A friend who lives next to a vacation rental asked me for some advice in dealing with difficult, short-term neighbors. I shared this with him - perhaps it can help you or someone you know.
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When you love where you live, it can feel like paradise has been found. Unfortunately for some neighbors and residents, it feels like paradise lost when the peace, quite and continuity of daily life are interrupted by the commotion from nearby vacation rental properties. The central coast has been, and hopefully always will be, an attractive destination for visitors. This means local residents need constructive strategies to successfully address concerns that may arise from the numerous vacation rentals in our area.
The dynamic between locals and visitors is a classic example of converging expectations that couldn’t be more diverse. Local residents tend to value the ownership and pride they have in their community. They have come to expect their neighborhoods and communities to look and feel a certain way, including the pace of daily life and the peace and quiet that small communities enjoy. Vacationers on the other hand - while seeking some rest and relaxation - are looking for a break from their day-to-day routines. They are more likely to stay up late, listen to music and enjoy outdoor barbecues and social events as they make full use of the their (expensive) rental house. Neither local residents nor vacationers are necessarily more or less justified in their expectations than the other. However, when there is a clash of expectations hurtful conflict can erupt.
Whether it is a concern about yard maintenance, property lines, or traffic safety, part of the solution lies in forming collaborative relationships with property management companies who are responsible for enforcing rules. These property management companies are accountable to the property owners for generating rental income and keeping the units intact. In addition, proactive communication with the actual renters and home owners can give you the opportunity to air out concerns. If you are struggling with these issues, the following tips may help you navigate your way through the conflict:
Remember Things Aren’t Personal – Imagine a typical vacationer; they can’t wait to truly get away for the weekend with a few close family friends at a beach house. They’re ready to get some much needed rest and relaxation as they pick up their favorite meat and plan a BBQ out on the deck for the entire group, including some time in the hot tub on the deck! The property manager made it clear that dogs are not allowed inside the home so they set up an area in the backyard for their three dogs…If you are the next door neighbor who is bothered by the noise and the constant commotion; it’s helpful to remember that the vacationers are doing exactly what vacationers do. They are not necessarily intending to keep you up late or to disrupt the neighborhood.
Take Initiative to Talk to Your Neighbors (Vacation Renters and Home Owners) – While it can feel really stressful, the cost of living with unresolved conflict can hurt more than the challenge of addressing the issue head on. If you experience concerns of any kind, make an effort to talk to your neighbors, the home owner or the property management company directly. Use the following roadmap as a guide:
1. First, agree to have a conversation to explore the issues, assumptions, feelings and potential next steps.
2. Next, take time to clarify the situation to get both perspectives squarely out in the open. Try to focus attention on identifying the substantial issues and then break those down into separate pieces (remember, be hard on the problem and easy on the people).
3. For each issue, generate options that can potentially satisfy the underlying needs of both people.
4. As agreements begin to form, commit to a resolution and discuss how the solution can be implemented successfully.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
"Playing Nice" - Another Pattern That Sustains Barriers
Last week I reviewed a pattern of thought and behavior that can really hurt a team's ability to perform at optimal levels. Here is another team dysfunction that I see play out across industries. I call it "Playing Nice," and here's how the cycle goes:
A) The team establishes a non-hierarchical (flat) mode of decision-making where everyone feels welcome to speak their mind and voice their opinions;
B) Maintaining this apparent harmony becomes an unwritten goal of the group;
C) As barriers or issues emerge within the team, the team makes no room for making waves when unpopular choices might be required to fix things;
D) As a result, accountability for addressing problems decreases and team members do not have an outlet for their concerns;
E) Over time, the implicit rule of “playing nice” outweighs incentives to address barriers and the dysfunctional pattern is sustained...
This pattern of "playing nice" can easily erode confidence in and capacity for learning and performance. A way to avoid this is to separate the person from the problem and when issues arise - attack the problem, but not the person. This can preserve a respectful tone in the group, but not at the expense of having tough conversations that lead to better decisions.
A) The team establishes a non-hierarchical (flat) mode of decision-making where everyone feels welcome to speak their mind and voice their opinions;
B) Maintaining this apparent harmony becomes an unwritten goal of the group;
C) As barriers or issues emerge within the team, the team makes no room for making waves when unpopular choices might be required to fix things;
D) As a result, accountability for addressing problems decreases and team members do not have an outlet for their concerns;
E) Over time, the implicit rule of “playing nice” outweighs incentives to address barriers and the dysfunctional pattern is sustained...
This pattern of "playing nice" can easily erode confidence in and capacity for learning and performance. A way to avoid this is to separate the person from the problem and when issues arise - attack the problem, but not the person. This can preserve a respectful tone in the group, but not at the expense of having tough conversations that lead to better decisions.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Patterns That Sustain Barriers to Learning & Performance
Some of you have asked me to say more about the patterns that sustain barriers to learning and performance in the workplace. Here is a brief explanation of one that I see quite often in teams. The platform of this blog does not enable me to include the image, but picture a cycle for the following six stages to get a feel for this pattern:
One Strong Leader -
1) In a void, one outspoken, strong person steps up to lead the team;
2) Others fall back and are less engaged as a result;
3) As new challenges arise, the pattern re-enforces a “if nobody else will step up, I have to just go it alone” attitude and the leader is even more disproportionally engaged;
4) As time goes on, the lack of invitations for more engagement from the leader further alienates team members results in hurt feelings;
5) This lack of collaboration and open communication over time prevents issues from being discussed; and finally
6) The growing resentment re-enforces and sustains the existing pattern of one strong leader.
In this situations, it is critical for the strong leader to maintain a broader awareness of the team dynamic. Despite their good intentions, strong leaders must recognize that going it alone is seldom - if ever - a good option. He or she must work hard to engage others, especially those that may not be as outspoken. As far as the team members, it is not reasonable to withdraw and complain. That makes them complicit in the team dysfunction. Everyone must work hard to express their concerns, then step up to the plate to take responsibility for rectifying their part of the problem.
One Strong Leader -
1) In a void, one outspoken, strong person steps up to lead the team;
2) Others fall back and are less engaged as a result;
3) As new challenges arise, the pattern re-enforces a “if nobody else will step up, I have to just go it alone” attitude and the leader is even more disproportionally engaged;
4) As time goes on, the lack of invitations for more engagement from the leader further alienates team members results in hurt feelings;
5) This lack of collaboration and open communication over time prevents issues from being discussed; and finally
6) The growing resentment re-enforces and sustains the existing pattern of one strong leader.
In this situations, it is critical for the strong leader to maintain a broader awareness of the team dynamic. Despite their good intentions, strong leaders must recognize that going it alone is seldom - if ever - a good option. He or she must work hard to engage others, especially those that may not be as outspoken. As far as the team members, it is not reasonable to withdraw and complain. That makes them complicit in the team dysfunction. Everyone must work hard to express their concerns, then step up to the plate to take responsibility for rectifying their part of the problem.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Pain is Changeful
Riddle: What is really good for us, feels really bad for us, is something that we avoid and yet is something that’s ultimately unavoidable? Change.
Despite our valiant efforts to fend it off with repetitive behavioral routines and comfortable patterns of thinking, change is all around us and is a natural part of life. While it’s true that change can sometimes be really painful, it is also true that pain is changeful. This is more than a distinction without a difference - so if you are confused, stick with me.
More than just a clever way to reframe a problem or negative experience, looking at pain as a source of positive change is an efficient and practical choice. Pain from change can come in many forms, including: frustration over unmet expectations, disappointment over lost opportunities and grief from broken relationships to name a few. Rather than seeing these painful experiences as a nuisance or something to “get past”, why not embrace them as a vehicle to accelerate the change we experience?
The following tips may help you find the focus and sustain the motivation to stick with the pain and use it as a catalyst to change:
1) Keep Perspective – It is critically important to keep things in perspective so that we can process our experiences accordingly. A frustrating experience may feel like a “mountain”, but if we capture a wider vantage point when the initial sting subsides, we may actually recognize it as just a “small hill”. Keeping perspective will reduce wasted energy and potential over-reactions.
2) Find The Teachable Moment – If pain is truly going to be changeful, we have to find the teachable moment. Maybe the lesson is about our own misguided efforts, perhaps we didn’t listen enough or perhaps we didn’t stand up for what we knew was right. Either way, the important thing is to capture the lesson and fully integrate into our experience for next time.
3) If I Feel Something, They Feel Something – If your pain stems from some kind of relationship concern, chances are just like you feel something, the other person involved also feels something. This recognition can be a humanizing force and it is an important reminder that if we get out of our own shoes, we’re likely to be less attached to our own emotional pain as we empathize and connect with others.
The next time you feel pain or discomfort, think changefully and use the experience for your own growth and development.
Despite our valiant efforts to fend it off with repetitive behavioral routines and comfortable patterns of thinking, change is all around us and is a natural part of life. While it’s true that change can sometimes be really painful, it is also true that pain is changeful. This is more than a distinction without a difference - so if you are confused, stick with me.
More than just a clever way to reframe a problem or negative experience, looking at pain as a source of positive change is an efficient and practical choice. Pain from change can come in many forms, including: frustration over unmet expectations, disappointment over lost opportunities and grief from broken relationships to name a few. Rather than seeing these painful experiences as a nuisance or something to “get past”, why not embrace them as a vehicle to accelerate the change we experience?
The following tips may help you find the focus and sustain the motivation to stick with the pain and use it as a catalyst to change:
1) Keep Perspective – It is critically important to keep things in perspective so that we can process our experiences accordingly. A frustrating experience may feel like a “mountain”, but if we capture a wider vantage point when the initial sting subsides, we may actually recognize it as just a “small hill”. Keeping perspective will reduce wasted energy and potential over-reactions.
2) Find The Teachable Moment – If pain is truly going to be changeful, we have to find the teachable moment. Maybe the lesson is about our own misguided efforts, perhaps we didn’t listen enough or perhaps we didn’t stand up for what we knew was right. Either way, the important thing is to capture the lesson and fully integrate into our experience for next time.
3) If I Feel Something, They Feel Something – If your pain stems from some kind of relationship concern, chances are just like you feel something, the other person involved also feels something. This recognition can be a humanizing force and it is an important reminder that if we get out of our own shoes, we’re likely to be less attached to our own emotional pain as we empathize and connect with others.
The next time you feel pain or discomfort, think changefully and use the experience for your own growth and development.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Wisdom of Being Here Before
“We miss an opportunity for future
success when we fail to learn from
past experience.”
Within business circles we don’t talk about wisdom as much as we should in the context of building and maintaining successful organizations. Complex thought processes, decision-making and interpersonal relationships are recurring cycles at the heart of every business venture, and wisdom is an asset that leaders can use to accelerate informed decision-making and cohesion around personnel, operational and strategic issues.
As a leader who is always looking for insight to help me be more effective in my work, I have encountered a very powerful tool that we all have equal access to – I call it “The Wisdom of Being Here Before”. I define wisdom as ‘the intersection of our intuitive understanding of people and things and the ability to aptly apply that understanding to real experience’. “The Wisdom of Being Here Before” (WBHB) is a special understanding that can be uniquely applied to business situations that recur repeatedly.
There are a lot of things that leaders know; in fact, there are billions of pieces of information and bits of data that are available at the touch of a mouse. However, wisdom is different than information and in my experience it comes from the teachable moments of the natural business life-cycle. The cycle of business inevitably brings us back to similar, sometimes identical, situations that we have encountered in the past. For example, an economic downturn decreases the attractiveness of R&D expenditures. The loss of these endeavors can significantly hinder the development of new, revenue-generating products and services that can help solve the current economic problem. The considerations and ultimate decision around how to proceed with R&D projects is a cyclical business cycle that comes and goes as the external economic environment ebbs and flows.
As another example, one of the most important, and often frustrating, components of business is recruiting, selecting and managing a successful workforce. Yet the pitfalls inherent in the HR experience can create a repetitive cycle of turnover that hinders morale, drains earning potential and bogs down organizational success
Unfortunately many people interpret these recurring cycles as failures (i.e. I thought we solved that problem last year!). This negative interpretation can be a source of frustration and hopelessness because it emphasizes the external cycle of business that is out of our control. Another much more productive interpretation of the recurring cycle is that we recognize the opportunity to approach a familiar problem or challenge with the strength of our prior experience that makes us stronger and more focused on what matters most.
For many leaders, in our rush to accomplish things we actually lose efficiency by not fully integrating the WBHB. This highlights the importance of maintaining the mindset of a learner. Leaders who understand the importance of keeping an open, developmental attitude are able to ask questions in real time such as: What is this circumstance teaching us? How can that be applied to future situations? When that future situation arises, these leaders are able to draw upon their intuitive understanding of people and things and then apply that understanding to their real, present experience, thus avoiding the negative interpretation.
As an emerging leader, I did not understand the WBHB. When a cycle of business would return me to familiar ground, I was often frustrated; more interested in blaming myself for the need to “repeat” something that should have already been completed. As an established leader, I now see the WBHB as an invaluable asset to draw upon when confronted with a tough, but familiar decision. I see it as both a reminder that things always remain in flux and ultimately, start again – and at the same time I can bring my experience, deep insight, confidence and wisdom to each new beginning.
The next time you find yourself re-doing a marketing campaign or getting bogged down with all-too-familiar HR issues, imagine what is possible if you fully integrate the WBHB.
success when we fail to learn from
past experience.”
Within business circles we don’t talk about wisdom as much as we should in the context of building and maintaining successful organizations. Complex thought processes, decision-making and interpersonal relationships are recurring cycles at the heart of every business venture, and wisdom is an asset that leaders can use to accelerate informed decision-making and cohesion around personnel, operational and strategic issues.
As a leader who is always looking for insight to help me be more effective in my work, I have encountered a very powerful tool that we all have equal access to – I call it “The Wisdom of Being Here Before”. I define wisdom as ‘the intersection of our intuitive understanding of people and things and the ability to aptly apply that understanding to real experience’. “The Wisdom of Being Here Before” (WBHB) is a special understanding that can be uniquely applied to business situations that recur repeatedly.
There are a lot of things that leaders know; in fact, there are billions of pieces of information and bits of data that are available at the touch of a mouse. However, wisdom is different than information and in my experience it comes from the teachable moments of the natural business life-cycle. The cycle of business inevitably brings us back to similar, sometimes identical, situations that we have encountered in the past. For example, an economic downturn decreases the attractiveness of R&D expenditures. The loss of these endeavors can significantly hinder the development of new, revenue-generating products and services that can help solve the current economic problem. The considerations and ultimate decision around how to proceed with R&D projects is a cyclical business cycle that comes and goes as the external economic environment ebbs and flows.
As another example, one of the most important, and often frustrating, components of business is recruiting, selecting and managing a successful workforce. Yet the pitfalls inherent in the HR experience can create a repetitive cycle of turnover that hinders morale, drains earning potential and bogs down organizational success
Unfortunately many people interpret these recurring cycles as failures (i.e. I thought we solved that problem last year!). This negative interpretation can be a source of frustration and hopelessness because it emphasizes the external cycle of business that is out of our control. Another much more productive interpretation of the recurring cycle is that we recognize the opportunity to approach a familiar problem or challenge with the strength of our prior experience that makes us stronger and more focused on what matters most.
For many leaders, in our rush to accomplish things we actually lose efficiency by not fully integrating the WBHB. This highlights the importance of maintaining the mindset of a learner. Leaders who understand the importance of keeping an open, developmental attitude are able to ask questions in real time such as: What is this circumstance teaching us? How can that be applied to future situations? When that future situation arises, these leaders are able to draw upon their intuitive understanding of people and things and then apply that understanding to their real, present experience, thus avoiding the negative interpretation.
As an emerging leader, I did not understand the WBHB. When a cycle of business would return me to familiar ground, I was often frustrated; more interested in blaming myself for the need to “repeat” something that should have already been completed. As an established leader, I now see the WBHB as an invaluable asset to draw upon when confronted with a tough, but familiar decision. I see it as both a reminder that things always remain in flux and ultimately, start again – and at the same time I can bring my experience, deep insight, confidence and wisdom to each new beginning.
The next time you find yourself re-doing a marketing campaign or getting bogged down with all-too-familiar HR issues, imagine what is possible if you fully integrate the WBHB.
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