attainment is to simply remind yourself of where you are going. Yogi Berra once said “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll wind up somewhere else.” Whether it is a written affirmation or some other picture of success, these reminders can serve as compass points when you are turned around. Next, we can set the right type of goal for a given situation. Some goals are defined in concrete, specific ways (i.e. I need to read chapter 10 of my biology text book) while others are more abstract or broad (i.e. I want to have a successful career). Most people tend to express things in more abstract terms; as a result they tend to get bogged down and lose their way in the face of adversity. If your goal is defined in a broad manner, determine more concrete goals that could serve as a means for achieving the loftier goal. This can jump start progress and keep things moving in a forward direction.

Finally, we should remember that it takes a tremendous amount of psychological energy to make something real. In the beginning, nobody else will believe something is so until we have relentlessly shown that it is. Waking up everyday and re-establishing yourself can put some wear and tear on your motivation. It is helpful to plan for this by periodically revisiting the passion that inspired the goal in the first place. In the same way that helium lifts a balloon, we have to find ways to use our motivation as a tool to do the heavy lifting of the day-to-day action planning.

Imagine what’s possible if we used the strength of our motivation to lift the weight of the world and achieve our goals.

“Are You Energized, Focused & Engaged In Your Work?”

2008-10-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

In a recent coaching session with a 40 something professional, I was asked “What’s wrong with me? I loved this job when I started two years ago, but now my mind wanders and I don’t feel engaged at all.” He went on to say “I know I should be happy every day because this is a great job and I’m lucky to work in a growing field”.

This is a very common dilemma that many people face in today’s workplace. Let me ask you the question: are you energized, focused and engaged in your work? I believe that there are some things in life that just sound really good. Waking up each day excited about work and arriving on the job with a high level of energy, focus and commitment is one of those things. In reality, it seems that this total package of ongoing happiness and challenge is something that eludes many of us, yet we feel like we should experience those positive feelings on a daily basis. This “should” is strong, and many of us even beat ourselves up a bit when we feel our energy wane, our focus drift and our engagement relax in the work that we are doing.

In my experience, most people struggle to “love what they do”. This is not because they aren’t trying hard enough or aren’t committed enough; it is because things ebb and flow naturally and the cycle of things, especially in a work environment, naturally has its highs and lows. If one can maintain a basic underlying commitment to the work they are doing over time, the chance to revive and increase energy, focus and engagement at work is always within reach.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you get through a period of time where your energy and focus lag:

1) Write down a few examples of day-to-day activities that you feel bring energy and focus to your work. Using whatever level of autonomy you have in planning your daily activities, do as many of these as possible.

2) Do something each day that utilizes one of your strengths and delivers a jolt of enthusiasm. For example, if you are a good problem solver, spend a few minutes thinking about an intriguing problem you face at work and plan to share your ideas with a colleague.

3) Remember that you are not alone. Find a way to constructively talk about your attitude toward work with a colleague. Rather than complaining with somebody else, find someone who can support you as you rebuild your sense of positive focus and engagement.

4) And finally, know that the workplace evolves in a cycle. The most important thing is to maintain an on-going commitment to your work, which will keep you engaged enough during the challenging times.

In some cases, however, there can be issues beyond just the natural cycle of highs and lows at work. Occasionally people compromise their values and perhaps even a long-term goal or dream that they have for themselves by staying in a job. In these cases, it is less realistic to think that exercising patience during hard times will ultimately result in the return of a higher level of energy and focus in the future.

A good way to find out if your own values are in conflict with the work you do is to do a quick “values sort”. Write down 10 – 15 values that you hold dear (i.e. being challenged, attaining financial reward, respect, teamwork, etc.). Next, circle the four or five that are the most important to you. After this, make an honest assessment of how these values are or are not being met in your current work. If you must honestly say that more times than not you are compromising your core values at work, the chances of becoming more fully energized, focused and engaged in your work are slim. Once we compromise our values over a period of time (knowingly or unknowingly), we lose the integrity that is needed for maintaining a true commitment.

Imagine what’s possible when we find something, even something small, each day that brings energy, focus and engagement to our work.

“Take It to the Elephant Graveyard”

2008-09-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

Popular legend suggests that elephants instinctively leave their group when they reach an older age and then guide themselves toward a special place known as the Elephant Graveyard. When their journey is done, they die there alone, far away from the group - perhaps so that their passing does not adversely impact the herd or slow them down in any way.

Whether true or not, I think human nature can learn something important from watching this animal instinct in action. There are elephants all around us - at home, at work and throughout our community. Only the DNA of these elephants is formed from the miscommunications, unresolved conflicts, unmet expectations, denials and outbursts we experience in the course of our day-to-day lives.

When our higher ideals and abilities guide us, we confront these situations and resolve the issues in ways that allow us to move past the challenge at hand. However, when we lack the courage, energy or ability to successfully resolve an issue, it can take on a life of its own and acquire residence amidst our daily tasks and relationships. The old saying “the elephant in the room” describes these often unmentionable issues that are known by most to be present, yet overwhelm or intimidate direct conversation about their nature and influence.

How many aging elephants are lingering in your office, board room or living room? What is stopping you from giving them permission to go away and die so that you can move on, unencumbered by the weight of their memory? The following suggestions are offered here as a resource to address your “elephant in the room”:

Make the undiscussable discussable – Whether the issue is between two or twenty-two people, reduce the stigma of discussing the issue by requesting an open and honest discussion. Resistance to this can come from fear of saying things that may hurt others or result in retribution. You can reduce these fears and encourage conversation by setting up a few groundrules to make it a safe conversation.

Put the elephant in all three dimensions – The proverbial blind men touching different parts of an elephant and all describing something very different is a helpful analogy. It should not be assumed that everyone “knows exactly what’s going on here”. Invite people to share their perspective on the issue and don’t judge the way in which perspectives are different concerning the nature and causes of the issue. This will result in a much fuller understanding of what is happening and what is at stake.

Focus everyone on moving forward – Pose a powerful question to start down the path of resolution. Asking “what do we need to do to make peace with this and move on?” will initiate a conversation of possibilities and perhaps forgiveness and peace.

Implementing these three suggestions will be difficult for sure. However, they offer a possible way through the deeply-rooted issues that bog you and others down. Imagine what’s possible when the path to the elephant graveyard becomes well traveled and we confront our issues directly to let go of the past and claim a better future.

“What’s Your Emotional Bottom Line?”

2008-09-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

In business we pay attention to the bottom line as a measure of net income and as an indicator of the health and potential of an enterprise. But in our own lives, what helps us gauge our current health and potential for success? Our emotional bottom line can be an enlightening interpersonal benchmark of what’s working and what’s not working for us.

An emotional bottom line is the difference between what you need and what you are getting. A healthy emotional bottom line means that in general you are getting your needs satisfied more often than not. For example, if a person has an expressed need to feel challenged in their position at work, a healthy emotional bottom line would indicate that in general they enjoy a sense of challenge on most days at work. Your bottom line can be measured by identifying and reflecting on your various roles and responsibilities and documenting what aspects provide reasonable degrees of challenge.

Similar to a businesses’ bottom line, our emotional bottom line can help us to be reflective about a given situation to determine whether or not we need to address any gaps.

While working with a client recently, I had the opportunity to help them articulate their emotional bottom line related to a contentious issue in the workplace. My client explained that she had repeatedly felt “shut out” and “undermined” by a dominating colleague. During meetings, she was unable to present her own ideas without fear of being interrupted or sidetracked. This led to anxiety and an ever-present, underlying sense of worry. I asked the client what she needed in this situation. She explained that she desired mutual respect with her colleague and wanted the freedom to express ideas on her own terms, without fear of sabotage. When asked where her emotional bottom line was right now, she explained that in general, most days left her feeling frustrated and unable to meet her needs.

As we probed on the related issues more deeply, the realization of an unhealthy bottom line helped the client to assess how important these emotional and psychological needs were, what negative effects their absence were having on her life inside and outside of the workplace and, most importantly, what assertive action she was willing to commit to in order to improve her emotional bottom line related to these particular needs.

Walking yourself through this type of reflective exercise to measure your own emotional bottom line can add a lot of value at both a personal or team level. It helps to put something very subjective into a more objective framework, making it easier to talk about difficult interpersonal issues. Rather than losing our balance, imagine what’s possible if we took an honest look out our emotional bottom lines?

“When Are We Part of the Problem?”

2008-09-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

Recently during a heated mediation session, one of the disputants lamented that the situation had only gotten bad when the other person failed to make their agreed upon payments according to the proper payment schedule. He stopped short of using the actual words “it’s all her fault”, but the tone and intent said as much. As this gentleman was analyzing his predicament, something really important was at work – the chance to see the causes and connections that bring unwanted outcomes to our lives.

During a private conversation in the midst of the mediation I asked him about his role in the situation. I explained that it is important to understand the total picture in order to find both short term and long term solutions. At first he explained that he didn’t have a role in the conflict, but rather he was a victim of the failed payment schedule. Then I asked him to go beyond the outward analysis of the situation and to look inwardly to see if the picture changed any for him. I specifically asked him “when the first payment was late, what did you do?” He explained that he got upset and expected that from now on there would be a pattern of lateness (only confirming his impression of the business partner). He also said that he chose not to call to inquire about the late payment directly, but rather to take a wait and see approach.

Later on in the mediation he would find out that his choice to be passive was a costly factor in the dispute because the late payment was an inadvertent clerical error that could have been cleared up with one phone call. To say that it wasn’t his responsibility to fix the situation when the payment was owed to him misses the point – it is not about blame but about being proactive in advocating for what we need just not at the expense of others’ needs.

The difference between thoughtful consideration about what we’re willing to go along with is not the same as taking on a resistant attitude. There are lots of things we are asked to do that we may not feel excited about or derive much personal satisfaction from, yet the responsibilities are important nonetheless. I’m specifically referring to times when we should speak up against or avoid the things that have room for our personal choice.

For example, during a coaching session with a client I was told the story of a team project that got out of hand. My client was really upset because more and more expectations had been heaped upon her as the project leader. As I delved into the situation with her, I asked questions to help her see the full picture – both the external factors as well as her own choices that contributed to the situation. As we discussed things, she remembered an email from her boss that asked “would it be okay to move the deadline up and to provide two reports instead of one?” At the time, my client read the email less as a question and more as a demand. However, in considering things now, she recognized that she was guilty in going along with things and leaving her emerging sense of frustration left unsaid.

Asking ourselves the question “what did I do to contribute to this situation” can be a very powerful way of helping us to see how we are often in collusion with things that are not in our own best interest. It is our own acquiescence to these factors that is often at the root of our dissatisfaction, not the factors themselves. It requires a real honest look at ourselves to ask what we have contributed to a given mess, but the benefits can potentially set us on course to avoid the same line of blind thinking in the future. Imagine what’s possible when we stop being a partner to our problems and start making choices that lead us to more satisfying results.

“Make the Most of Every Complaint”

2008-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

A complaint is like the tip of an iceberg – it is a small representation of something bigger that exists below the visible surface. While complaints often appear to be simple, negative reactions, they are also a sign of things that matter to us. Revealing what is below the surface of our complaints can help us connect to what matters most.

Psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey provide insight into the way our surface-level complaints represent something powerful when they say: “We would not complain about anything unless we cared about something.” During a recent conversation with a coaching client who shared a significant complaint with me, I used an activity based on Kegan and Lahey’s work to help him follow the path of his complaint to his underlying values and priorities.

- His complaint, which was said with equal parts venom and hopelessness, went something like this: “I can’t stand it when people talk behind each others’ backs, the constant backbiting and gossip is killing morale”.

- After acknowledging what he said and telling him I appreciated how strongly he felt about it, I asked him to take that complaint and restate it in the form of a commitment – in other words, behind the complaint, what is your commitment? He replied, “Well, I guess I’m committed to more open and direct communication with colleagues at work”.

- Great, I said, now as you think about your commitment, what are you doing or not doing that prevents your commitment from being fully realized? “Um, I don’t speak up when colleagues gossip about others. And, I won’t always speak to a person directly when I have an issue with them.”

- Okay, now looking at your behavior, are you also committed to something else – do you have a competing commitment? After some thought, he replied “Yes, I guess I’m also committed to not being seen as some ‘righteous crusader’, or ‘condescending watchdog’. And, I want people to feel comfortable with me.”

- We discovered that he holds several commitments that are working against each other. Now, I said, when you look at your competing commitments, do you see a big assumption that holds them together? “Yes! I assume that if people do see me as the righteous crusader then they will avoid me, I would eventually become shunned and have no real connections at my office, and then work would become a nightmare.”

In review, I asked him what he noticed about the exercise. Like the many others who I have done this activity with, he was amazed at the way his competing commitments and assumptions had created a frustrating cycle of disappointment. He said, “I’ve been feeling like a whiner, but now I can see my convictions and use those in a more productive way”.

Rather than looking outward and blaming others for his dissatisfaction, he had a new framework to observe his own internal choices that contributed to his complaint. The next time you complain, try to follow it below the surface and see if it leads you to what matters most.

“What’s for Breakfast? Your Business’ Strategy!”

2008-08-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Recently a client from the hotel business was developing a complicated workforce development strategy. As the finishing touches were being put on the plan, the team leader confirmed that “we nailed it”. At that moment, I quickly interjected a popular buzz phrase to the rest of the team - “culture eats strategy for breakfast”. I explained that this is an accurate and realistic danger because many business leaders develop their short and long-term plans in a vacuum, thinking that the strategy itself will be enough to lead the way.

It always has been, and always will be, the people who must integrate change and adapt their attitudes and behaviors to new strategic directions if those changes will firmly take hold. If you’ve ever tried to steer an organization into a new direction through pure technical or strategic means, rather than incorporating a human strategy component that accounts for the living, breathing, working culture of the organization itself, then you know what I am talking about. It can be like herding cats.

An interesting question about organizational culture is: can we really influence it, or will it simply do what it does? In my work with organizations and their leaders I have come to believe that indeed we can influence workplace culture in meaningful ways so that good strategy has the chance to flourish. The next time you formulate the perfect set of strategic goals for your business, the following ideas may help you to integrate the strategy into the culture of your organization before it gets eaten for breakfast:

Know What Culture Is - Your culture doesn’t need to be a vague or lofty concept. Workplace culture is simply the collective stories, attitudes, beliefs, rules, behaviors, jokes and experiences that are learned and shared by those inside the organization. When it is meshing, culture is a powerful force that helps people understand each other and work effectively together. When it becomes dysfunctional or goes through periods of change, it can be a powerful force that contributes to misunderstanding, conflict, poor working relationships and inefficiency.

Treat Culture Like a System - The culture of your organization is a complex system, with lots and lots of moving parts that come together to give it its unique identity. When integrating new elements to the system (e.g. strategic plans), it is critical to take a step back and look at the written and unwritten rules of the organization to know how the strategy will be understood and received. Some cultures strive to hold firmly to their history and identity, while some others are built around the notion of continuous change. Sometimes the different parts of the system do not see the world in the same way; therefore, communicating context and insight related to proposed strategic change is essential.

Listen to Voices and Give them Choices - It is important to listen to all the voices within the organization. Often there are internal influencers (they could be positive contributors or underminers) that hold sway with the pulse of the group. All voices, despite their potential opposition to a new prospective strategy, should be fully integrated into the discussion. Listening is only the first part of this process, however. Opening up a forum for dialogue and an exchange of views gives people an empowering voice and renders organizational members more likely to support (even if they don’t fully agree with) strategic changes.

Considering these ideas may provide you with a wider perspective that ultimately helps to get things done. Imagine what’s possible when strategic thinking and cultural understanding skip breakfast and just do lunch.

Breaking Barriers - Distraction from Multitasking

2008-08-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Multitasking has been widely recognized as an important skill to have in today’s fast paced and competitive business environment. The notion is that one can do more with less time and in the process withstand multiple interruptions and handle a wide variety of tasks in the course of a workday. New research indicates that multitasking not only results in the loss of time, but it reduces overall effectiveness and the accuracy of performance in the specific categories of tasks involved. The busyness associated with task switching reduces the valuable self-talk and mental processing time we need for effective decision-making. In fact, the overall switch-cost from one activity to the next could represent as much as 20 – 40% reduction in overall productivity.

“Making the First Move to Resolve Emotional Conflict”

2008-08-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Two friends, Jerry and Diane, have volunteered to plan a fundraiser for a local nonprofit organization that they both support. They’ve met several times and agreed on the tasks that each of them would do to get the job done. They scheduled a meeting for the next Monday to review their progress and go over the final plan. At the meeting, Jerry announced that unfortunately he had not finished his tasks because a family outing went longer than expected over the weekend. Diane was offended by this because she set aside her own personal plan of going to a movie with a friend to make sure she got her assignments finished. Jerry tried to explain that while the volunteer commitment is important, he also values family and did not want to compromise the precious weekend time he had with his kids. Diane felt that Jerry’s decision was selfish and her expectation for finishing the project on Monday was definitely unmet. The resentment that she felt toward Jerry grew as she considered her busy upcoming schedule and how the delay in the project would cause more hardship for her. As a result, their excitement for the upcoming event soured and caused both of them to reconsider continuing the collaboration…

In the past we’ve talked about conflict resolution in general. The focus of this column is emotional conflict – the kind of angst that Diane and Jerry experienced in what was supposed to be a friendly, positive project for a good cause. Just like Jerry and Diane, we know that every person is different and it is our differences that make conflict an inevitable part of life. However, if we shift our paradigm and choose to see everyday conflict as an opportunity for growth and positive change, we have the potential to improve relationships and avoid the negative costs of unresolved conflict.

When it comes to emotional conflict, the core friction emerges when people differ in their expectations of each other. Or, put another way, emotional conflict occurs whenever our expectations are left unmet. Emotional conflict occurs in the workplace, at home and in social settings because we often don’t live up to the expectations we have for each other (incidentally, we usually don’t express what our expectations are, but that is the subject of another column). When our expectations aren’t met by the world, disappointment is often the first emotion we experience. Among other things, the challenge with emotional conflict is that it can spawn other disruptive emotional reactions like fear, anxiety and guilt. Something that disappoints us can even lead to a feeling of injustice or victimization and in turn, secondary emotions like anger and resentment.

As positive feelings that help connect us to others are replaced by pessimism, resentment and anger, the cumulative effects of emotional conflict can erode happiness, productivity and satisfaction in relationships. For this reason, emotional conflict is very important to resolve. Many conflicts of this nature unfortunately are not resolved because the 1^st step must be taken by the individual whose expectation was unmet. This is counterintuitive in a way. Back to our story, Diane may be thinking that Jerry needs to step forward and apologize for his selfish actions to make the situation right. Or, should Diane be the one to recognize that Jerry wasn’t irresponsible and did not intentionally try to offend or cause an inconvenience for her? Is there a path for Diane and Jerry to get back in synch and work through the differences that threaten their project?

Here are a few ideas that could work for them and maybe work for you if you find yourself in an emotional conflict:

1. Tune in and understand the emotion you are feeling

2. Take ownership for your own unmet expectations and tell the person how you feel without blaming them (anger/resentment are secondary emotions, so acknowledge these feelings and let them go)

3. Clearly state your expectation and make a positive request that it be met

As both people exchange ideas about solutions to move forward, the chances for success grow. Imagine what’s possible when we see emotional conflict as a chance to build up our relationships.

“Keep Your Composure When The Pressure is On”

2008-08-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

This lesson from sports is quite applicable to our experiences in the workplace – particularly in today’s age of rapid change, shrinking resources and increasing demands. Rather than being reactive and letting the onslaught of challenging circumstances dictate our course, we can keep our composure and remain focused on our goals and objectives.

Challenges to our composure are everywhere. Anytime we experience a disagreement or conflict, a clash of personality, external pressures like tight timelines and tight budgets, or anytime someone else makes us the object of their unhappiness, the pressure is on. I would argue that composure is one of the most underrated traits of successful managers and employees and that if we cultivate it intentionally we can improve our success.

When we lose our composure, our attitudes and behaviors recede into a realm of reactionary, often personality driven behaviors. Rather than assertively working toward a solution, our flustered and disjointed actions can inflame the situation and ultimately take more energy than just dealing with the problem directly. Our composure can unravel in the moment when our knee-jerk reactions and self-talk turn negative. Thoughts such as “This hassle is the last thing I need right now…I don’t deserve this aggravation…and I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this right now” are personal reactions that distract from the challenge at hand and may do more to psych us out of proactive action than the issue itself.

If you need it, go ahead and give yourself a minute to sulk and feel like things aren’t fair. But once that minute of indulgence has passed, breathe deep and let it go, accepting the situation as it is for what it is. While some people seem to effortlessly exude cool, calm and collected attitudes, others need to work a little harder on it. Either way, consistently maintaining our composure is something we can all do. The following tips will help you step up when it’s crunch time crunch:

- Give yourself a minute to vent and collect yourself;

- Assess the situation objectively and don’t let your own or someone else’s personal reaction cloud things;

- Gather all relevant information to understand the issue;

- Look at the deeper root cause of the problem and don’t get distracted by emotional interpretations of it; and

- Lead by example and take simple, focused action on what can be influenced.

You can tell you are composed when you breathe easily, remain centered and acknowledge the pressure and challenge of the moment without adding to it with your own angst. Keeping your composure is not only a key for your own individual success, but by example it can also inspire confidence in others. Imagine what’s possible when we rise to the occasion and keep our composure when the pressure is on.

“In Tough Times...Recover Your Balance!”

2008-07-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Show of hands, who’s feeling a bit squeezed by the challenge and uncertainty of the times? Based on what I hear in business and around the community, “a bit squeezed” is putting it mildly. In fact, many of us are feeling downright crushed by the pressure and concern over the shrinking economy, widespread environmental catastrophes and political instability. How can we still work and live at our best in these tough times? Recover our balance!

It’s a conundrum that many of us face in trying circumstances. When things are difficult and risky, we naturally want to make the right decision and take the right course of action because the margin for error is narrow. In other words, if we don’t get it right, we could really get it wrong. In many ways this “black and white” thinking creates an impossible expectation.

Finding the “right” answer is a tricky proposition in tough times because circumstances tend to be ambiguous and constantly changing. These swirling conditions are often immune to our logic, making our search for the “right” decision or action very difficult. Although we desperately desire the sure thing and a successful outcome, our modern world is sometimes too unpredictable to define in this way.

We can do ourselves a favor by reframing our pursuit of the “right choice” to the search for the “best choice”. The best choice is not about perfection; rather it is about finding the most reasonable path forward in a given situation based on what you know at a given point in time.

The key to finding the “best choice” in a fast-changing world is balance. Finding our balance is walking the tightrope of life, acknowledging that the only certain thing is uncertainty. To help you thrive in the uncertainty and move past the “black or white” and “right or wrong” kind of thinking, consider the following pairs of opposites. Because they exist on a continuum, they can remind us that in order to find our balance it’s not one or the other, but somewhere in between:

Microscopes and Telescopes – Think small and focus on the details while visioning big and thinking long-term.

Rudders and Sails – Take calculated and careful direction while allowing passion and wide ideas to flow.

Caring for Yourself and Helping Others – Make sure your own needs are met while giving support to others.

Hard Work and Lucky Breaks – Put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen while hoping for fortunate timing.

Although it can be confusing to live in the ambiguity, the search for balance along the continuum will help you navigate the grey areas in light of your deeper priorities. Choosing an absolute or polar opposite only serves to limit the important insight from the other end of the spectrum. However, if we are able to consider both opposite ends simultaneously, we can find a unique place on the continuum that blends them both. By continually asking the questions “where am I and where do I want to be” in time we can get clear about what matters most.

The next time you feel off balance and need to make a difficult decision, let go of the desire and pressure to find the one “right answer”. Instead, weigh your continuum of ideas and choices and settle on a reasonable reconciliation of your options. Imagine what’s possible when we find our balance and confidently move forward with the “best choice” all things considered.

“Will You Notice Your Breakthrough?”

2008-07-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

After a few minutes of reflecting, she said “When I think about the yes decision, I become excited…I feel energetic and alive…and I straighten right up…When I imagine saying no, I slump down a bit and I feel tired and frustrated”. Following up I asked her what she thought her physiology was telling her that her brain could not. At this point, she got the breakthrough that she was looking for and made her decision. I don’t think she would have arrived at that point unless she stopped to notice the subtle signs that were all around her.

How do you determine the critical choices you need to make in life? Perhaps the more practical decisions are informed by what you can rationally decide through your own assumptions, logic and reasoning. But what about those tricky decisions that tie you up in knots and leave you stranded at the crossroads?

If you are at a juncture in life where you want to make a change or decision of some kind, it’s important to avoid an all too familiar trap that distracts us from noticing the important, but subtle pieces of the puzzle. I call this distraction “expecting a revelation”. It’s the expectation that we must have a “big discovery” or a “life-changing confirmation” in the form of a lighting bolt, which will somehow illuminate the path forward. By setting our sights on this big moment in the sky, unfortunately we can miss the opportunity to notice the stream of quieter moments that often hold the key we’re waiting on.

If you’re hoping to find a way through a conflict, tune in to an inner gut feeling about a decision you need to make, or discover a path toward reaching your goals, following these steps may help you notice that the answer is right in front of you:

- First, make a conscious choice to set aside the analysis and self-talk in order to listen for something new;

- Next, take a few minutes to simply listen to what you feel as you reflect on the various aspects of the issue or decision you’re faced with – there’s no need to label or interpret the feelings at this point, the goal is to become aware of them;

- Next, think about moving along a continuum from 1) unconscious awareness about your thoughts and feelings to 2) noticing, then to 3) focused attention on the insights behind your thoughts and feelings; and

- Finally, because it’s usually the internal obstacles that hold us up more than the external ones, bring intentional focus and attention on any remaining concerns or doubts. Noticing and focusing on these can reveal new understanding, angles and insights that you can then integrate it into your larger process of decision-making.

At the end of the day, we have a measure of choice and control over what we are aware of, but what we are unaware of controls us. To access the subtle insights that can help you navigate the day-to-day relationships, interactions and decisions you’re faced with, try the simple act of noticing and becoming more aware of the feelings and impulses of your experience. They will inform your actions and decisions in positive ways. Imagine what’s possible when we focus our attention on the little things that allow us to notice the breakthrough we seek.